Pearls of the American courts

Excerpts from the book "Disorder in the American Courts" - expressions uttered by the people in the courtroom and in fact word for word written judicial secretaries, and subsequently published.

LAWYER: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I usually just lying.

LAWYER: And now, Doctor, is it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he does not know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: You really managed to pass the exam a lawyer?

LAWYER: Your youngest son, twenty years, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's twenty ... Similarly, the level of your IQ.

LAWYER: Were you present when your picture was sdelalna?

WITNESS: Are you fucking kidding me?

LAWYER: So, the eighth day of conception was the morning of August?

WITNESS: Yes.

LAWYER: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: I'm fucked.

Lawyer: She had three children ... So?

ACCUSED: Yes.

LAWYER: How many of them were boys?

ACCUSED: None.

LAWYER: And how many girls?

DEFENDANT: Your Honor, I think I need another lawyer ... You can not fool me a lawyer?

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LAWYER: The connection was interrupted your marriage?

WITNESS: In connection with the death.

LAWYER: And in connection with whose death it was EXACTLY interrupted?

WITNESS: Guess ...

LAWYER: Could you describe that person?

WITNESS: He was of medium height and he had a beard.

LAWYER: It was a man or a woman?

WITNESS: If the city did not come to the circus, I think it was a man.

LAWYER: Doctor, how many autopsies you had to spend on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them.Live - strongly resisted.

LAWYER: Do you remember the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around eight-thirty in the evening.

LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the beginning of the autopsy?

WITNESS: If not, then at the end of the autopsy, he was definitely dead.

LAWYER: Your qualification allows you to take a urine test?

WITNESS: And your allows you to ask such questions?

And for a snack:

LAWYER: Doctor, before you begin the autopsy, you checked the pulse?

WITNESS: None.

LAWYER: Did you check your blood pressure?

WITNESS: None.

LAWYER: You are convinced that there is no breath?

WITNESS: None.

LAWYER: Then is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: None.

LAWYER: Why are you so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was in a jar on my desk.

LAWYER: I see ... But nevertheless - whether the patient could still be alive?

WITNESS: Yes.It is possible that he was still alive, and even practiced in the field of jurisprudence.


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