12 lessons of 12 years of marriage

Blogger Justin Riklefs long time and happily married, he dad of four girls and one boy.Here is what he says about marriage ...

For 12 years of marriage, my wife and I have seen a lot.

We were married before I graduated from college.In a short time we brought the first child.I graduated from college.New baby.Two miscarriage.Four more children.When the youngest was born, we had five children under the age of 8 years.

owned four houses.We rented a house and an apartment somewhere in between.Five different papers with four different companies.They lived in four cities.

In many ways, life has been on fast forward.

During these 12 years we have learned a lot.About ourselves.About each other.The importance of marriage.And why should fight for it.

We were young, in love and ready for the wedding.When she said 'yes', we had a little over twenty.But this does not mean that we were ready for marriage.

After 12 years we have understood for himself 12 things about marriage:

1. The desire to share responsibilities equally - disappoint

For some time we have considered marriage as a game.Competition.If I do this - you should do this.Meet me in the middle of the path, do a little more here.If you do 20 things, and I will do 20 things.This kind of game.But the real work is done when one of you can not get to the middle.When you need to go the extra mile to another.Perhaps, the ratio is 90/10, if the spouse is sick or depressed.Do not look at marriage as a figure.It's always someone to lose.

2. Save space adventure in life

At the very beginning of the novel with Brooke I tried.We took long walks, dinner by candlelight, I worked hard to earn it.When we piled the years and commitment, I let the flame that was between us, go out many times.The struggle that this fire is not quenched, - is not necessarily a trip to Paris.This may be an unexpected foray into the local hotel, suddenly hired a nanny for the children in the evening or even a handwritten note.Find a place in your marriage for adventure.

3. First kiss each other

I'm not perfect at it, but I try to kiss Brookie immediately when I come home from work.Before I kiss their children.These small details really are of great importance.For me to be a first-class father is important, but even more important to be first-class husband.Otherwise, we will become housemates who raise their children together.

4. Exposure - that's often the best description for the love

Brookie was easy to love when we were newlyweds.She was easy to love me when all was well.But it is much more difficult to fight for love, when you lose a child.Or suffer huge financial failure.Or recognized its really disgusting secret.Fairy tales are good for the movie, but real life is often confusing, it is chaotic and messy.Be patient, when it gets difficult.

5. Real life consists of small things

birth of a child, buying a dream home ... the importance of events married a lot.However, most of the day - daily routine.I blame the fact that I missed a lot of little things, while working, in order to realize large.I realized that life is just these little moments.Now I am learning to love the journey as much as the destination.

6. The proximity and the presence - it's not the same

come home early, hire a babysitter to go out on a date with my wife, and even a vacation - it's all great stuff.But to be physically closer - it does not mean to be closer emotionally.For me the emotional intimacy - is instead constantly staring at the iPhone, to look into the eyes of his wife, and instead of browsing and reading instagrama twitter - listening to her heart.When you have the opportunity to be together physically, and be together emotionally.

7. Comparison of killing your joy

In an age where people are constantly portrayed in social networks edited the facades of their lives, it is easy to feel that your marriage - sucks.As if you beat the Jones family.When I start to compare our bank account, house, children's behavior and marriage with others - I'm a loser.This leaves me with joy.There will always be others who have more, better, more interesting.Do not play this game.

8. Each of you has the ability to drop everything

We all know marriages that end in pain and not a holiday.Divorce instead of dancing at the 50th wedding anniversary.We Brooke realize that there are days when much easier to give up than to keep fighting.But every day we continue to choose each other.We continue to be honest about where we are wrong.Because it's worth it.

9. Take the initiative for the benefit of another

We often discuss our family, if we are the ones who give, or, conversely, those who are inclined to take.Do we give and serve?Or just take and use?I am convinced that life is much better to spend when you serve for the benefit of another.

10. Live in community

Marriage - a complex and difficult thing, but at the same time it is beautiful and worth it.When you live in isolation, there is always the temptation to give up.But, when you are surrounded by family and friends who know about your strengths and your fight, you feel constant support.

11. Will you forgive me?

Let's face it: we go to the marriage are unfair to each other more often than are willing to admit it.We lie for salvation, we forget about the important dates, we get angry.Millions of other examples.Instead of transferring the blame to others or to evade responsibility, ask, "Will you forgive me?" - Then your marriage will be stronger.It is this question much more than "I'm sorry," leading to reconciliation.

12. Love conquers

This list can be very long.I have not touched on such things as honesty, the need to find time for meetings and to emphasize the strengths of the partner.But all the lists of the world does not strengthen marriage as far as making love.In the end, love wins.It conquers all.It removes doubts.It helps to cope with fear.It pushes for great things.Love wins.

Author - Riklefs Justin (Justin Ricklefs)

Articles Source: adme.ru