All of us have repeatedly seen a successful, energetic, wealthy women who are deterred by the stronger sex.What exactly are afraid of men?They live deep, almost subconscious fear - they do not want to experience pain and be in a position subordinate.
child status among peers is determined by brute force.Having learned as a child to be afraid of it, men have similar feelings about women who have developed intellect, will and financial resources.Men on their part.
woman who has achieved professional and material success, often have to struggle to prove that it can also be vulnerable, too, needs a man, and is capable of happiness, having lost its independence.
Rachel, dressed in a costume from the fashion designer, tapped impatiently on the floor of the shoe Feragamo.
- I want to be a man.My life is perfect, it lacks only one ingredient - an opportunity to share her with another man.Tell me what I have to do, and to fulfill your orders.
Office Rachel was in downtown Los Angeles, near her luxury penthouse.At seven in the morning she was walking to work and go back eight or nine in the evening.
- How do you think your life has changed with the advent of the man in it?- I asked.
- Well, he might come after me in the evening to work and to follow up at home.I'd had a companion to visit different events.I would feel loved and felt no inferiority complex because of the lack of men in my life.I would get a partner for a game of golf at the country club.We have traveled a lot, and I would feel the fullness of life.Last time I talk to a lot of women.All of them are married or unmarried.I was thirty-seven, it's time to start a family.
I was struck by the fact that fantasy Rachel did not affect its own role in the life of an imaginary partner.She thought only about how it will fit into its existence.
- Men say that I intimidate them.That's because I'm smarter than most men.I earn more than many of them.I was quite satisfied with a person with a lower income, but in this case it has to be an intellectual, creative workers.In truth, I would prefer a man with revenues in excess of mine.
past personal life Rachel was episodic, irregular.In between short novels with the likes of her business people, she found time for a "recreational" sex with undemanding and attractive men.It has never been engaged, had not lived with a man, and did not think seriously about marriage with someone.Now, marriage was for her main goal in life.
first thing she had to do - is to inspire men to stop the fear.
- It's not me, but in themselves, - she said.- They - wimps and they know it.So they are afraid of me.But if I were given the chance I would prove that I can be gentle, loving and sexy.To do this I have to get to know the person.- Rachel was silent - talking about their feelings, she felt embarrassed - and finally went on - I have never had the opportunity to open up that side.I'm too busy, always trying to succeed in business and often forget about other aspects of my personality.
From the "I" - for "us»
First of all, Rachel should learn to use the word "you" and "we" instead of "I".She was so used to think only about themselves, which is fully concentrated on his own person.The use in communicating with other men pronouns made less self-centered style of Rachel, but for the successful acquisition of the man of her dreams this woman had to change more than substantial.
The next step was to be the transformation of the way of thinking with respect to men.First she treated them as property acquired, but now she should see them as partners.
- When you meet the next man that you like - I said - try to treat him as if he - a partner, which you take in your business.You want to make him feel comfortable.Want it opened and have enriched my ideas.Want it felt like a member of your team.
Rachel knew how to be a "business partner", but it never occurred to me that a personal relationship with a man requires a joint effort.The whole concept has proved it to something new.She had not contend with man, and to cooperate with him.Do not engage in tug of war, and to pull it together at one end.
One of the main problems was Rachel that this woman lived a long time in solitude, had become too independent.She was used alone to decide when and what to do.Rachel did not understand that to create a full-fledged relations with a man, she must give up some of their autonomy.
Who will be boss
Now, I told Rachel, she would have to accept the fact that she is the boss about one-quarter of the time, but not permanently.
- Wait!- She exclaimed tone business woman leading negotiations.- Why is this man should be the boss of three-quarters of the time?And in general, whose side are you on?
Due to the lack of experience of personal relationships Rachel thought that has the right to address it "took" half the time - at least, she added.
- In real life, in order to achieve equality, - I said - it is necessary that men are the boss of a quarter of the cases, and in other situations, no one is the boss, because you both have to compromise.
problem "who is the boss?" Often occurs in late marriages.Each of you used to make decisions unilaterally, to be completely independent, to do everything on his own.
If you live without a partner, you do not need to compromise.But if you want to maintain a strong relationship with someone, you can not always be the boss.You can not control the behavior of the other person, so you have to give up the role of the boss for the sake of living together.
Rachel was the only child in the family, it is always taught to be independent and make their own decisions.Therefore, the most serious problem in a personal relationship to her was a rejection of the role of commander.
Leave space for men
Rachel visited the apartment during a party, that she arranged for friends, I realized that the man would have felt uncomfortable in this situation.For example, the bathroom was so crammed with cosmetics, perfumes and body care products out there that would not find a place even for a new toothbrush, not to mention the shaving cream.In the bedroom, Rachel
embodied female fantasy, lace decorate the room, pillows and fancy decorations, which I have not ever seen.Any man would have definitely felt that his presence here is just inappropriate.
furniture in the living room, exquisite antiques in the Queen Anne style, did not have to spontaneous recreation, which dreams of every man.No one would have thought to fall apart here in comfort, especially to put his feet on the coffee table.Porcelain Rachel was so thin and expensive, that the man was afraid to take a cup of coffee in their hands.
Nothing hinted at Rachel's ability to care for someone or something.I do not see family photos, talking about what the landlord loves his parents or other relatives.There no need to care for houseplants and pets.
Rachel had to learn how to show the man that she is able to care for a loved one.Her choice is unlikely to be required, so that it has become a forever hlopochuschih housewife at the stove, but it certainly would prefer to deal with a woman, which can be represented as a caring, gentle and loving wife.If he saw her feeding the dog, giving the animal a sincere love, he would have realized that he could hope for a similar attitude.Otherwise, he may suspect that inside this "cool" biznesvumen beating heart of a mother, wife, life partner?
Rachel immediately began to rebuild.Bought houseplants, got rid of lace curtains, he acquired a comfortable leather sofa on which a man could be stretched to his full height, and went to the market to pick up a pet.
It acquired a kitten, then his sister and brother.Suddenly, her apartment has worn three small animals.From that day life has changed Rachel.A man could immediately see that it is not always the boss - in command of the kittens at home - and that she loves them in spite of the fact that they create a mess, scratching furniture, climb on the expensive designer suits and face decorating the shelves on the carpet.Now living together with Rachel might seem to someone pleasure.
The most important was the fact that in the soul of Rachel blossomed "thoughtful beginning" and the woman began to feel better about herself.
- Even if I did not "podtseplen" so a man, anyway, I took off part of the stress - she said.
less than a year, Rachel met Jonas, head of a large corporation.It happened when a woman working on a voluntary basis in the Los Angeles Committee to prepare for the Olympics.Jonas met all its requirements.He even played golf.Soon they got engaged.However, I noticed this woman something from the old Rachel.
- My fiance does not always do what I want - she complained.
I reassured her by saying that my husband is not always fulfills my wishes.
press paid great attention to their wedding.But even after marriage Rachel had to contend with his desire to be the boss.
Articles Source: Tracy Cabot "Late Marriage - a clever marriage»
