few stories from his childhood to help us understand how important it is to understand how deeply can injure rash acts and accidentally thrown phrase.
Adults do not always think about how they are reflected in the words and actions of children.It does not matter who the adult - a parent, a teacher, an educator or a neighbor.The vast majority of children from an early age the principle of "respect for the adult."This is respect for peers who knows something better, and it does not matter what the first reaction of envy or admiration.A more valuable the subsequent desire: to repeat or surpass.
Why, after becoming independent, one we remember with warmth and thoughts of others that we associate with a series of injustices and resentments, which in the best case, we try to forget, and at worst understand that this pain for a long time to accompany uslife.
Each of the described cases, too individual to judge the reasons for the different reactions.We hope that a few stories from his childhood to help us understand how important it is to understand how deeply can injure rash acts and accidentally thrown phrase.
All childhood memories restored from real situations.
1. As a born uncertainty
«... I remember very well the situation is not so much how much my feelings when I was quite small I sit and rewrite the second time the composition of the draft in clean copy.The first time it was because of incorrect transferred words, the second time because of the tears that fell on the sheet.Not to say that it was an accident.Maybe I wanted my mother to see the tears, I realized, as I bitter and hurt.But these two sheets were taken out of the notebook, and it all started again.I remember very well that night, when I stupidly text wrapping is not just the words, but the output of each letter, afraid to make a mistake.
I remember that I was forced to do a first class job to draft and then transferred to a clean copy.Careful I still did not, but there was a fear of making a mistake.Even now, when I say that "this" document patches should not be allowed, I'm turning into a schoolboy, unforgivable for a long time to fill adult document that others go in minutes.And there was a wild uncertainty in the work done, let the voltage only when someone reputable give a positive answer. "
Maybe Mom could not imagine this child grow in the son of uncertainty.She wanted the child to learn accuracy, responsibility and diligence.But the way in which it decided to do so, broke the confidence and became the father of fear - fear of making a mistake.On the scales settled homework without corrections and a loss of confidence for life.Oh, she knew she had to this unequal exchange ...
As it was necessary to do?In fact, a lot of options, but you should always keep in mind what quality you develop.For the formation accuracy was enough focus on what has been done accurately show the progress in the implementation, compared to the previous job, to say how important it is, and give an opportunity to feel albeit with little success.And only then pay attention to what you need to improve.In this case, the motivation to repeat the success will be higher, and the child himself will strive to outdo themselves.The errors will only indicate the direction of the effort to improve results.
2. The tablet of "shyness»
«... I do not remember to what the holiday, but remember that without exception all students in the class was told to prepare a number of amateur creativity at the cool evening.To my singing I treated critically, did not know how to dance.Share a poem of course I could, but I generally shy wild speeches in public.I decided that I needed to get sick, to the slope of the whole event.We must pay tribute to my mother, she immediately figured out "the sudden deterioration of health," he had to admit.
first mother tried to "cure" my shyness and talked a long time about the successes and failures of the power of will and overcome.I remember that the longer she talked, the stronger was the desire zakosit.He came and joined the pope.I do not remember exactly what he was talking about, but issued a decision - we will act together with my mother, not to be shy.I think of what it will shadow dance.He took the lantern, fixed sheet, and we started to come up with the number.Which it was a magical evening that we came up with the story, selected music and movement.Before the performance we were worried, but everything went fine.Against the background of poems, songs and awkward dance we explicitly different, to obtain the approval of both children and parents.I learned a lot from this case.Now I realize how lucky I was with my parents. "
At the right moment, the parents realize that the child does not need notation and guidance, and real support.They fully gave her feel.A positive outcome was the need to "tablet" from fear and shyness.Bravo!
3. A sense of security
«... In our garden was a boy Vova.Such an ordinary boy, does not particularly different from the rest.No, it was different - it was an interesting father.I do not know where nurses and caregivers was a fad, but we have always made to eat up all that we are given.For rights violators often practiced collective impact.Anyone who has eaten, do not go to bed and getting around the table of the one who has not eaten, and waited.Frankly, we did not like those who are slowly eaten, and they are often the target of ridicule, that encouraged educators.
Among those guys was and Vova.Once he unloaded the first and porridge and chop to eat faster.He roared, trying to push it to himself, and then pulled out.I remember very well that he was punished, after which the entire hour left in a quiet corner.
When it came for his dad, he was told what his rebellious son.He spoke with his son, brought educators and nurses in the hallway.What's he told them, I do not know, but most of us are not forced to eat up everything.
day, because on a quiet hour we behaved loudly, all of us in shorts set to stand during the quiet hours.Who asked for forgiveness, he went to sleep.One Vova remained standing, because he was not furious at all, and said that would not be apologizing.When Dad came to him, Vova himself told him that he was unjustly punished.His dad brought back as a teacher in the hallway.Then they came back and apologized to Vova.
After this incident, the collective methods of education have gone "out" and Vovka tried not to touch.Needless to say that Vovkin dad was to us like a knight.Since then I believe in justice, I know that evil is punished, that if there is support, that is, and self-confidence.And, in fact, many envied Vovka ... ".
Our generation brought up in the style of one for all ... But we were not taught to build together, we learned together to share the responsibility.This approach is smeared individuality and avoids both personal responsibility and an understanding of each individual contribution.Therefore, most of the time running the phrase - "the Joneses", "like everyone else", "nothing special", "normal", etc.The worst thing is that some parents think so now.
main thing that parents need to know who your child want to see personality - do not let anyone put pressure on your child.Founded rod fool can be broken, and then the child joins the ranks of "no worse than others."Protect your child from attack on his person.This is a prerequisite for the formation of the character.
4. Depreciation person
«... If we Skoda and mischief with his sister, his mother once tried to send us to boarding school, saying:" Why should I bore you, there you quickly corrected the brains, will see the difference ... ".However, it really started to pack in a suitcase, bringing us into hysterics.Of course, it scares us, but I still do not believe in the sincerity of the people.I fall into a stupor, when someone talks about my uselessness, and I'm ready to crawl in the legs as long as I'm not throwing.Probably, much can tell psychologists and psychiatrists, but sometimes my actions so illogical that it is a topic for another discussion .... "
very difficult to comment on this passage.I do not know who taught this "stupid woman" frighten children with excommunication, but the fact that she received as a result, it is unlikely it can to please.Under no circumstances children can not be beat!But the strength of the emerging and disruptive to the fragile psyche of the child's fear of isolation, in my view, a thousand times immoral and destructive.
This fear kills the child's own value.It kills love and the ability to love.It kills confidence and creates a complete dependence.This fear binds and gives more to think about anything other than the loss of his place in the family.These words - betrayal of a child.Do not allow yourself even as a joke to scare a child with excommunication from the family.
5. The independence or rejection?
«... I do not know what love is.If this is what I imagine what my parents did not like.No, I was not beaten, humiliated, just did not like.Dad had his own interests, and it is to implement them, and the important thing was for my mother to have everything like everyone else, and be left alone.My brother and I knew by heart his address, and how to behave safely in the city, where there is food.We were fed and clothed, but otherwise complete freedom.We were taught to solve their problems without involving adults.Fight - make peace!Fell - get up!Problems - up to you!On the surface we had a regular family, but there was no warmth, relationships, attention.
In second grade, my brother is already well oriented in the city visited all areas.We have in mind was not to talk about the problems, if we deal with them, but this did not particularly interested.When I got sick, then he went to the hospital, his mother learned about it only when I had to be hospitalized with pneumonia.
Probably, in the end I was well brought up - I will survive in any situation and can not find a solution to any problem that would face.My brother and I grew very independent.Just some of the machine.I know a lot of things and a lot of things I can, but I just did not know anything about human relations.I do not know what feelings, but pain, cold, hunger.I live with full awareness that I'm no use to anyone in this world, and my main task - not to interfere with your life around.I certainly have friends and acquaintances, but I do know that I do not need them with their experiences.Now the relationship with parents "hi-bye."I'm sick of this awareness ... ".
Some parents show shifted the focus on education.They think that to feed, dress and walk the child - it is a manifestation of love, and teach yourself - it will plunge into adulthood, and she will teach.Only it is not always clear where the boundaries between freedom and indifference.Raise warrior stone jungle is not very difficult, as well as the ability to kill a manifestation of human emotions.
Children need attention, participation, arms.You can run the math, and then after a long time if you want to brush up on her again.But it is practically impossible to deprive a child of love in childhood, and then to fill it.It is the law, it is necessary to know.Any thought in the style of "here now to earn extra money, and then I'll spend more time with his family," it is false.This is the case when you can not recover lost time.
Protect yourself and your children! Give your child what he needs, not what you have on hand.
Articles Source: vospitaj.com