Stone Age.He and she are going to celebrate the mammoth killed.She asks:
- What a piece of me to wear?Fig and oak?
- Put nettle, the ball will be bullies! ...
***
- Girl, what are you doing tonight?
- Look how shy!And that evening, the wait?
***
German lesson:
- Peter translate: "Guten Morgen" ...
- Good in the morgue!
***
- Mirror, mirror, tell me, but the truth was told I only weapon in the light of all the sweeter, all ruddy and whiter?
mirror And I answered:
- Fuck you, I - plate.
***
Talk two from Odessa:
- Walk it started early.At four he was reading.At five recited Pushkin, Pasternak, Brodsky.And in the six already being played on violins
- Wow, what your child is capable of!
- What does the baby?This is about my neighbor Jacob Solomonovicha tells how he gave us a weekend morning to sleep did not give!
***
- This hedgehog slice for this segment for the canary, this slice of ducklings, this slice for kittens ...
- Grandpa, you can still rewrite his will?
***
Call a travel agency:
- I like to relax ...
- What amount do you have?
- Well, RUR 500.
- Relax.
***
- Where am I?- Alice asked in surprise.
- You're in Wonderland - Cheshire Cat said.
- And who is there, in the bushes?
- Miracles.
- What are they doing?- Alice asked, blushing slightly.
- As any miracles - smiling cat - happen ...
***
- You know, dear, I'm here for a month she lost 2 kg!
- Oh, my slonyshko!
- Goat!Just do not lie to you, it's a typo!
***
The hazard class prishla novaya uchitelnitsa literatury.First urok.
- ... kids!Ugadayte, tvorchestvo kakogo velikogo russkogo pisatelya poeta and we izuchat.Podskazyvayu: pervaya Code letter "P", poslednyaya - "H".
Masha pulls his hand:
- Pushkin.
Uchitelnitsa:
- Pravilno, Masha.I nravitsya hod tvoih thoughts.And now.kto znaet, tvorchestvo kakogo pisatelya we prohodit potom.Podskazyvayu: pervaya Code letter "T", poslednyaya - "B".
Katya pulls his hand:
- Turgenev.
Uchitelnitsa:
- Pravilno, Katya.I nravitsya hod tvoih thoughts.And now ...
... Here pulls his hand Vovochka:
- Marivanna, a vot otgadayte you: pervaya Code letter "X", poslednyaya - "Q"!
- Vovochka !!!Von from klassa!
- Marivanna!IT'S HEMIHGUEY.Ho your thinking MHE HRAVITSYA.
***
Louvre.A tourist stops near the figure with fig leaf and long
looks at her.
guide:
- Madam, you are waiting for leaf fall?
***
- Mom, what does Stork after children brings?
- Nothing son: turns to the wall and began to snore.
***
call on the radio: - Hello, I would like to congratulate my dad on his birthday and wish him much happiness from the heart dochlena!
- how far?
- not how far, and his daughter Lena!
***
- Hello, I came to the morgue?
- No, it is just phoned ...
***
The dating agency addresses man.An employee
:
- Who would you like to choose?
Client:
- girl 20-30 years old, blonde, height 175, waist 60, bust - 4th number provided (apartment, car, cottage).An employee
:
- I'm sorry, but your age-55 years and the growth of 165cm.It can fit 45 years, brunette, 3 rd number?
peasant:
- No!Be sure to fourth!
servants (after much persuasion, in their hearts):
- Only a fool, when such data may agree to marry a loser, bald, poor and sick!
Man, sighing:
- All right, let it be fool!
***
husband and wife quarrel, shouting.She told him sharply:
- And now a verse!
He stunned:
- What poem?
- Verse - a verb!He sat down and verse!
***
- Girl!Stop eating!
- Oh, you take care of my body?
- No!You are eating my brandy!
***
Goat "- thought the parrot looking at the crow." Gay "- I thought crow looking at parrot ..
***
At a scientific symposium met four linguist: English, German, Italianand Russian. And, of course, talking about the languages. Whose supposedly language better, richer and what language belongs to the future? The Englishman said: - England - a country of great conquests, sailors and travelers who have spread the glory of her tongue to all corners of the world.English - the language of Shakespeare, Dickens, Byron, is undoubtedly the best language in the world. - Not at all, said the German - our language - the language of science and philosophy, medicine and technology. The language of Kant and Hegel, on which is written the best work of world literature - FaustGoethe. - You are both wrong - entered into a dispute Italian. Think of all the world, all of humanity loves music, songs, romances, operas. In what language sounds the best love songs, the most charming melodies and brilliant opera? In the language of sunny Italy.Russian was silent, listening humbly and said finally:
- Of course, I would also like each of you to say that the Russian language - the language of Pushkin, Tolstoy, Turgenev, Chekhov - transcends all languages of the world.But I do not go your way.Say, could you in their own languages to make a short story with strings, with a consistent development of the plot, and, to all the words of this story began with the same letter?It is very puzzling interlocutors and all three of them said: - No, our tongues can not do this.- But in Russian it is possible, and I'll prove it to you.
- Call any letter - said the Russian, referring to the German.
He replied:
- All the same, let's say - the letter "P".- Well, here's the story with the letter "P":
Pyotr Petukhov, Lieutenant Podolsky fifty-fifth Infantry Regiment, I received a letter in the mail full of nice wishes.Come, wrote charming Pauline Pavlovna Perepelkina.Let's talk, dream a little, dance, we take a walk.Come, Peter Petrovich, hurry.Petukhov invitation liked.
train arrived in the afternoon.Took Pyotr venerable father Pauline Pavlovna, Paul Panteleimonovich.
- Please, Peter Petrovich, a seat back, said the father.Approached balding nephew greeted: Porphyry Platonovich Polikarpov.
- Please, please!There was a lovely Pauline.Full shoulders covered with a transparent Persian shawl.We talked, joked, was invited to dine.Filed dumplings, rice, pickles, gras, pate, pies, cakes, half a liter of orange.Tightly lunch.Pyotr felt pleasant satiety.
After the meal, after a hearty snack, Pauline Pavlovna invited Pyotr walk in the park.Before the park extends affluent pond.Swept under sail;After swimming on the pond, went for a walk in the park.
- Sit down, offered Pauline Pavlovna.Sat.
Pauline Pavlovna moved closer.
sat, silent, sounded the first kiss ...
- get married, get married - whispered bald nephew.
- Right, got married - father approached boomed.
Pyotr turned pale, staggered, then ran away.Ran, thought Pauline Pavlovna - a great party.Pyotr Petrovich flashed before the prospect of a fine estate.I hastened to send an offer.
Offer Pauline Pavlovna took.We got married.The friends came to congratulate, and brought gifts.Transmitting packets sentenced:
- lovely couple.
Full pi * dec - thought admirers of Pushkin ...
Photo source: liveinternet.ru
