As a preface.Since this article, I almost feel like rocks thrown at me.Just want to say - I'm a parent and a child, so to some extent I can understand both sides.
from anyone I did not ask.All people are different, many of us have different approaches to the relations in general and relations with children in particular.And the results are different, even with the same approach.
But maybe someone my thoughts will help if you do not agree with their children, or at least better understand them.In my opinion, in relation to children, adults or not, it is important to observe the following rules:
Rule № 1. Causation
This is perhaps the most important and the most difficult in the matter of how to raise children andhow to keep them - to keep in the mind of a causal relationship between your upbringing and its result.
Aiming at something, people always have clear idea about two things: the ultimate goal and the methods of achieving it.Alas, in relation to education, parents sometimes make serious puncture - imagining the goal they completely forget about the methods.
Moreover, sometimes the goal is the same, and methods lead to completely opposite.And then begin the claim.
Think: is it any wonder that your child is not independent, irresponsible, and not able to take the initiative to make a choice, if you had it real choice in life is not allowed.I stress - a real choice, becauseparents sometimes manage to make a choice without a choice.
For example, give your child to choose only the options that suit parents.Or, in the style of choice: you can choose a banana or an apple, but then we'll make sure that it is necessary to choose the apple.
Rule № 2. Do not create debt
Clearly, we all want children to be closer to us, to pay attention, to respect our opinion.This desire seems only increases with age, and most of all - in retirement when life runs past us, begins feeling retardation, boredom, loneliness.
And sometimes want to (and someone constantly) Encourage children to their sons debt.But do not create in children a permanent impression that they are all we have.Himself also will do worse.
Once a beloved and successful man told about the secret of his success: "I never told the man that he had no taste, and never heard of anything to anyone not lend."
Besides, someone must always refer negatively.Try to borrow someone big (for you) the bag of money.How do you relate to the person?The mind will convince you that you are to blame, but the feelings are still with rotten.And this happens not only with monetary debts.
Rule № 3. Do not try to protect against errors
I think almost all parents want to protect children from all the mistakes that they made in the past.So you want to take care of their child, to protect him from pain and frustration.
But think about this: not giving your son or daughter to make clear to you the error, you do not give him the opportunity to learn what is a bug, how to avoid it and how to reduce the effects of the transaction.
You do not decide for him math problems, even if they would have caught her in a few minutes.You will not always be there, and not all mistakes that happen to make your daze, you know.
with an error - as the prohibitions: to use its power needed only when there is a real threat to life and health.Agree, drug and drink driving - this one, and the choice of friends or wives - it is quite another.
And more.There are parents that have resorted to the same insidious reception.Please warn then allowed to make a mistake, and then say (when with care when a superiority), "I told you so (as)!»
Do not ever do!Man and bad.Think about his feelings.And about his future.By making these insinuations, your ego you, perhaps, to amuse, but your child vtopchet in the bottom self-esteem.And when they hit a lying, he does not forgive anyone.Even the closest.
Rule № 4. Do not dream of the children
Especially this sin my mother.Men tend to be more simple and more do not go yourself.They understand that the fact that someone else realizes their dream, they do not experience the delight of that would feel, realizing her true self.
Compulsory school early development, "so that (s) he has reached the heights of which are unattainable for me."Give her son to a music school only because they themselves wanted a child, but was not possible.Pressure on the son (daughter), that it was engaged in equestrian sports (football, dancing, etc.), because most parents would not allow.The list is endless.
Stop and think.You embody in your child their dreams.Perfectly.Have you thought where disappear while his own?The same obscurity and dissatisfaction, and that burns you.
you breed a dangerous trend unhappiness and unfulfilled dreams, which can be transmitted by generations.Think about your parents.Maybe they have something to embody?And how do you feel?Do you want this for your child?
Rule № 5. Do not insist on its right
Such is the property of the person: giving advice and guidance, showing goodwill, we rarely think about the side effects.As a general rule, a parent for a child more powerful man than for a parent to a child.
and tips parents can influence very much in the child's life, including the negative.Especially when the parents are forgotten.Do not believe me?Go to court and see how many divorces have such reasons: "For her, only her mother - credibility, and I have it at the back" or "I'm tired of fighting with his mom for his attention and respect."
There is nothing wrong with the child to pass their wisdom.But in all important self-control.Man - a creature of habit, and one-off advice (if not how to think through) can rapidly turn into a constant pressure, where it is necessary and where it is not necessary.
And terrible resentment if your opinions do not adhere to the millimeter.All the bad habits of the scandal-mongering to sadism, starting with the fact that 1-2 times tried - and liked it.A gain control over a much more difficult than to keep it in the beginning.
and sometimes impossible.I personally know some people who are around it is necessary to establish its "truth."To the last word at all costs was for them.Such people are themselves unhappy, and poison the life of their environment.Do you need it?
the most important rule.Respect!
Without respect a man does not exist.If a person is not respected (as an individual, not an application to himself) as he tried to earn such respect, he had two choices - either to become limp rag, or the maximum to avoid the source of contempt.
Which version is right for you?I think no.And begin to respect your child better as soon as possible.Then it will be easier to him and to you.And it is the right time to listen to you, because he is not afraid of you, because you are for him - a friend, a partner, a stone wall on which to lean, and not imposed from the top source of custody and requirements.
From my personal experience (only personal, please note): I found it much easier to raise a child, when he was treated not as a subject of education, not as some little creature, and as an adult.Well, yes, of me still need direction, explaining where some prohibitions.
Yes, not all topics are clear to him.But the child immediately becomes much clearer, closer, and how to handle it, it becomes immediately obvious to every occasion.And it does not dissolve itself in the care of the child.And give him a choice, do not fall into overprotective.And everything else.
Now you can throw stones.
Catherine Mazurenok
Articles Source: shkolazhizni.ru
