Some people are so tired of the problems that we are ready to give up close and replace its functionality, "Here she evening came, cooking dinner, went to bed with me, and in the morning I woke up, and it's gone!" Practical Japanese have come up with a formRelations realizing this request, and called it the "guest marriage."
live apart, relax together
What brought this formula?Even more loneliness.Smart Japanese do not take into account two fundamental principles of the human psyche.First, is the need for intimacy and oneness with another person, which is inherent in us genetically.Neuroscientists have shown that our brains have special neurons to do.And, secondly, the fact that the modern human need for "freedom" and "separation" is not a real need, it is just a consequence of the desire to avoid pain and all sorts of fears of contact.
Sartre said, "Hell - is another.But heaven, too. "People are causing a lot of pain to each other, but they also bring joy and happiness.You can not protect itself from bad emotions, creating distance and expand its borders.This is a total misconception.Moreover, if a person is not in constant close contact with other people, over time, gradually and imperceptibly it becomes more suspicious and frightened.Even if the contact - the conflict, it is still vital to us.
loved one to be there and be available, otherwise we will start talking to yourself, with the computer, have fun taking care of kitties and doggies, conduct discussions with TV.And that's not the worst consequence of the lack of intimacy.
The worst fear of contact becomes - the less we have close contact with people, the more we fear them.This fear, growing gradually and imperceptibly, turns into a phobia or panic attack, a person simply can not leave the house, experiencing bouts of panic and suffocation.
All men are seen enemies and persecutors, who secretly want to hurt.And even if they are smiling from ear to ear, so their malicious intentions all the more obvious.Further, the enemies become neighbors, who for some reason the night out with suitcases, speaking in a whisper, - "no corpses in them if they are ?!".It seems that television emits harmful fluids, and the cat is probably an alien or a vampire.And until recently you were talking to a cat, and now you're afraid to talk with him, to which he is wrong about you not thought of!
can dismiss - such problems exist only at disabled people or those who have little contact.And here and there.Man, actively working, but no permanent close contact, sincere cooperation, as well as a couch potato, is subject to manias and phobias.
At work, we operate within a framework.Only marriage provides an opportunity to open up.Of course, if the partners do not turn it into a functional, replacing chat session on the "Facebook" or sitting in front of TV.Technical means invented to make life easier, not replace it.For example, many of the advanced person does not use a mobile computer, and after hours, knowing that communication with loved ones, it is important not only for the psychological and physical health.
analyzer response
People living in different cities, or in the guest marriage, visible to the naked eye.They are closed, barred and very critical.They think they know everything about everybody.Meanwhile it only seems so.When a person for a long time removed from a loved one, a loved one, he ceases to experience, to feel life becomes analyzer - observer is immersed in the flow of information, leaving the emotional.He stops to hear themselves and others, lives only some concepts, whether positive thinking, or the rule of "Do not believe, do not fear, do not ask!".
addition to all sorts of fears in us lies the need to unite and trust, many climbers were able to create financial independence, but it is not equal to the emotional independence.To some extent, depending on the family, we create with them a whole.Remember the movie "Hitch, removal rules" for professional love affairs calms his client saying that "all will pass and be forgotten and you will be free again."A customer protests, fending off what he wants to depend want to wait, to experience, to be in close conjunction.This is the beauty of life, the beauty of relationships.We choose those who influence, and who will depend on us.
suitcase without a handle
close relationship of people pass through three stages :
1. We look at each other.
2. We are looking in the same direction, going toward a common goal.
3. We are looking in different directions, opening up new worlds to each other.
Before the third stage of the relationship people prefer not to reach, considering that the partner hinders their personal development.This is a total misconception modern - in very rare cases, a person close keeps us growing.As a rule, we do not participate in its growth, and one day wake up strangers and decide to live separately.But, afraid to stay alone, do not leave at all.So for each other we grow into a suitcase without a handle - and bear heavily, and pity to throw.Once people become unbearable love for each other.And sometimes just decide to start an open relationship, giving yourself and your partner a chance for true intimacy and happiness.
With the development of society and the advent of economic independence in European and Western countries is directly proportional to the level falls tolerance and acceptance.The less people are dependent on each other financially, the less they are willing to make concessions, to accept and forgive.Hiding behind a shield of psychology, we are accused of complexes and failure - parents, frustration - partners.We are so afraid of the pain that we are trying to move away.But it does not hurt loneliness?
«self-therapy" relationship
If you have any thoughts on the division, separation and guest marriage - it's time to conduct prevention of emotional intimacy.It is foolish to think that everything happens by itself.Not going to happen.Understanding the need to create and intimacy, like so many things in our lives.So, not working out and eating all in a row, once slender girl in a moment realize that gained ten kilograms.Even what is given by nature, must be maintained.
Maintain a relationship - you need to communicate.If you are very busy - to devote to it a special time.If emotions going through the roof, it is possible to conduct a joint blog and write to each other about what you afraid to say.Blurts and prescribe their emotions and try to understand the partner.Really want to understand it, feel it.
not conceal negative feelings not bear to third parties and to allow a situation, pronouncing dissatisfaction with a partner.This will save you from a variety of foreign projection that 99% of the hang advisers, have no relation to your individual situation.
Sometimes we need to remember that the worst punishment - a single camera.So why punish yourself voluntarily, and most importantly - for what?
Gadgets instead of love
interesting picture is observed in London, New York and in Moscow.Hundreds of lonely people sit in cafes, airports and subway with laptops, tablets, phones.They did not see each other, do not even try to solve the problem of his loneliness, lost in the web of the web.
Even more frightening to see the mother, father and son, being near the airport, immersed deep in their gadgets.And if a child suddenly something asks, they irritated him.Communication between them is limited by the words "gone", "give", "where is it?".They do not look into the eyes, do not touch each other, stuffed myself with tons of unnecessary information as starving children sweets.And do not even notice that unnecessary jaded news and facts.
Articles Source: psyh.ru
