Relations adults and the younger generation sometimes add up quite painful and difficult.Deep and described in detail the issue more Ivan Turgenev in the famous novel "Fathers and Sons."Misunderstanding and resentment, a different view of things and inability to compromise - something with which faced by most families raising offspring.Despite the complexity of the situation, establish contacts native people always.The main thing - to have a great desire to try and attach to this important cause maximum number of forces.
basic "family" periods
rules of communication with the parents of children develop differently.A lot depends on the age of the child, the nature and the characteristics of his style of education, held by adults.Psychologists are four important stages of formation of such relations:
- dependence (from birth to 11 years). At this age, there is usually no serious problems.If adults love the kid, he enjoys spending time with mom and dad, he loves to talk about their affairs.
- Confrontation (12-20 years). feel like an adult heir in all attempts to contradict the father and mother, seeking their freedom.
- Independence (21-40 years). appears in the process of growing, reaching a peak in middle age.
- Interdependence .Adult man again moving closer to their parents, aware of the value of this bond.
It is the last stage of the psychological problems of communication between the generations disappear.The son or daughter, with their teenage children, suffer the injustice of their attitude.Therefore, it becomes more loyal to their own parents.
style of communication in the family
They directly affect the child and his relationship to his parents:
- authoritarian .It implies rigid management and suppression initiatives baby.He or withdraws into himself, or rebels against the older generation.
- Liberal permissive. This communication on the principle of permissiveness.The son or daughter no longer ignore the opinion of the parents.
- Giperopekayuschy .A dependent child grows selfish.He constantly seek advice from an adult, hang them on their problems.
- alienated .The older generation is not interested in the life of junior.Children become indifferent and strangers.Communication itself is not.
- Democratic .Proper building relationships in the family, where the dominant factor is the possibility of compromise.
style of communication with parents at kids lining up on the basis of the above behaviors.In any case, much depends on the older generation: what style of relationship they will set in early childhood crumbs, and reap the fruits of these in the near future.
friendly family
Everybody wants to have it, but not everyone applies for it hard enough.Often, both sides - parents and children - accuse each other of intransigence and exclusion.Throwing all the forces in the opposition, they do not understand that once they stop on unnecessary "arms race", the problem will be solved by itself.It is important to think suddenly and make a step forward even if the relationship earlier were not the best, they can always be closer to the ideal.At heart, both generations are trying to find things in common: it is put at the genetic level.
friendly family - this is a common interest in maintaining a warm, genuine, comfortable, and effective communication between the generations.It is, by the way, is based on four important principles:
- Understanding the feelings and motives of each other.
- Respect.
- mutual acceptance - without criticism and the desire to change something in a loved one.
- responsibility for actions and words.
Following these simple rules, according to psychologists, you can make your family a real role model.
Community teenager and parents
Often it is very tense.The reason lies in the transition to adulthood heir, he feels an adult, trying to prove their independence.Parents often do not realize that their little pipsqueak grown and continue to dictate their opinions, positions and decisions to impose, monitor offspring in all its actions and endeavors.Man or Woman should exercise the utmost tact: they have to realize that mom and dad love them, try to protect from severe life problems and error, so behave accordingly.Rules of communication with parents at this age should be based on obedience, but with the possibility to discuss the situation, to share points of view and together come to the right decision.
main rule - says it all.At the same time try to get your words with deeds.They promised to return home promptly at 22.00 - bleeding from the nose, but come.Otherwise, you lose the trust of adults.Be honest with the older generation, do not hide anything and do not be fooled: being much more experienced, they can give good advice, for which in the future you only say thank you.Children should respect their parents - and especially at this age.
Advice for adult children
If the transition problems usually arise from lack of understanding, the older age of the reasons could be the lack of interest in each other, a banal lack of time, different points of view on the nature of things and actions of people.Therefore, adult children need to know how to talk to their parents, to achieve the desired harmony in the relationship:
- Think of your father and mother as they are - without false expectations.They are ordinary people who have disadvantages.
- Learn to listen.Even if you hate the series, courageously experiencing the retelling of the next fragment.Your mom crazy about him, so show tolerance: do not know what you'll look in my old age.
- Speak "the same language".That is, try to put yourself in their position in a given situation.
- aware that parents need to communicate with you.
When you see that conflict is inevitable, conceded.You have already wise enough to go to this little trick: I agree with the opinion of the older generation, they themselves make their own way.Continue to respect your father and mother: they gave you life, brought up - is for that they need love and silently endure all their whims.
Respect
say about him already a lot.Now, let's detail we shall understand that is its essence.Psychologists state: respect - this is the main pillar, the support, the foundation on which to build your relationship with your parents.Features of communication between people of different ages are fundamentally different: young people love to discuss the latest fashions, popular gadgets, night clubs, older people - politics and religion, food prices and their own illness.Often we do not want to hear about the hard economic situation in the country, every day we are faced with it, so in his spare time, trying to free his head from the cheerless thoughts.But if the father wishes to discuss inflation, maintain a conversation.I remember how as a child he taught you to ride a bicycle or fishing - now it's your turn to please the pope.
Rules of communication with parents are also your endurance when the older generation teaches you, patience - in the case of criticism, equanimity - if the opinions are diametrically opposed.Be polite and courteous, filter statements, do not judge strictly and did not behave surface - these are also very important to communicate in dialogue with relatives.
Love
Sometimes it is the most basic among the kaleidoscope of other feelings and sensations.Do not deprive the parents confidence that you love them.Believe me, it is very difficult to realize that their baby has grown and no longer needs help.Create the illusion that you really need the support of their daughter could consult with her mother about the care of grandchildren or cooking a new dish, the son of the right to appeal to the father if quarreled with his wife and ran into trouble at work.Lovely friendly chat in a relaxed home environment will feel the older generation of your love and deep affection.
rules of communication with the parents of children are formed throughout life.But know this: never too late to take the initiative.Even if the father was a tyrant, try to forgive him.Did Dad have long repented, but is silent because of pride.Talk to him, hug, tell them that you love.Of course, forgive the abuser is hard, but worth a try.Letting go of resentment children, you will feel the lightness of being and peace of mind.
Tips for parents
I would like to appeal to the older generation.Sometimes, even when experienced and clever, because of intolerance, arrogance and ambition they allow elementary mistakes that all attempts krushat son or daughter to establish communication.To avoid this negative phenomenon, psychologists give the following advice:
- Do not be afraid to change the attitude towards the child, focusing on the extent of his growing up.Remember myself as a young man: chances are you thought and acted the same.
- Accept the fact that the heir has become mature and independent.Build a relationship on equal terms.
- Stop monitor and criticize.Give your child the freedom: let alone make decisions, because he has his own point of view.Do not be afraid that he might be mistaken - this is even useful from time to time.
- Be friendly and kind.Remember the meeting at the school and teacher communication with parents.So, your dialog looks as dry and formal, if you do not display warm feelings.
helps if you are asked.But in any case, do not climb into the soul if the advice is not addressed to you.Just hug the child and pat him on the head as a child: it is often a manifestation of the feelings more important than any words.
When relations are established
How to determine what the rules of communication with the parents brought the desired result?It's actually very simple.Positive "bell" will be the following points:
- mother or father you do not irritate.They are also happy to see you and feel no discomfort from the dialogue.
- Formed confidence during intercourse.
- you can confide in, to talk on equal terms, as a friend.
- Grievances are forgotten, rather they love warm your soul.
- desire to argue and conflict vanished.You feel the harmony and mutual understanding.
Culture of communication and behavior - a simple alphabet.You can learn it: sit down and sort things out with his own internal world, hover there order and arrange everything necessary for the shelves.Starting in any case it is necessary to himself, and then attach the older generation.This way you can re-own mother and father.They say that parents do not choose.But who knows whether this really is.At the very least, ask the right rhythm to your relationship and to paint them in new colors you can just.
