Many people know from their own experience: the less time remains before the main winter holiday, the more power is growing, and with it the chance of a quarrel.Psychologist Olga Yurchenko explains how to reverse this trend and to meet a nasty January 1 without scandals and quarrels.
verifies expectations
new year brings a lot of joy, and we are accustomed from childhood to wait for it with bated breath.Unfortunately, this habit of playing with us a cruel joke: the more hope, the greater the risk of disappointment, so, quarrels and insults.And since the submission of lovers on how to pass the New Year, it is rarely the same one hundred per cent, at least one of them is usually disappointed.
Our high expectations from a holiday fuels and mass culture.We are accustomed to, even unconsciously, to expect that in the New Year "that you desire, everything always happens, everything always comes true."This certainly has to happen all by itself, without our participation, as if by magic.But, unfortunately or fortunately, in real life we have to take the fulfillment of desires in their hands.
Therefore the first commandment peaceful New Year is: "discuss your expectations with each other."The sooner partners will find out, for example, that one is dreaming of big noisy partying all night, and the other would like to go to bed soon after the fight chimes, the easier it will be to come up with some kind of option that suits both.It should be borne in mind that each person is somehow guided by tradition, existing in his family or in his company, and these traditions also need to verify that the quarrel had been warned.
Mid-December - the best time to talk about how you want to spend the New Year, and make a detailed plan that suits you both.And as for the two weeks of you may change your mind, once again verify the plans shortly before the holiday.
striking out unnecessary things
end of the year for many people is a difficult time: affects the accumulated fatigue and the need to finish all the work the case until December 31 to quietly go on vacation.Tired people often become irritable, and yet there is still so much to do that you need to finish before midnight on New Year's: cleaning, buying gifts, the need to dress up the Christmas tree, decoration apartment, cooking delicious food.As a result, fatigue is only growing, the situation is heating up and the only one not said a word to quarrel.
Eat more tangerines, advises psychologist.Paradoxically this advice, but the smell of citrus, not only closely associated with the New Year, but also improves mood.
That's why the second rule of peaceful New Year - advance planning.In advance, make a detailed list of things to do before the holiday, and then divide them into three categories:
1. works that should be done anyway.
2. works that have done well, but that in the case of lack of time can be easily sacrificed.
3. Optional case to be made only if you have plenty of free time.
Remember that in the first category should not be too many responsibilities, so feel free to delete all the superfluous!The main criterion by which they should be selected - this is how they are required to create a Christmas mood.
And, of course, this list is important to discuss with your loved one, because it may be that the salad and garlands on the walls, you recorded in the third category, for it is an integral part of the holiday.Such an occasion is typical for those who not so long ago sign.The quarrel between husband and wife, is not likely to happen because nekuplennyh anchovies, because they are more aware of each other's tastes.
Do not be afraid to approach the reduction of the list of cases radically.The notorious "holiday feeling" is created using a very small set of signs.In the end, all that we do in preparation for the holiday, is primarily for our joy and pleasure, and not to put a check mark on the list of achievements.And then, nothing terrible will happen if you delay or even eliminate some business priority.
How else to make your life easier?
So, the list of New Year's Affairs compiled, but this is not enough.It is important to avoid another common reason for quarrels - the unequal distribution of responsibilities within couples.Unfortunately, it often happens that one of the partners takes on too much work and as a result gets tired, angry and accuses the second of unwillingness or inability to help, and there is a quarrel.
And because the third "peace" commandment - the selection of personal areas of responsibility.
• Go through the list of items and mark who is responsible for what.
• Always make sure that the case of each group were divided about equally.
• Remember that it is not necessary to do everything yourself.Of course, food is purchased in the store will not be as tasty as home, but you can not stand at the stove, and do other, more important things.And if a week before the New Year to make a general cleaning of the apartment before the holiday you will only bring a little clean.
• Think of the New Year that the cases can be made in advance.For example, if engaged in decoration of housing and buying gifts is not in the last days before the holiday, and at least two weeks before it can be great to save their nerves.In addition, it will help you create a real Christmas mood.
In the pre-holiday fuss we ourselves often do not notice how becomes annoying.Try not to bring themselves to exhaustion.If you feel tired or your mood deteriorates rapidly, it is better to honestly tell your partner: "I'm tired, I need to be alone for half an hour."And after a short rest, the mood will improve by itself.
The benefits wishlist
Gifts - this is another common reason for Christmas quarrels.Often we give our loved ones is not something that they like, or we get from them is not something that counted.Particularly frustrating it is when one of the partners spent a lot of time and money to give your loved one what he dreamed, and got back something cheap and totally unnecessary.However, this situation can be avoided if we use the fourth rule peaceful holiday, which is: to avoid a quarrel with her beloved on the subject of gifts, "Components Wishlists, ie lists of gifts that you would like."
Good wishlist must include at least a few things that are guaranteed to delight you, and it is better that these things were different price categories.The more points will be in the wishlist, the easier your partner will find something suitable.Do not forget about the list that you do not have to give in any case.People who previously exchanged wishlist and so-called antivishlistami with your loved ones more likely to get a gift that will please them than in those who did not.
happens that, despite all efforts, no particular joy the approaching holiday brings.This most often happens to those who are very serious about his training.At such moments, it is useful to focus on the present moment, not looking ahead, not thinking about what else to do, try to look around, for a festive time to give a lot of reasons for small pleasures.
without which you can not do
And finally, the last, the most important rule - do not you for the New Year and New Year to you.Not that it matters whether your apartment shine with cleanliness, table - burst with treats and gifts - meet the highest standards.The most important thing - to keep the festive mood yourself and your loved one, and then the new year will be a truly magical.
But if the argument is still not possible to avoid, in a happy tradition in Russia decided to celebrate the New Year and even the "old" calendar, so that you always have a second chance to celebrate well, considering all the previous mistakes.
Articles Source: lady.mail.ru
