Each person builds his life.Every day we make many decisions and take responsibility for the consequences of those decisions.Whether we realize it or not, but all that we have now - is the result of how we think and what they were doing before.Often people tend to avoid liability in view of the fact that "it's more convenient."
One of the characteristic features of a person striving for personal growth - is the ability to take responsibility.Indeed, what kind of growth we can tell if the individual is constantly trying to shift the burden of responsibility for their own failures on others or on any external circumstances?Of course, much easier to blame someone in their adversities than look for reasons within himself.In their attempts to find the "extreme" the individual can be very inventive.Let's look at two basic strategies of avoidance of responsibility.
1. Actions able irresistible desire / passion / compulsive disorder In psychiatry, such actions are referred to as compulsive behavior.It is characterized by the fact that the individual aware of the devastating consequences, however, can not refuse to perform certain actions.
compulsive behavior is manifested in different ways.For some, it is addicted to alcohol and / or drugs.For others it is a constant overeating or dependence on the games.The range can be as wide as possible, but the essence is the same - a person falls into the trap of his compulsiveness and breaks his life.Compulsive behavior can take sometimes quite bizarre forms.
Take the case of Alexander, which is absolutely not able to store fidelity.Getting acquainted with a pretty young girl, he feels obliged to put her to bed.As a rule, after a single quick sex, he completely loses it some interest and once again goes in search of a suitable facility.Alexander himself explains his compulsive behavior.He is attracted to pretty young women.
But why do they need it?His attitude to the fair sex only as cynical not name.He was not looking for a relationship, is not looking for emotional contact with the woman.He needed only to their bodies.The problem is very deep Alexander character.Raised callous and emotionless mother since childhood, he learned that from the women should not wait for the heat.After graduation, he married Olga - a very beautiful girl and very cold.Unconsciously, Alexander chose as his wife a prototype of his mother.The victory over the proud and impregnable Olga did Alexander happy.Although outwardly their family was quite prosperous, Alexander felt terribly lonely.
passed like ten years of their marriage.They had a baby.For thirty-five years, Alexander was faced with very serious life crisis.He was not accustomed to give in to difficulties.In business, he had an iron grip.But inside he had the feeling that his movement up the road of life has stopped ...
It's as if you climbed to the top of a high mountain, and would achieve it.The feeling of happiness and euphoria gives way to fear - and that's it?What next?Move down?Aging?Death?This poorly perceivable fear of death, driven deep into the subconscious and become a catalyst for compulsive behavior Alexander.
After all, sex - is the antithesis of death.Through sexual activity Alexander tried unsuccessfully to suppress disturbing finiteness of its existence.And here it is the biggest problem lies in the fact that Alexander is well aware of his craving for sex, but it is not ready to recognize the root causes of this draft.His rational explanation for his behavior - Cold Olga.However, Olga in the theater life of Alexander just played the role of a woman who was supposed to resolve the long-standing conflict with his mother.That did not happen, and Alexander continued to blame Olga.
2. Position the victim. Very often, the individual is not willing to take responsibility for their lives, taking on the role of an innocent victim.This behavior is more characteristic for women, although men can also use it.24-year-old Vick married two years.She's madly in love with her husband Oleg.However, once courteous and impeccable manners Oleg after only a year of marriage began to be applied to the bottle and beat Vick.The case is unfortunately typical, but it is complicated by the fact that the family came first born.
One is not the most beautiful day for Vicki, she came to me in tears - Oleg beat her again.She did not know what to do.She felt that life was over.I asked her if she could name at least one solution to her problem?Vick was struck by the question.What could be the solution here?She is married, her baby in her arms, to whom she is now needed?But I stubbornly insisted on her and asked her to think about.Here Wick beginning to recover.It turned out that she has not even a single solution.
Firstly, it can come back to live with her mother.Yes, there is not enough space, and the mom character is not sugar, but still ...
Secondly, it can pass Oleg law enforcement and divorce him.
Third, it can cooperate with a friend, which also have a small child and who do not mind to look at the same time for two children, and to get a job in their field.In this case, it could even afford to pay for the rented apartment.As it turned out in the end, Vika situation is not hopeless.And in that moment, when Wick itself is realized her emotional state improved significantly.
She realized that she really have a choice - either to be a victim of violence of his despotic husband, or try to change their lives for the better.Only her decide which path to choose for themselves.An individual can find his special pleasure, being in the position of the victim.Indeed, in this case, the environment shows him genuine concern and sympathy.On his feelings are considered, and it gets to this individual the best reward.But here you need to clearly understand that to be or not to be a victim - it is quite a conscious decision.
decision to shift the responsibility for his broken fate of another person or external circumstances.Any our desire is inevitably faced with responsibility.You can go to your job unloved, unwanted live with you for a man to tolerate consumer attitude on the part of relatives, etc.At the same time, one idea that, for example, you hated to leave a job and find the deal of your dreams, you can throw in anxiety and fear.
It's your choice.Failure to take any action - it is also a solution.Your decision to stay with this problem alone.If an individual experiences severe anxiety in front of the responsibility for self-construction of his life, he would diligently to suppress their desires and feelings, thus avoiding to do this or that choice, or try to shift this choice on others.However, as long as the individual does not stop his "escape from responsibility," his personal dissatisfaction with his life will continue.
Author: Ekaterina Ilchenko
Articles Source: shkolazhizni.ru
