People can not live without a sense of belonging to another person's life.We all need to feel loved, needed.Everyone wants to take care of them, they showed sincere attention.Affection - it is one of the manifestations of love.Everyone knows that a sense of well-being comes from the unconscious needs to be someone fit.
This article questions the origins of the emergence of attachment.It may be that this material will help someone understand the difficult relationship with a spouse, child, parents and make the right decision.
definition
attachment - is the need for love of another person.How often do we begin to not just expect similar displays of affection in our direction, but even offended, angry, when the focus is not on our person.It fears insecure person who does not know their value.The attachment to the person, in fact, reflects our own attitude toward yourself and life in general.It has been observed that the more a person loves himself, the less he feels the need in others.That is a strong attachment - it's always synonymous with personal distress, lack of confidence in their abilities and capabilities.
How is this feeling?
origins of any manifestations of trouble is always to be found in childhood.When an adult suffers excessively without the presence in the life of a spouse or child, afraid to be separated from their parents, which means that there is some problem.Maybe when he was a child, the parents did not pay him enough attention.And now he is trying to compensate for this nedolyublennosti, trying to be fit to all who can only: the second half, own daze.But such an omission can not be corrected with the passage of time: everything should be done on time, and love too.It is important to go through all the stages of love gradually, so you do not mix relationships, not to add to unnecessary resentment and misunderstanding.
Painful focus on someone hinders development, the formation of future prospects, prevent personal growth.Attachment to a man sometimes infringe upon their own interests, makes us look for ways to save the relationship.You do not need too "take a strong liking" it is necessary to have some personal space to live and to let others build on the fate of your own.
Bowlby's attachment theory
British scientists have identified 4 types of predisposition to development is impossible to live without the other person.John Bowlby largely considered the relationship mother and child, but this model makes sense to consider in the light of the interaction of adults with each other.The first kind of affection he called safe.The essence of it is this: in a relationship achieved reasonable boundaries between adults and the child's needs.The parent does not infringe upon the identity of his child, it allows him to fully grow, to obtain the necessary knowledge.I must say, this type of attachment is the most meaningful of all, because it does not prevent the development, not forced to suffer.
Anxious-line shunning behavior demonstrates the dependence of the child from the parent forms a profound experience of being separated from him, the impossibility of even a short time to be alone.Emotional attachment is very strong.Due to the fact that the parent shows little emotion, the child afraid to express their own feelings out loud, there is a fear of intimacy.Becoming older, these children experience considerable difficulties in the construction of personal and friendly relations, as they always think that they are not interesting to others, which leads to doubts as to its significance.
Dually-resisting position shown great fear of the unknown.The man himself puts obstacles in the way of self-knowledge and self-improvement.The uncertainty and shyness are the result of upbringing in childhood, when parents do not recognize the obvious merits of the child, not to praise him for his courage, so he became extremely shy.
Dezorganizatsionno-controlled position includes all of the above symptoms, and is characterized by a lack of consistency, common mistakes, lack of recognition of their values, fears, compulsions.Bowlby's attachment theory demonstrates the origin of this phenomenon, as the painful psychological dependence on another person.Such relationships are always destructive feelings.
affection or love?
When love becomes a dependency?Where is the line that separates the true relationship from those that cause a person to act as begging?To understand this issue is not as simple as it might seem at first glance.
most difficult of all human relationships are.Affection, whatever they were, sometimes bring great suffering.
Love always needs to partner assured him in his infinite love, infinite tenderness and showed loyalty.If it does not, start of doubt, suspicion, unfounded allegations, jealousy.This happens because people are not very sure of himself, and somewhere in the depths of the soul doubts that it is possible to love at all.True feelings free from the requirements of arrogant talk and fear.Love wants to give itself, manifested in the infinite care of a loved one and thus does not require anything in return.
How to recognize an unhealthy relationship?
Painful attachment - it's always a limited self-image.People think that they do not like, but in reality they have no interest in themselves, do not use the opportunities that could have gone for them, to bring a new level of development.The man was in a state of acute affection, does not appreciate his personality.Because he and the other needed to compensate for your own love drama.
a vicious circle.Often, it uses the phrase: "I can not live without you."In this case, you always want to ask: "How can you live up to the meeting with his loved one?Is languished, endured hunger and cold? ".Even if you owe something to a particular person, you need to learn to live on their own, so as not to feel all his life a slave.
negative consequences
We've already figured out how to excessive attachment can interfere with personal growth.Negative phenomena such as lack of confidence and low self-esteem - it is binding consequences.And what is the result?The identity is lost in the flow of their own fears, and at some point it just becomes impossible to go forward.And it all starts with a dislike to him.If a person is able to think about their well-being, self-education, his life changed for the better.
How to overcome unrequited love?
Such a fate most often befalls the very people who have not learned to appreciate their own identity.As if these people are given a test in which they have to find their lost identity, to learn to understand what is important to them.
Many crossed lovers interested in how to get rid of attachment, which delivers nothing but misery?Tips will not help, it is necessary to go through a comprehensive pain, literally tearing the heart in half.When the tears dry up, people come to realize that and did not like in reality, and they thought so, because life without the drama was nothing to fill.All you need to do - is to find a new raison d'être.
Why is it important to love yourself?
adequate perception of the self - the key to success in any endeavor.Love to yourself gives you many benefits and, above all, a strong inner core.Then, no matter what happens, people will know that any problems are solved, there is a global catastrophe, which could not be corrected.The person only becomes really free when able to take responsibility for everything that was happening to her.
Thus, painful attachment to other people - this is not an indicator of a strong love for them, but the consequence of serious shortcomings, shortcomings in the formation of the self.To live happily, you need to be independent, to find inner freedom.And only then it is possible to fall in love for real.
