How to become a friend to your child?

Quite often we hear something like, "My son did not listen to me;all I said to him, as the wall peas "or" daughter never considered my opinion lives his secrets to which I devote not willing ", and much more.Most of these problems easier to prevent in their time than try to solve them now.

First of all, you need to learn the basic model of the child's personality, to understand by what mechanisms the child has formed certain personality traits.

In contemporary academic psychology, decided to allocate two dominant factors of personal development: biology (what the child has inherited from the parents of the means of genes) and social (influence of the nearest environment, the media, educators in kindergarten, school teachers, and many others).Many are talking about the controversy that has a greater impact: genes or society - and there is still no consensus.

We will not go into the scientific debate, take into service only the following: the genetic heritage is the basis on which the Company "draws" his characterological pattern.It is important to understand that a child can inherit the temperament of the parents, any ability, physique, overall activity, and so on. D. The problem is that some parents want to see their children in the outstanding athletes, artists and mathematicians, while themselves in this areaWe could not achieve anything.

Many parents unwittingly, and not knowing the children are brought up traits from which then want to get rid of.Some parents do not understand, like their child has developed such a nature where there were shortcomings and problems in the relationship.But it is extremely important to take the idea that every character trait, whether positive or negative, definitely formed and is based on the real reason.

most important thing - to understand that, for some it is the mechanisms of forming certain character traits.

Take, for example, such a case: a child all the time hiding from their parents, some details of his life, does not share their feelings, and if there is a problem, do not rush to ask for help for the elderly.This is the most common problem in families facing every third parent.

«Why is this happening, how can I be a friend to your child?" - The question asked by mothers and fathers.In general, the question itself - it is half the solution to the problem, because it indicates that parents are trying to find the cause of an event in itself.Ideally, you need to ask the question a little differently: "What are my actions led to the fact that the child began to keep away from me?How do I win his friendliness? »

Maybe now some and begin to criticize, saying that to themselves in childhood no one is nyankalsya and from increased normal people.We agree with this statement, but only partly.The main problem is that the time is not that too much information, and the impact on children is going very, very strong, with most of them negative.


now turn to the problem, to how to curry favor with their child.For this offer to reflect on who we ourselves easier to open: the one in whom we are sure that we understand correctly, or the one from whom we expect condemnation?The answer, I think, is obvious.It turns out that the children hide from your parents what is happening to them is not because they want to be frustrated, but for the reason that they are afraid of judgment or incomprehension.

The fact that the child is committing a misdemeanor (it might even be bad grades in school) and told about it, hopes for understanding, because he always has his vision of what is happening.However, quite often it happens is that instead of understanding it receives only one reprimand, and he remains the feeling that he did not understand, did not take into account his vision of what is happening.

We must always bear in mind that many of the children because of their age and lack of experience may simply overlook the importance of what is happening, and they can be guided by different motives.Finally, after going through a few of these procedures, the children come to the conclusion that sometimes it's better to hide from parents anything, do not tell the truth.

further develops this idea in their minds, takes the form of habit and becomes a character trait.On this score there is a saying: "Sow an act - reap a habit, sow a habit - reap character, sow character - reap destiny."What else to add?

Of course, no one calls a blind eye to what your child is doing, and encourage any of his tricks;No, of course, need to be punished, but this should be done correctly.

First of all, punishing the child for his offense, be sure to assess the most action, but not the person.For example, instead of saying, "You are bad, rude, you should be punished" - we should say something else: "This act is very ugly, so it is impossible to do, for this you will be punished."Optionally, of course, in the same form, but the overall mechanism clear.

In addition, many child psychologists recommend giving the child the opportunity to save his face.Usually this technique is used, "I still respect you."

Its essence lies in the fact that if a child has confessed his offense to you, it should criticize, but be sure to add something like, "But you're done, just admit it, I respect in you."This easy-to-use appointment reinforces in the mind of a child sustained the idea that confession is always better than to hide.

Generally, if you hear about a child faults, do not rush to punish him immediately.Talk to him, give him an opportunity to express their point of view.This not only gives you the opportunity to understand your child's way of thinking, but also the available time to adjust his mind erroneous installation.Of course, all it will take your valuable time, and a lot easier just to spank a child offender than to tinker and to explain, but now is the time saving, you seriously risk the possibility that in the future he will spend many times more, and not the fact that the benefit.

distrust of parents

know that unites all children with difficult character?All of them believe that their parents show understanding for their problems.They are pre-configured to the fact that it is better not to trust them, and look for help on the side.As a result, these children often fall under the negative influence of others, turn to where the good they do not advise.

Promotion of real achievements

I would especially like to say about the promotion of real (not imaginary) child's achievements.You should always remember that the child, whose act was positively selected, will seek to play it in the future to regain the approval of the senior.The child must know that there is good and what is bad, what praise, and for that fight.Remember children's poem "What is good and what is bad" is a vivid example of bilateral education.

I would like to draw attention to the fact that if a very early age to teach a child that his overt and covert actions influence his destiny, that they are to some extent determined by what will be his choice between good and evil in the future,it will be a more responsible attitude to do good in the present.

In conclusion, the article the words of the famous Italian educator Maria Montessori, well revealing the essence of the educational process:

- If the child is constantly criticized, he learns to hate.

- If a child lives in hostility, he learns aggressiveness.

- If you make fun of a child, he becomes withdrawn and timid.

- If a child is often a disgrace - he learns to feel guilty.

- If a child grows in tolerance, he learns to accept others.

- If a child is often lenient - he learns to be patient.

- If cheer child, he learns to believe in himself.

- If the child praise, he learns to be thankful for.

- If a child grows in fairness, he learns to be fair.

- If a child lives with a sense of security - he learns to trust.

- If child support, he learns to appreciate yourself.

- If the child lives in the understanding and friendship, he learns to find love in this world.

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