Epistle to help development, presented in stages - from birth to 3 years, and phrases that are relevant in the early stages, do not lose their value and subsequent.
These messages we can talk to the child or to imply, as long as he felt that this is indeed so, parents sincerely think so.And it is very, very important to match the words with our deeds, with the non-verbal behavior (tone of voice, facial expression, eyes, body posture), otherwise the child will believe behavior.So, if we say the child - to fight bad and ourselves can hit it, it concludes that you can beat people, because the greatest authority, the parent, to do so.
is therefore important that these messages were coming from your heart.Here they are:
1. I am pleased (a) that you live.
If a child is constantly criticized, criticized, the child often feels that his existence is not welcome.Consciously he did, of course, does not understand, it happens unconsciously, and in the future can be reflected in the destructive installation
2. You belong to this world.
you, I - we - part of this world and everything in it is interconnected.We can trust in this world, to rely on him.The world loves you and cares about you.
3. Your needs are important to me.
And if they are important, I satisfy them, that is, not only do I try to make the baby was fed and healthy, but also give him the kind attention, affection and praise, play with them, organize joint activities, etc. (depending on the needs, age appropriate).
4. I'm glad (a), that you - it's you.
boy 3 years puzzled psychologist the question: "Mom, if I do you'll beat you I still will love?" Not without surprise, she replied, "Of course, I will love you, but I will be painful and unpleasant ifyou will beat me. "Satisfied and happy, he ran away to play ... How important to your child (and in fact - anyone) know that you are taking it, love him and will love him any: whimsical, fighting, afraid to cry.And you're glad he's exactly the way it is and do not try to change it.
5. You can grow at your own pace.
«But Kohl himself has already begun to sit, and Helen is better to hold the crown."Obviously parental concern, but here it is important to accept that everyone has their own rate of development, and not to compare the child with other children.It is best to compare its own achievements, enjoying every little child's success.After yesterday he could not reach out to rattle itself, and today received.
6. You can feel all your senses.
any sense, the problems of the child, is the fact its base.Their inhibition leads only to that part of the energy that could have been directed to the development of the organism, is sent out in order not to give a sense to escape to the surface.And negative emotions are not expressed directly accumulate until later in life do not translate into problems.Children resentment remain for life ... If the parents take the child, but he happy and in a good mood, then the child will be very difficult to accept their negative emotions.But just being accepted, they go away.Missed possible to consider phrases like "men do not cry", "angry is not good", "stop to take offense."The child feels that his feelings are accepted, if parents simply call those feelings which he experiences, to help them realize that "you now feel sad and you cry", "you are very angry," "you are offended that I did not buy you a bunny".How to better reflect the child's feelings, understand it and deal with it, is well described in the book YB Gippenreiter "Communicate with your child.How? »
7. I love you and care about you willingly.
return the child can make a conclusion, if the mother is always tired, talks about how she does not want to cook, she was tired of it all, "and then there was this naughty child."
8. You can explore and experiment, and I will support and defend you.
child just starting to learn about the world and how much support his curiosity, trying to learn something from experience, depends on how relevant the quality will be formed in the future.And we, as caring parents, giving him enough space, shall protect them from the dangers that may threaten his life and well-being.Thus, many mothers believe that it is better one time to give the child in front of you to try to touch the fire than to prohibit and to explain that it is not a toy.
9. You can use all your senses to explore the world.
world is so interesting, and a little kid to see, he needs to smell, lick, taste.The more senses involved, the better the baby remembers something, and the more uniform development of all body functions.On the fingers and toes a lot of points, the activation of which contributes to the development of the brain, improves the functioning of the body.
10. You can do anything as long as you need.
young child to learn a new activity, there should be much longer than we have the patience for that.And if we really want the kid to learn, and it stuck in the feeling of victory, it is in our interest to give him as much time as necessary.
11. You may be interested in everything.
Any question asked by a child, is entitled to be given.And preferably not dismiss or give ready-made answers.To activate thinking kid, you can ask first - what do you think?Whatever you do not seem the question - silly, strange, once a child defines it - he has a good reason.And you can specify exactly what he has in mind, ask why.And even if you do not know the answer, tell me that you do not know, but you can for him to learn, and be sure to answer later.Our negative response to the question of silence allows the child to draw the conclusion that this is a topic obscene, and it is something that can not be discussed with parents.
12. I love the way you take the initiative to grow and learn.
What mom and dad like this, the child can be seen from our welcoming people, benevolent mood, encouraging this same initiative.One friend of mine, when she tried to help my mother as a child with her grandmother in the kitchen, saying, "Do not you even a little, that grow, while at the ready."And a natural interest in it was gone.In adulthood, it is easier to buy in the store than to cook something myself.And her family are surprised: "Well, why did not the girl grew mistress?»
13. I love you, and when you are active, and when you are calm.
How often tired at work, we can say will compete for the child, "Do not make a noise," "slow," "you're so loud," "calm down."But to be frank, we are trying to fine-tune it for themselves, to make sure that we were comfortable.And then in their teens are thinking, "Why is my child so passive?".Therefore it is very important not to suppress the baby's energy, better send it in a constructive direction - offered to build a garage of blocks, dolls cook dinner or help you is what the child already can handle.
14. I'm glad (a), you start to think himself.
The school must write essays, because for a good estimate it was necessary to write not your thoughts, and then, as it is thought by critics at the university, again, the exams checked memory - how much do you remember what came up with the others.Where is the creativity?Therefore, if we want to grow creatively and independently thinking person, it is important to ask the opinion of our child, to talk with him on his interesting questions to stimulate the development of his imagination.
15. You can get angry, but I will not let you hurt yourself or others.
Kid still can not control their feelings and when he is angry, the first impulse - to strike the offender, hit back.And, while not denying their right to get angry, we can tell him more acceptable way of expressing anger.In one family, a child surprised grandmother saying: "I'm very angry with you, so do not come near me.I'll calm down in the kitchen and then I will come. "You can make a home pillow-spitfire that kid can beat when mad at someone, or an inflatable hammer, which can knock out the anger.
16. You can say 'no' and check the boundaries as much as you need.
know adults who find it difficult to refuse someone, and they agree to provide a service to provide assistance, although not want this?As a result, experience anger, guilt, but can do nothing.For them to say "no" is difficult, because they are afraid to lose in case of failure location and love the other.That is why it is very important to give the child the opportunity to say 'no' and to recognize its right not to want to do something, "I understand that you do not want to go for a walk right now, but I need to buy food.How do we proceed? »
17. You can learn to think for themselves, and I will think for themselves.
«Eat porridge dress warmer" - persuades the mother tone that brooked no objection.And then, in adulthood people overeat or malnourished because they do not know how to hear, recognize the body's own signals.After all, before my mother decided for him, if he is hungry, and his eating.Often, my mother is on the court, she was cold to stand, and the child rushes headlong - and it's hot."It's hot" - signals the body "cold" - says mother.People listen to him?And grow up, these children are already asking their husband-wife: "What do I wear today?»
18. Can you think and feel at the same time.
happens that even the adult is in confusion, a lot of thoughts in my head, and it is unclear what to do, how to behave.What can we say about the kid.In such a situation can help to appeal to the senses, we can ask ourselves, "What is happening to me?What do I feel now? "And then comes the decision itself.
19. You can know what you need, and you can ask for help.
Sometimes we really had no idea that the baby needs, so it is important to tell him that he can ask us about what he wants.
20. You can separate from me, and I will continue to love you.
3 years - the age when the child seeks independence, and we hear "I myself" almost every time is something we want to do for him.In an effort to try their hand and make your own - is precisely the separation from the mother, which is so necessary for the harmonious development of the child.And our task - to make him feel that you respect is their right to independence and believe that he will succeed.
These messages can be effective as well, if you put them in the basis of fairy tales, composed for a child.Driving the creation of fairy tales might be: describes a situation in which turned out to be the protagonist (something which is important for your child), and then about how he came out of it.Supporting the message may be a message that conveys the protagonist assistant (wizard, another character) or the output, which makes a hero in the end.This support will help the child to overcome the obstacles he encounters on his way, and these messages will give strength to cope with any difficulties.They can become that solid foundation, a foundation on which to build a house for further life of a child.Let's support this, her eyes radiate, send touch, give her whole heart, she needs your kid ...
Articles Source: psylive.ru