Smile!

Court.Judge:

- Why did you beat your neighbor?

defendant:

- Well, you know, he was on the 12th floor of chicken breeds, behind my wall ...

- But that's no reason to beat the man!

- Yes, but I do 3 months treated by a psychiatrist, assuming that the crowing of the wall - a figment of my sick imagination!

***

At the exam the teacher asks a question: "Who were the Amazons?ยป

student wrinkled and looks for clues ago.Fellow students together his tongue.

- lesbian - says a student.

- Unsatisfactory!- Says a teacher - a heathen!

***

Uzbek took a wife Ryazan portly woman and said to her:

- When I go, and skullcap on my head, I'm good, Ask me whatever you want.If you go, and skull-cap over his eyes, so I'm evil, and to me it is better not come near!I got it?

- understand.Now, you listen!If you go, as I stand, and my hands on hips - I have not care how you skullcap worn!

***

- Who is smarter, a cat or a dog?

- Cat, of course!Have you ever seen a ten cats dragged in harness with the Chukchi

tundra?

***

- Who was your first man?

- While one.

- Are you a virgin?

- gynecologist I.

***

Attention man to God:

- Lord, why all girls are gentle, sweet, affectionate, and all women - these bitches ?!

Lord answers:

- So girls, I also created, and their women do you ...

***

The man was in a meeting of graduates.My wife is interested in:

- How Volodya something?

- Yes, this p..daras government sits!

- How Petka something?

- Yes, this p..daras businessman!

- A Kolenka-how?

- And this p..daras banker, bitch!

wife, sighing:

- Oh, when will you have me p..darasom become something ?!

***

One mother brought her 18-year-old daughter to the doctor complaining that her daughter was constantly sick.The doctor examined her and said that she was pregnant.

- What do you mean, doctor, my daughter is a good girl, she had never been with a man!However, my daughter ?!

- not even kissed never!- Says the daughter.

doctor, without saying a word, goes to the window and begins to stare into the distance.It takes 5 minutes.

- Doctor, what's wrong?- Asks the mother.

- No, no.Just in such cases in the east rises a bright star, and the three wise men come down from the hill.Here I stand, waiting ...

***

We went to Sarah and Abram to sleep.Abraham does not sleep, sigh, tossing and turning.Sarah:

- What are you doing awake?

- Yes, I have a hundred rubles, Moshe, was thinking how I would give.Sarah gets up, opens the window and yells: "Moshe, Moshe!"The window opposite, and Moshe asks: "What do you want, Sarah?"

- Abram owe you a hundred rubles?

- Yes.

- Well, he will not give them to you!

Closes the window and says:

- Sleep, Abram, now let Moshe sleeps.

***

Girls, help!In the evening invited to a banquet ... Someone tell me ... stew from a can put on etiquette eat with a spoon or fork?

***

Men, of course, easier.He is known to have to do three things: plant a tree, build a house and have a son.And it does not matter who then raised his son to be watered the tree and clean up the house.

***

In first grade teacher gives the task: to name and describe the most valuable thing that is known disciples.Petya stood up and told her about the father's car, Helen - about my mother's diamond necklace.Little Johnny gets up and says:

- Menstruation!

teacher already choked:

- Little Johnny!What are you talking about ?!Do you even know what that is?

Little Johnny replies:

- What is it, I do not know, but I'm sure it is - something very valuable, because when the morning my older sister announced that she she was gone, my mother fainted, dadsufficed heart attack, and the neighbor shot!

***

- Hello, Doctor?

- Yeah, I hear you.

- Doctor, I bought on the advice of your enema, and what to do with it?

- Shove it up your ass!

- right doctor, you probably have a bad mood now, I'll call you back later.

***

Native-son asks her mother:

- Mom, why my younger sister named Rising Sun?

- Because it was conceived during sunrise.

- Why high - cornflower blue?

- She was conceived in the blue cornflower.

- And why ....

- Enough questions Torn gum!

***

The camp boy examines bag.Counselor, noting in his bag umbrella, asks:

- Why do you need an umbrella in the camp?

- Tell me, have you ever had a mother?