Psychologists are not surprised that many women are thinking about a second pregnancy or unexpectedly found in the test two strips, experiencing no fewer doubts and fears than the first.It would seem that the existing experience should deliver us from stress, is not it?
But again we are suffering from phobias - to replace fear of spoiling the shape and lose my husband come nightmare of hatred between the children and the kitchen eternal slavery.
"Suddenly I fail to share the love between children"
Experts believe that fear is typical for the second pregnancy.So far, the family has had a second child, a woman can not be sure that the love of children is not divided, and added.Mothers of three or more children recognized that after the birth of her second no longer felt that fear and do not worry about how not to deprive the two (three, four) with the emergence of senior baby.
Sometimes, of course, it happens the other way - the mother clearly favors one of the children, and one sees the solid virtues, and another - only disadvantages.Deviations are different: the adoration of her son and daughter almost hatred, permissiveness for the younger and the older undue rigidity, affection towards the child from her husband and coldness towards the child from the "traitor" -Former.
any "imbalances" means that it is time to see a specialist - it's not wrong, "the separation of love", it is transferred to one of his children complexes.A woman may unknowingly lay the blame for the baby to her husband's infidelity and divorce, for their own failures on the real or imaginary loss of its former appeal and so on.Independently solve such a serious problem is unlikely, but an experienced psychologist or therapist will help separate the feelings of the children from the senses to their fathers and other "layers".
"Suddenly, the senior will be jealous and cause harm to the child"
Some moms in vivid colors imagine what the consequences may be severe jealousy an older child, and sometimes seemed to deliberately do anything to create this jealousy from scratch.After hearing horror stories about babies who are brothers and sisters have caused irreparable harm to the women remove themselves from the older children.If you send an older child to his grandmother, step back from the usual joint activities, give it to a kindergarten and so on, it is unlikely you will be able to convince him that your love does not diminish with the birth of the baby.Separation and limitation of communication with her mother, which until recently belonged to him completely, weightier than the most beautiful words about how family life will be even better than it was.
not let irrational fear to command you.Encourage your older child to "communicate" with a brother or sister is still in the period of pregnancy.When a baby is born, try to give the senior as much attention, often praise him and pat, find the time a little alone with him, do not give up trying to help in the care of - something to submit, to bring, just be close, highlights the advantages of older- how many do not know how and how well the baby to walk, to express wishes, to take right off the shelves and so on.
leave children alone in the first weeks after discharge from the hospital or an older child trying to impose any obligation with respect to the younger it is not necessary.Give senior time to get used to the new family member to realize that he is still loved, needed mom and dad, make sure he took his brother or sister does not want to cause him (her) damage.
"Suddenly I could not do it with two"
typical fear pogodok mothers or children with small difference in age, as memories of the difficulties infancy still quite fresh.However, the fear is irrational.You will manage.If a woman could not cope with the care of two children, nature has endowed her ability to become pregnant again after only a few months after birth.
Even if the first child is demanded from you a lot of time and effort and at times you were ready to jump out the window (or to throw the baby) - that does not mean that the second situation again.On the contrary, now you have the experience that will help to avoid some of the problems easier to solve another part - and less violently the rest of the experience.A household chores and other responsibilities, you quickly divide into major, minor and generally unimportant - it happens consciously or intuitively, but it certainly will happen.After the second child the woman quickly produced a new rhythm of life and interaction with children, and domestic issues are resolved one way or another in between times.If you have a husband, and the husband still has no responsibilities at home - it's time to do it.If your financial situation allows for au pair, and (or) a nanny - it's time to do this and that.
Elena Chirkov
Articles Source: missus.ru
