Any adult knows that it is impossible to truly enjoy the success, if you do not know how to work with their defeats.But one thing - it is reasonable to believe that everything that does not kill us makes us stronger.And quite another - quietly relate to failures suffered by your own child.
Which parent will be able to remain calm when the son gets an F on the exam, which is fair to cook?Or reasonably treat the tears of her daughter, who does not find a place of unrequited love?
Yes, we understand that all this nonsense, and in the future will only help children avoid a much more serious disappointments.But how many of us at the same time be able to avoid the temptation to hug the baby warmly and assure that it is not he but someone else is to blame for all his troubles and sorrows?
So, on the one hand, we want the child to learn constructively treat their failures, to analyze the reasons that led to the defeat and would try next time not to repeat the same mistakes.
the other - we are ready for any tricks, just to relieve children from disappointments.But such an approach could bring more harm than good.Do not shift the blame to others
Modern parents are trying to create a child's sense of confidence and capabilities.And for the sake of this, many are trying to shift the blame for the mistakes of the children to someone else.After losing a child's soccer game console that judges were unfair, although it makes more sense to say: "I think you have been scattered and because of this game is not very good."
It is not the task of the parents to protect the child from any trouble, and to teach him how to cope with a difficult situation.
The sooner you start to work on a constructive relationship of children to failure, the better the chances that you will succeed.Drinking world
Psychologists now increasingly talk about the two main types of relationship to the world.The first type is called "fixed", while a person perceives himself and his abilities as something unchangeable.People with this outlook are more likely to face the need to repeatedly prove themselves and others that they are worthy of all respect.
People with the "mobile" world view, on the contrary, believe that they and their features may change and evolve depending on the situation and lessons learned.They more easily adapt to new living conditions.
views of the child depends on the parents, and it means that we can influence the way he would treat their victories and defeats.Faced with the failure of the child to the "fixed" outlook may break, and can justify himself in all possible ways.
These children are either very experienced because of the defeat, or completely ignore it, pretending that nothing had happened.Children with "moving" at a glance, on the other hand, will try to overcome the difficulties, the next time to show the best results.
Of course, they are also frustrated when faced with failure or defeat, but after a certain time can properly assess what really happened, and what should be done to change the situation.
to help the child to form a "movable" view of the world and to teach him to learn from defeats, and then turn them into real victories, listen to the advice of psychologists.Tips psychologists
Praise for what is praiseworthy.Regardless of how the assessment comes home school student, focus is not on the mark, and that the child has learned, on what he was interested in, and where this knowledge can be useful.Children whose parents are praised not for five, and for the ability to think and to offer non-standard solutions, are not afraid of difficult tasks.
On the contrary, the more complex the task, the more interesting it perform.What if my child has done a great job and still got a deuce?Be sure to praise him for the effort, for the efforts he has made.But do not try to shift the blame on unfair teacher.
It should say something like: "I know you really tried, you're done!But it looks like you do not quite understand this topic.Let's think about how to sort out here. "
Teachers in school often requires children to good ratings, but if the child took the difficult and interesting problem, which was not in force, it is still worthy of respect.It may well be that he is worthy of it, even more than those who are restricted to the standard approaches and received a well-deserved four and five.
Do you believe that the ability to not be afraid of difficulties, and think outside the box more important than good marks for control of algebra?If so, let your child know it.
Talk with your child about what is success and failure.How to explain to a child that a victory in the competition or a good estimate - are not the only measure of success?Try to convey to the child that the process of preparation is worthy of respect, not only the result.Ironically, the smaller the child is worried because of the results, the better they are.
Only in this case, the student can concentrate on what he is doing at the moment, and to fully demonstrate their knowledge.Say this: "For me, the real success - this is when you really try and do something from the heart and be happy."You certainly are situations where you were able to overcome the difficulties with the benefit of themselves.Tell them children.
not embellish the facts.All people ever lose - this rule is no exception.Someone does not take into ballet school, someone flies out of the competition after the first match, someone goes to school.That's life!But you should definitely talk about what happened.Not assures the child that everything is fine.
But do not pretend as if nothing happened.Silence creates the child in the belief that there was something so horrible that it can not even talk.The most constructive approach would be this: "Well, we do not pass the exam.As we prepare for the next time? ยป
Give up your own ambitions.Sometimes what seems to defeat the child's parents, in fact, only hurt their own feelings.
Do not confuse your own childhood desires with what your children want.If you are upset because of the failure of more than a child himself, it turns out that this is your problem and solve it is necessary for you.Continue to remind yourself that it is your child's life, not yours.First and foremost, it is important desires and aspirations.
Be calm, and calm the baby, too.Children often arrange a tantrum because of the failures and defeats, because they can not clothe his emotions into words, and the tears and screams are the only way to express feelings.For the four-five-year olds it is quite normal, but the 10-year-old may have to control myself.
What if the baby is crying loudly, and look around you regret?Firstly, in the direction away; child.Speak quietly, pity and sympathize with him.Say, "I know that you hurt."Hug, pat on the head.Your first task - to calm the baby, and then you can talk to him about what happened.
Most often, children or long enough to cry and worry, or withdrawal, trying to look older.And here it is best to play along with the child.Ask him what he wanted to do, what he wants to talk about.Do not react too violently, let them know that nothing terrible has happened.
And finally, the most important advice.Every day, let us understand the children that you love them - regardless of their grade or sporting achievements.You love them, simply because they are there, not because they are doing something good.
If the child understands that parents will not love him less if he gets an F, evaluations will never be a tragedy for him.
Articles Source: women.itop.net
