Someday the time comes.When you clearly see: a good girl to be safe ... And yet - disgusting and sickening.So good, that friendly, charming, and everything in the world happy and good, grateful, optimistic, which is an example and a model, and are always ready to help.A caring mother, whose children are in the foreground.Every wise woman who knows how to please her husband.
We know how to be good: we have been taught.But sooner or later there comes a time when wearing the image becomes so expensive and hard that I want to howl.
What good with what I care about others, I adapts, smoothing the corners?What good is a fact that I kept on the lookout, I can not even relax with yourself?
Even with yourself you have to be good - to cast out evil thoughts to occupy themselves necessary, useful things?What's the point if I, putting all of myself, get back crumbs?What's the point if my resentment - because I have to constantly force yourself - growing and multiplying?And what's the point if I was expecting at least someone will take care of me, almost never get the desired?
This is the law of life.If I deny myself to their needs, I will wait for that someone else take care of them.If I do not allow myself to complain, or say "no" to the fact that I do not like what I do not agree, I'll wait for a reward for violence against them.I'll wait for that and others will do the same.And I will be angry and indignant - if others do not want to do that.How dare he be bad, when I spend so much energy on something to be good!
be a good girl is very difficult!
is difficult to constantly pretend to be someone else, especially when there is no more to this effort.It's hard to be nice when you want to cry.It's hard and scary to refuse to help - even if you do not want to help at all.And - oh, my God!- It does not always cause sympathy for someone's feelings.But ashamed to admit it, because to sympathize - it is also correct.
Good girls are also very responsible.They readily responsible for other people's feelings, and feel guilty in response to the allegations.
«I have never heard from their parents words of love.I have never heard that they were proud of me.But I was criticized quite often.Apparently, so I looked sad and rather gloomy ... Mother did not like it, she said: "With such beeches nobody wants to be friends."It frightens me terribly, I immediately begin to smile against his will. "
«My dad was able to bring up look.He seemed to say, "You disappoint me, you are bad."For me, there was nothing worse, I diligently tried to remove from itself all that it was disappointing, but to get the location I have not been able to. "
«My mother took care of me very intrusive, and then another and demanded gratitude for their care.I could not be eternally grateful for what she did, eventually, for themselves and not for me ... Then she took offense, calling me callous, but I felt terribly guilty. "
How does a good girl image?
It is an attempt to adapt to the expectations of the parent (or caregiver) - hoping to get a drop of acceptance, or at least to withdraw the charges.The road to their own desires is abandoned - every effort is spent on adaptation.
But sooner or later the protest still there.In its protest, you refuse to be comfortable, predictable.You try to say "no" in response to the ridiculous expectations, you try to disagree with inappropriate claims.And then you meet with tremendous anxiety - the more, the less you had support ...
When you want something for yourself, you "will make" where you this right has been denied.The alarm will remind you, "Danger Zone!Fraught with dire consequences! »
There is still internal Tiran inserts its say:" crazy ?!Come back immediately in the "good girl"!Such behavior is not safe!I am for your sake I will burn your guilt and shame! ".
When you refuse safely, but bear a close image of the good girls can climb a lot of anger.This is another "inconvenient" part of the process.
Expose your anger is difficult, especially the former "good" person.Anger again excites Tirana with his prosecution and styzheniem and frightened child with his anxiety.For the child still does not believe that it will be adopted in their feelings.
Anger "get out" in the details, it is frightening in its power and disproportionate situation."She did not even want to listen to me," "He did not ask - and what I feel?", "They decided everything for me ...»
old resentments flare energy of anger in the new circumstances, and with other people who are not fortunate enoughget into an old wound and caught his arm.Anger asserts itself - where it was previously prohibited.In those situations and circumstances that mimic the primary injury - non-respect of non-recognition, non-support.
This is a difficult time when you seem inadequate to himself because of his excessive reactions that you are no longer able to hold back, because of the painful balancing on the razor's edge between unbearably self-betrayal and horror escape and rejection ...
making yourself
Only the acceptance of yourself, allowing yourself to go through a painful period of anger and through the agreement to be "bad", brings liberation.Treatment, of course, help, but, by and large, the most important shoulder to lean on - this is my own shoulder.Well, along with allowing yourself to be at times a "bad", many of which will die unnecessary.
For example, the expectation of the right talent.Togolese law, which we used to expect from their parents - that they will still have different feelings and states - in anger, for example, or impotence.But they could not ...
Waiting "resolution" is maintained.Now other people, we will wait for the approval of the "maladaptive" behavior.And, of course, can not wait.This right will have to give yourself.
However, the word "have" is not quite appropriate.I give myself the right to all kinds of feelings and actions!I have the right to rage, sad, complain, did not sympathize with that "no sympathy", and get out when you want to!Hooray!
world will react to this in different ways.Someone will say: "And you, it turns out, a radish!" Someone will say, "Okay, look for help elsewhere."
new experience will bring a new experience: I can not stand someone else's displeasure, and thus to stay alive!and more: What is a delightful state - to be on their side.
Articles Source: psylive.ru
