This is not the biblical story.But perhaps the most incredible, that could happen to the Jews (that is, me and my husband).
It happened in the late summer of 1990, a year before the collapse of our common country and two - before our departure to Israel.And both of these events were closely linked, since the second event is directly dependent on the first.
But that summer we were cheerful life still quite young people involved in mountaineering, singing songs around the campfire or in the kitchen with vodka and a good snack ...
As they say ... there were no signs ...
While our friends one evening notbrought to our house to live month pig with the intention that I'll make it out of her pig roast is on some super recipe.The recipe was attached to Zina (this then we call it so).
Piglets in undifferentiated form, as you may remember, in the Soviet shops have not been sold, and in the market is also not so often be found slain the pig babies.But live pigs sold in abundance.So, without further ado, these lovers of pork delicacies bought a live pig.
assumes grandiose revelry, which abruptly canceled by one of my questions: "friend and who will it cut?"
This seemingly logical in such a situation the question, all by surprise, even the most avid foodies.In the air hung a tense silence, and ceased to be a languid evening.
ubivtsa piglets was not, and all the gop company somehow instantly evaporated, literally - away from sin.
And my husband and I stayed with pretty pig grunts, which has managed to beg and gobble up some cookies and comfortable perched on a chair, displacing the landlord deserved - a cat, not knowing that moments of her life are numbered.My husband went over in my head all the known (urban population) methods slaughtering cattle and sheep and authoritatively stated that the piglets are deprived of life mallet blow on the head.The role of beater had to perform hammer for cooking chops.And the search for any neck problems, because, as you know, pig's head flows smoothly into the back, and that it be considered a long neck caused the dispute.Finally, a consensus was reached, according to which the back of his head was appointed in the middle of the convex head.
husband took, I do not understand human cunning beast, and carried her into the bathroom.To my question: "Why in the bathroom?" I got a sadistic response "and that the blood is easier to wash off, if that ...".
All I could sarcastic response: "draw a cross on the" back of the head "....So as not to miss ... "and went on to the balcony.Nervously lit a cigarette and gulping tears, I have given a woman's sad thoughts like "and what I gave?" In the sense "and how I could marry this cruel? ..." Well, everything in this spirit.Further life of a murderer (even pigs) under one roof did not promise anything good ...
My gloomy thoughts were interrupted by a loud sound of something falling in the bathroom and the sound of something shattering there, barking dogs and our cat heart-rending cry.
«Shendets pig ..." and with this thought I tore off the balcony into the room.In the kitchen, her husband poured vodka into a glass with a trembling hand, the bathroom was lying broken glass for dental supplies, ryadom- beater, and sat in the bath ... alive and unharmed svinyuha, not frightened by all this commotion, and even curiously, looks at me- tousled and zarёvannuyu.
-Fakir was drunk ...?
Yeah well you all that I have ... the murderer?She looked at me like ...
In general, it became clear that the execution will not take place (as well as I do from the heart otleglo- given to whom it is necessary!) And stood the eternal question of "what to do?" ("Who is to blame?"It was clear!).
They decided on that tomorrow my husband to go on the market and just give our "delicacy" anyone who sells pigs.For some reason, we were confident that the "for free", we'll take it immediately.
While the essence of the matter ... built on the night box for the time (oh, naive!) Postoyalitsey on the balcony and went to sleep.
morning Zina (for some reason the name came involuntarily) we were pleasantly surprised.Firstly, she has done everything "his business" in the box and, of course, did not sleep in his own closet, and moved to the opposite side of the balcony.Secondly, it has shown remarkable ingenuity and lay down on the floor somehow, and pulled off with the "drying" towel and wrapped herself in it comfortably.
Subsequently, we have repeatedly convinced of the extraordinary "swinish" intelligence.
In the meantime, her husband put her in a bag, put back her beloved pack of cookies and went to the market.
This trip was not as simple as we think.
To start it dropped off the bus at the first stop .delo that cookies Zina dealt with lightning speed and decided that breakfast is not so fast should end immediately heralded this unhappy yelps.These sounds downright jumped "Bulgakov" kontrolёrsha even more shrill and started screaming "to the cats can not be!With ... ugh! ... With pigs can not be! »
argue with her aunt, hung ticket rolls as machine-gun belt, his eyes vysinennymi shadows manufacturing nearest Gypsy camp, and blood-crimson mouth, my husband did not and got off the busand decided to catch a taxi.
only the third or fourth "bomb" was bold enough to bring in monthly pig in a bag.
At the market was waiting for a new nuisance.
absolutely nobody wanted to make money "for free".
turns out pigs veterinarian inspects and issues a passport for each representative of non-ruminant cloven-hoofed animals.And in those days it was strictly with inspections.Who knows - if the animal is not sick ... Price piglet - "Five", and trouble ...
In general, knocked about ...
return my husband already was getting "tourist walk" on foot, forty minutes.
Can you imagine what kind of mood he returned home- angry, hungry, coming up with for the "friends" the most terrible punishment.
Mood Zina was a little better, even more hungry, tired of sitting in the bag ...
Plate nourishing borscht and a hefty slice of watermelon saved me from shouting both.
While Zina joy was eating watermelon, cat and dog sadly watched it on us, on it: clever animals before we realized that it was bad luck for a long time fallen on their heads.
However, they later became friends in some way.Cote found that Zina is very warm, and sleep under her belly very good indeed.A dog found the pig for the Lady of games for which a cat stubbornly disagreed.
Friends -danaytsev bearing gifts, we, of course, simple and marked the event feast, but without the pig for something there.
must say that Zina was unusually cleanly (and maybe all the pigs are, and just life in a stable does not allow them to display this quality).She knew his "toilet" as well as a cat - a tray with sand.It was only in time to change it in sawdust, or screeching to lay the ears was provided.Fortunately, one of the purchasers of Zina lived next to the furniture factory and the expiation of guilt, regularly brought us once a week, a couple of bags of fresh chips.
sleeper, as such, Zina was not .Reshiv sleep, she just dragged all the same towel at all, taken a liking to the place, and went to sleep on it.Then we divided it one more - to replace.In parallel, it is almost decided we issue garbage because it was eaten everything - until the potato peelings and selёdochnyh tails.
On the second or third day we decided to atone for Zina and her life became a new pleasure: hot tubs she loved ... well, a little less than sweet cakes.While there was a small, smartly floating in the tub filled and allowed to pull themselves only when the water is completely cooled.And all our entreaties, that the owners do not want to be dirtier than their pigs, did not act on it .A you tried to pull the pig out of the water?She even "scruff" No ... What hvatat- absolutely incomprehensible.
And most importantly ... it grew dramatically fast!Soon for swimming in the bath is not out of the question, but Zina was just sitting in warm water, occasionally trying to change the attitude (very negratsiozno).
By the time we hit upon the idea as Zina time cast out of the bathroom: you just need to pull the plug out of the drain, the water will leave dissatisfied and pig she gets out of the empty containers.A couple of times we succeed this trick, but what was our surprise when, pulling the plug again, we went to the kitchen to smoke, waiting for five minutes will be offended bather.But after a quarter of an hour, and Zina did not appear, only the bathroom could hear her contented pohryukivanie.
Suspecting something was amiss, we went to investigate.
Satisfied pig sat in the bathroom, slamming his butt firmly into the drain, and we even thought she smiles mischievously, "that took ...?»
We have no choice but to obediently wait for the natural drop in temperature of water.
Another trouble - it clatter of hooves on the floor, which led to the neighbors from below have asked me not to go to the house on heels.Wildly sorry, we rushed to the parents and friends with a request to provide us with old carpets, blankets and mattresses.Soon the whole house was laid out with assorted flooring, and my mom said that looked something like a sports hall of a school, where they lived for a while in the evacuation.
course, Zina was good in the house, but we decided that this is not a pet, and should be the same to him and walk in the street once had.To perform the planned promenade, it was purchased by a strong dog harness and selected watch walks: from 2 to 3 nights twice a week.Our
"the publication" goes something like this: my husband got up to "nix" I Zina on a leash quickly enters the elevator.While we Zina smoothly down from the fifth floor, the unfortunate husband raced down the stairs to insure our exit from the entrance.Then we ran overcame two hundred meters to the park (the benefit that series) and already there and give yourself a break frequency conducted under a half moon in a romantic setting and in the community contented pig.
Our walk had other socially positive way: a few times we ran into a solitary figure who walk unsteadily crossed the park the night, you have to think back to the family and his wife crying.Now imagine that you are walking through the park at night, consciousness is a little double vision, feet not exactly make you the desired traffic, and ... suddenly see a girl on her high heels and ... with a pig on a leash!
reaction was almost always the same: first, staggering figure turned into a stationary statue, and then with a cry of "ah-ah-ah," "Mom!" Or untranslatable national folklore, carried away with the sprint speed in the opposite direction of the original.
I think that "eyeballs" Our counter left a long time and I can advise this method for the treatment of alcoholism as more effective than the "passes" Chumak and "installation" Kashpirovsky.
It took about a year, came the memorable 1991 minutes, with its disintegration of the Union, with a salary of disruptions ... We found ourselves in a strange situation: Kyrgyzstan to Russia even has no common borders, the economy is collapsing.Our engineering and scientific knowledge are not wanted, and trade and "chelnochit" The Lord does not vouchsafed.
At the family council it was decided that if they withdraw from their native place, then, as commanded Abraham: "Go to the land haaneyskie."A year went to the settlement of all cases, obtaining permits ...
All this time we have painfully decided "what to do with Zina?»
apartment remained elder brother of her husband, and the old 16-year-old cat, he left on survival.Dog "traveled" with us, but the pig ...
We were told that with the beginning of the mass migration of "Russian" in Israel, thence employees airport initially ofigevali from "our brother" coming down the stairs with musical instruments and animals is essential attributes"great exodus".Gradually, the Israeli customs began to distinguish basses from the violins and saxophones by flutes ... used to the fluffy Siberian cat, shaggy lap dog, strict sheepdog, hedgehogs, parrots and other members of the Jewish families, but ... stokilogrammovye pig on a harness, descending the stairs of the aircraft ... We realizedthat risk is not to be on the warm Mediterranean Sea, and in the nearest psychiatric hospital.
Salvation came unexpectedly from the aunt of a friend who lived in the village contained a few pigs, and agreed to ensure our Zina several square yards in a barn, with we took from it a terrible oath that Zina will be used only for the offspring and never come underknife.
Looking ahead, I will say that it has fulfilled the oath, Zina lived in her nearly 12 years and died a natural death at the ripe old pig 14 years of age.
're very sad to talk about: separation.
Ordered moskvich- "chignon", remember those?
the morning Zina fed the most delicious that only found in inventories.
must say that Zina had a few days felt wrong not scolded for pogryzenny carpet is not kicked out of the bath, walk every day ... steel.Not all of this to the good!
And when they put a harness at an inopportune time, Zina realized: here it is !!!!
and began to fight with persistence sentenced to death, which, however, was far from the truth: Change cozy carpets and a daily water treatment at the barn ....
Three burly men (all-climbers) have spent more than half an hour to Zina pushed to the elevator and then, at last, our neighbors have learned about what neighborhood they had those two years.But they were good people and imbued problem- the lift pig has driven the whole crowd.And on the street in the "chignon" stuffed already at least ten volunteers.It will be appreciated Zinin humanity: having fangs more than 10 centimeters, it has never used them differently for grinding all sorts of incredible amounts of food.So during this battle ... Zina ran away, knocks on the way of chairs and tables, fell on his back, screaming, hammer down, dumped adult men in the nursery, "a lot of small" (it was a truly epic picture in the spirit of Borges), but one did notI tried to bite.
still remember her desperate grunting in a van as a reminder of the inescapable truth and holy duties which we have not been able to perform in relation to it to the end, "we are responsible for those who tamed!"
Articles Source: prikolisti.mirtesen.ru
