you outwardly successful, but deep down do not believe in their achievements.You think that you are about to be found out, and everyone will understand what you are actually worthless person.The slightest misstep plunges you into a panic and despair.You are constantly afraid that you will turn away from friends, leave a loved one, you will be fired from work ...
Perhaps you have brought these systems from the parent family life which was not too happy.Psychologists call it the syndrome of adult children from dysfunctional families.How not to give the complex obtained in childhood, break your adult life?
We meet in life a lot of people who teach us something - who is good and who is bad.The first and most important model to follow is the house where we grew up, our family.It was developed in a child relationship model, we then carry over into our marriage, relations with friends, even in the working collective.And most importantly - often we treat ourselves the way we were treated our family.What can we do for those who have this relationship was not positive?
If the parents' house was attended by violence, someone abused alcohol, or family members simply do not pay attention to the feelings of the child (dressed, shod and fed - and the rest is not important), negative experiences often continues to influence him into adulthood.Such people may be outwardly successful, separated from their parents and stand firmly on their feet.Unpleasant memories they hide deep, convincing themselves that everything is already long gone and forgotten.But the complexes obtained in childhood continue to tear them from the inside.
most common problem of children from such families - low self-esteem , even with fairly good as it may seem from the outside, achievements in life.Those who do not praise a child, it is very difficult to appreciate themselves.Perhaps as a child of their parents thought the criticism and "overstating the bar" a good stimulus for new achievements and new baby.But the result is increasingly becoming that man can say to himself: "I - well done."
No success is not sufficient for him, he always sees new, unconquered peaks, but it is not inspired, but rather upsets him.All the effort was not enough again, he is still not good enough.Getting used to win new victories love of parents, people with low self-esteem are looking for recognition in the eyes of others - just so they can feel that something is worth.The slightest criticism of the throws them into despair, or is perceived as a humiliation and insult, forcing to do in response to aggressive attacks.
inability to ask for help - another sign of the syndrome of adult children from dysfunctional families.In families where the adults can not cope with their role as guardians and defenders of the role of the senior often takes on a child, though it too much for him.Growing up, such people are well mobilized in stressful situations, but can be lost, and experience anxiety in a more relaxed atmosphere (they're just not used to, it's all good).Moreover, in difficult times, they are not able to ask for help - once in the life of the father's house to teach them that you can rely only on themselves.
People who have had a difficult childhood, is not easy to build a relationship .They often choose to advance inaccessible or unsuitable partners: people of different orientation, married or married, unreliable people with problems such as alcoholism or drug addiction.It happens so that they are the first to break off promising communication: proximity frightens them, because in the past people close permanently hurt them.Overture, they put in a partner to a standstill mood swings and irrational behavior: some are ready to forgive and let all the hassle chicanery.
desire to keep everything under control the "native" from a dysfunctional family, too, may exceed reasonable limits.At work, he can not delegate his colleagues or subordinates to task, as fears that it will be done imperfectly (familiar to many principle: "If you want to do well - do it yourself").In marriage, he or she is trying to take care of a partner, even if he does not ask, which often leads to conflict.Most likely, such a man just was not childhood: perhaps he had become an adult very early, taking care of a sick relative or inadequate.Out of habit, he still takes on too much.
People with this syndrome often afraid of becoming poor parents .Once adults cheated their trust, they failed to protect, and now they are afraid to repeat their mistakes, and force their children to go through all the same.
What to do if you find yourself at the signs of the syndrome of adult children from dysfunctional families?
First of all, get rid of the guilt.You do not really to blame - you have had a difficult childhood, and you coped as best they could.If you were able to survive until today, more or less socially adapted person you anyway well done.Just behaviors developed by you in the difficult period may not be suitable for normal adult life.Work on their change - your next step.
You may need the support of like-minded people.Look at your surroundings people who lived through similar problems - in fact a lot of them.Read interviews and biographies of successful people whose childhood was not straightforward.Find a forum where people communicate with similar problems, there you will certainly understand.You may find people whose stories will be an inspiration to you.Experts advise not to be afraid to talk about their problems: to talk, to acknowledge that your childhood was not all good - the first step towards a big change.
If you feel that you find it difficult to cope on their own, contact a therapist.It is especially recommended for those who can not cope with the emotions, melancholy, it becomes irritable because of the painful memories.You can select individual work with a therapist or group meetings.Group work is good because you will hear stories of other people and be able to open up when you're ready.You will receive a positive feedback and support.But be ready for criticism: it will allow you to look at your own life from the outside and may realize some mistakes in the current behavior.
Individual therapy involves a deeper and more personal work.Do not wait for the finished boards, the therapist's task - to teach you how to find solutions on their own and "create" your own life as you want to see it is you.It is necessary to prepare and to ensure that the first time you will not be easy: the sad memories from which you are trying to get rid of, at the time of return.But psychotherapy would allow "recycle" lessons learned as a child from the devastating turning it into a creative.You will learn new behaviors and can be much more happy, relaxed and confident person.
Articles Source: psylive.ru
