your kids - it's not your children.They are the sons and daughters of Life, taking care of herself.They come through you but not from you, And though they belong to you, you are not masters of them.You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts.You can give the house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls live in the house of tomorrow, which you will not see even in your dreams.You can try to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.Because life goes not backward nor waiting yesterday (Kahlil Gibran. "The Prophet").
At first glance, a rather strange question: "Do I need to learn to educate children?".Some parents have a definite answer: "It is necessary", some thoughtful: "And why?" Rather, "And that I'm bad I bring?".Hopefully this article will make a little more clarity on this issue, because it will talk about some of parental stereotypes and misconceptions that hinder the process of education.
1. Misconception first - "I know everything»
Undoubtedly, there is a very conscious parents who are in a responsible approach to the process of education.Typically, these parents can clearly and unambiguously answer the following questions: How will life in 10-15 years?What will be valued in the society of the future?What qualities do you need to develop in a child?What are the ways to develop the quality to leave a better and minimize unnecessary, thus know exactly what you need and do not need?How to help your child become a happy and popular in his life ... questions can go on, but experience shows that if we want something to teach the child, then it is necessary to continue to learn.
In other words, if a parent wants to see their child happy, he must himself feel happy.If the parent is acting on principle - give the child something that I did not have to be completely happy and all is well, it is not the right strategy.
example: many a child would a bicycle or rollers, or a toy.We envied those who she was and were ready "to climb from the skin" that we also had.
So, the state "from the skin crawl," this is a fertile ground for the education and formation of qualities is a very strong desire, or as they say now the motivation is based educational impact.Motivation is the engine for the development of new qualities.
And as we act?You want - ON!Then we wonder why our child has a consumer approach to life, why he thinks that someone has to, why he did not want to do.It's simple - we have formed a stereotype of a child - if you want, then the parents will.In the best case, in return, we ask obedience - do as we say.But while not all are aware that it is not the child's preparation for the future and their own independent life, and to live "our past" and fix our mistakes.
2. Misconception two: "I know what you want»
- Sam, go home!
- Mom, I'm cold?
- No, you want to eat!
very dangerous delusion that leads to the fact that our children are no longer "want" want something else - "Well, what about the parents themselves know that I need."This misconception leads to blocking of individual initiative.Then we wonder - my baby do not care, he did not want a day to sit at the computer or watching TV.
And anyone of the parents wondered: "What attracts the computer"?In the computer game, the child feels important and independent, where he, overcoming obstacles to achieve results and receives remuneration (new status).There it means, and knows what is required of him and there he is successful.Think about it.
If a child does not get what he really needs, he quickly finds a replacement.How to make so that the child belonged to the computer as a tool for the realization in life, and not as a substitution of life itself?
3. Misconception Three: "I know when you're done»
This misconception about the bar, the bar of expected results that parents give to the child.Parents want that to "their" child was perfect.Unfortunately, they can not always understand that sometimes the effort to achieve the results are significant and require additional reinforcement.
Yes, I want perfection - my child to be perfect!But everything has its time.In the end, in addition to the requirements, a parent should ask ourselves the question, as I have done for this?Reply to this style - "I bought her videos" - a poor response.Not "rollers" make the child happy, but a movement to a result, the opportunity to experience the satisfaction of the distance traveled - from the desire to the ability to obtain recognition.And it is important that where there was a parent, and what to do when the baby came to this.
4. Misconception Four: "A child should respect me, because I ...»
I will say briefly - a child to anyone, did not have to.My advice to parents, if you change the word "shall" with "may", then the parent will be able to reconsider their behavior and their ways of interacting with the child and parents get a chance to build a normal relationship, not the intention of breaking the small and immature person "under him".
Let's look at a simple example: Belief - the child should respect me!It leads to action forces to achieve the result, with all its consequences.Ordinance.Disclaimer.Punishment.Pressure.Dozhimanie.Scrapped.- This is the result that you want?
Now, try the taste of the statement - my child respect me.This belief is completely changing the strategy of action, here "the ball is on my side," and I have to make sure that the child wanted and was able to respect me, and that's different behavior and a completely different strategy, agree?Yes, sometimes along the way we have to meet with their own stereotypes and limitations, but it is also once necessary, but sometimes very useful.
5. Misunderstanding Five: "I'm doing everything I can, and if I do more that say Mom»
Then I accidentally put this statement as a parent of error.We often look back on the opinions of influential people, but what was true yesterday, today is not working.For example, in our time there was a cult of authority, and we strictly follow the instructions of parents - "Listen to the teacher!" - Categorically, just listen.But, it is only human.So let's give the children the opportunity to determine themselves - who for their authority, and who is not.Let us teach them to evaluate tips on stereotypical misconceptions.
- Honey, why are you when slugger meat under chop, slice always snapped?
- Leave me alone, so delicious!
- And then?
- so does my mom!
question to his mother.And that's why, when you cook steak ...?
Because it is so delicious!I do not see
Leave me alone, so does my mom!
(Thank God my grandmother in health ..) Grandma and you why ... when ... the meat, cut off?
So it before, but now I have a big pan ...!
misleading from significant adults can be a lot, as well as helpful tips, but how to learn to separate the wheat from the chaff?How do you know that the topic, and what past?This requires clear guidelines, and parents should know them, or rather they can.Otherwise, education is transformed into an experiment with their own children.But who of the parents can afford to play the lottery with this life?
Back to our epilogue, read it again.If you agree with each statement and you know that as parents you need to do and how to achieve mutual understanding with children, then you may just need to keep going, but if you have any questions, do not hesitate to ask - too high rate.
make mistakes is very natural for a man of action, but did not do the job on the bugs and do not strive for perfection - is a luxury, because it is that we want to teach their children.
Articles Source: vospitaj.com