When creating a family dream many couples are limited to the lush beautiful wedding.And what will happen then - time will tell.But the fact that young people are not aware of the potential for further problems, a marriage made in heaven, suddenly fall ... because about 80% of conflicts in families originate from domestic violence.
one spouse bird, another - owl, one likes to after supper dishes were washed once, the other can leave it in the morning.The most common initiator of the conflict is a woman, because she is more emotional.Many consider themselves superhozyaykami, supermatter, superzhenami, and therefore, the truth is always on their side.Men like it and understand, but do not want to go on about.Here and ready scandal.
How to avoid disputes arising from domestic violence?
Family weekdays
Genesis captures family slowly and imperceptibly at first, like slipping silently from the mountain fog.Life - this is everyday life together: scattered around the apartment socks husband and wife's hair in the bathroom, washing the dishes, the duty output bin, etc.A problem in this situation usually appear because of the selfishness and inability to communicate with each other, the desire to dump everything in the half.Genesis - a problem for those who have created a family for selfish reasons.Because "it is time", became pregnant, wanted or wanted to live in prosperity, sought and found his wife-housewife, she thought, if in bed all super, then the rest of it will also be "read minds" and the desires of someone justI wanted to run away from their parents, or simply a change of scenery.The list of reasons can be overwhelming, but it will not be necessary and that the main - love and respect.The latter is no less important than the first.
The problem is that we do not teach a child.But, how can people who do not know how to love and respect each other, to cultivate these qualities in children?Therefore, the need to learn from their mistakes, and it's hard, painful, and often frustrating, but it's really, if you wish.
Here's a simple example: the output wife decided to do cleaning and somehow offended at her husband did not share her zeal.But he was not aware of the plans of their half, which did not consider it necessary to inform us in advance.Said cleaning - it means cleaning!And who he did so to put it into notoriety?So many women often think, with some grumble under his breath, the other shouting to her husband in the face, and someone is crying alone in the kitchen after the husband slammed the door, unable to withstand another tantrum.And it's true - a storm in a teacup.Again, these unfortunate "unreasonable expectations".They - the source of many problems in the family, including household.
Tip: family problems in the contribution made by both spouses, and the charge of all the troubles of the partner (assuming that he (she) must be (a) to change and adapt) speaks of the desire to shift responsibility for the selfish position in a relationship.It is important to hear and to listen to each other, to appreciate and respect.
swing right
first domestic concerns women charge themselves, trying to turn the life of a loved one in a fairy tale, and to connect a cloth on the ground and passionate lover.
But soon this burden becomes too much for, and my husband is already used to and takes everything for granted.And who is to blame?Of course, he - ungrateful.It's hard to admit that itself in a remote corner drove.
In fact, workaholism per family member for the common good, as a rule, are not valued second.He is not involved in the process, not seen, not heard, and did not ask for, in fact, many things that it generously "rewarded."That came home to his beloved wife, his hearty and tasty fed, watered, he was pleased and wanted to continue the feast, but in bed.Why not - he's at home with his legal wife.But the wife could barely hold on his feet, and all her erotic fantasies exclusively on the arms of Morpheus.As a result, the man remains very sweet with a bitter aftertaste disappointments: he silently dissatisfied or very loud.In the latter case, the wife resents ingratitude and remains of the opinion that all men are the same and do not appreciate what they do for women.
bury themselves under the burden of household chores, their beauty and passion, it is useless to complain about ruined opportunities, accusing her husband.Is he married this woman forever unsatisfied happening?Distribution and coordination of responsibilities in the family - the cornerstone upon which a family is hard, or beating on him, like a ship on a rock during a storm.
And if a woman shoulder the entire economy, sooner or later have to talk to her husband about his duties.Of course, when the husband works a lot, it is unlikely to agree to share all the worries in half.But many men believe that once they get tired, and tired of his wife often regarded as a whim.This mistaken belief must be eradicated weighty arguments, not accusations, shouts and tears.
Tip: main thing is to speak calmly, confident and friendly, not forgetting to make compromises.If one absolutely do not like to iron or wash the floor, then it is not necessary that charging.If there is no mutually favorite household duties, to do them one by one or together.And remember that you should always give thanks to each other.
Tip: Dear wife, believe me, sex after a light dinner for a man a hundred times better than a banquet and cold bed for dessert.Even if dinner is not on the royal level, the continuation of all the eclipse, but if the opposite happens, no miracles cooking will not save the situation.
Family accounting
Husbands whose wives are dependent on the material, often relax quickly: my "thing" - what I want, I do.It happens that the husband and wife work, each in itself, is that together, but each in his salary, is that the wife is working at home on her husband's secretary or translator.But the most common scheme, when at the urging of her husband's wife quits his job and becomes a housewife, You Provide for me a way of life, and the money I earn.Such a spouse, believing that now his wife from him is not going anywhere, often becomes a family dictator.And then the tears will not help, the situation will last until one of them decides to change it.If a woman suffers, it will continue as long as she does not get sick, do not break down completely, or until her husband finds a new wife-housewife younger.
If a woman does not respect herself, why it has to respect her husband?Yes, and probably not for the respect she married him, but in vain.But if in the first case, the woman is at least approximately, what is, what is even worse, and unfortunately commonplace.Another cause of domestic conflicts becomes a lack of money.When the family is facing financial problems, the tension begins to grow and results in a protracted conflict.
Lack of money is usually associated with improper expenditure of funds: lack of planning of necessary expenses, momentary emotional purchase to the detriment of the family.It may be associated with a small salary of the spouse.In addition, the question of the size of the income is often crucial to the balance of power in the family.If the income of men more, usually the power belongs to him.And his behavior in this case is the cause of conflict, which often harm the interests of women either materially or morally.And the question here is not just about money, but in these difficult tangible concepts like love, care for children and their half.
The most unhappy men and women with respect to the use of money the opposite sex?Men - buy cosmetics and clothes, and the women - automotive and computer upgrades.This is most often the cause of recriminations.
There are positive changes in this matter - until we reached Western standards of personal finance.For example, the wife pays for utilities and food, and her husband - the education of children and family rest.This is just one of the options, based on the parity start conducting the family budget, in which draws interests are not prejudiced.
Tip: prehistoric time to part with the idea that someone who has to contain.Unless, of course, is an honest marriage based on love and mutual respect.Do you want more money - to discuss together possible ways to increase family income.There are many ways to earn decently and adequately provide for his family.
Tip: agree among themselves to determine the amount in which each of you to act on your own and not have to report on what the money was spent.
computer-rival in love
One reason domestic conflicts in the family is the computer.Often this happens when one of the spouses whether on business or for any other reason, spends a lot of time in front of the machine at home.As a rule, a long time is a major cause of family discord, these problems tend to take a protracted nature. particularly clearly the situation is drawn in the following cases:
- one spouse works at home.As a rule, no surprise that, in this case, time becomes a non-standard and sometimes unnecessarily long (especially if you pay depends on the amount of work performed).
- one spouse uses the computer as the main source of fun and games.The damage caused to health of the user, is negligible compared with the damage to family relations.
Respect
Most conflicts in the family, if not all, it arises from the elementary lack of respect for each other.Everyone loves and respects himself, so why do we then treat bad choice, second half?It's part of us, do not respect it, we do not respect ourselves.So before you criticize, to complain, and even insulted, think about whether you want to so behave towards you.
tired, unwell or upset about something, and then swoops hurricane claims not washed, cooked, ironed, and so is not. D. If you do not feel like you need to say so.Something hurts or just annoyed passing day - not Retrieve your lost, do not get angry, do not expect half guess your condition and begin to blow off dust particles, helpfully looking into his eyes.
In an extreme case, if you can not control himself, shut up, take an invigorating shower, eat.It is better and more useful than to cause someone pain from scratch.When are we going to get married, then draw yourself a model of the ideal family.And if something is not subsequently comply with our ideas, we criticize someone who destroys these "castles in the air."It is best to first discuss plans for life and to understand whether they match at least something.And only after that you need to start to live together and raise a family.
Sometimes the model of the future of the family is taken from favorite books, movies, and just out of my head, but often it is based on the example of their parents, or in opposition to it, if you have a family tensions.For example, in one family dad did not do anything around the house, because my mother was engaged, and the first thing their son follow in his father's footsteps.If Dad wife always take out the garbage, I beat out carpets, washed the dishes and loved the pancakes, it is entitled to expect from the future husband of the same.That drew a conflict of interest on home soil.And both are right.To destroy such stereotypes is difficult, but possible.
Therefore, do not humiliate their halves - that you humiliate yourself.Do not remember past hurts, do not be quarrelsome and petty.Do not mention as "arguments" of his usually idealized parents.Be honest with each other, do not gloss over the true claims and desires.
Articles Source: bealpha.com
