- Daddy, and Daddy!
- Yes, Sema.
- please give me the money and the boys in the class go buy yourself for tablets.We need to study.
- Taki and all need?
- Taki everyone!
- So all right away go to buy ??
- Did so!
- So the money I give you is not!
- Daddy, but everyone will have a tablet (with tears) and I do not?
- No Sema, you too will be a tablet, but you buy it when these gentiles already buy myself on the tablet, and you will be given a discount card.
***
Headmistress female face calls to the military base.The tube removes Lieutenant.
- We on Saturday at the Lyceum celebration with dancing, could you send us three dozen pretty young soldiers?
- Of course, it's - no problem!
- Just please make sure that none of them were Jews ...
- No problem!Everything is done as asked ...
the appointed day to the Lyceum drove the bus out of it popping fun thirty black soldiers led by Sgt.
stunned headmistress:
- What is it ?!It's some kind of mistake!
- What do you mean, no mistake - meets Sgt.- Lieutenant Goldberg is never wrong!
***
buy watches over five million is not cool, cool to be able to sell them (the modern Jewish wisdom).
***
Arab entered the crowded bar and going to drink, when he saw a man among those present in the pile, with sidelocks.
Arab approached the bartender and loudly for all to hear, said he treats everyone except the Jew, the most expensive drink that is in this bar.
After drinks were handed out to the Arab and paid for them, a Jew and an Arab smiled broadly as loudly said, "Thank you!"
This led Arab furious.He once again loudly ordered drinks for everyone - except the Jews.
Jew in response to the Arab smiled again, and said loudly, "Thank you!"
Arab asked the bartender:
- I already ordered two servings of drinks for everyone in the bar, in addition to him, and he smiled and thanked me.It is that - crazy?
- No, said the bartender.- He's the owner of the bar!
***
young man came to the surgeon:
- Doctor, castrate me please.
- Why would you?
- Doctor for myself all decided not to ask too many questions.
- God, you're so young, you have a whole life ahead!Think hard!
- No, doctor, not even persuade.Money for the operation transferred to your account, so please be so kind!
operation was successful.In the morning, the doctor, making the round comes to a young man:
- How do you feel?
- Thank you very much, doctor!No pain.
- Well, at least now something you can explain its actions?
- You see, doctor, I'm going to marry a Jewish woman.
- So you circumcision had to do !!!?
- I had asked ??????????
***
young Jewish boy is written in the Jewish army.The Commission asks the question:
- Imagine you are in the field.Ahead of you Arab.Your actions?
- Grab gun and kill Arabs.
- Right.The following situation: you are in the field, in front of you Arab, left and right, too, for an Arab.Your actions? - Grab gun and kill everyone.
- Right.Such a situation: you are in the field, in front of you three Arabs, too, behind the three Arabs, right / left again on three Arabs and even a tank rides.Your actions?
- Grab gun and kill Arabs.Then I throw a grenade and undermines the tank.
- Right.But this situation: you are in the field, in front of hundreds of Arabs, left / right / rear hundred, three tanks because of the hill seemed heels and helicopters swoop.Your actions?
- And you can question?
- is possible.
- What am I, a Jewish army ???
***
Jewish curse: "May you become rich so that your second husband of the widow can live all your life without working."
***
Russian Jewish woman
great lesson teach.
Galloping horse outbid,
burning house to sell ...
***
- Chaim, you know that they are there in Israel, wrote at the airport?
- Yeah, so what?
- Who with a sword will come to us, that circumcision is cheaper.
***
Christmas ... Shop Russian fairy items.The seller advertises a harp-samogudy.The buyer asked to demonstrate.Sold reluctantly gets.The tool starts to play "The Seven-forty."All dance.Buyer, seizing the moment, asked:
- Is that a Russian harp?
- Gusli a Russian, but you can not imagine how hard it is to find a good tuner.
***
team yeshiva (Jewish religious school that prepares rabbis) permanently lost the competition of students on rowing.As they did not try, always finished last.
To find out what is the secret of victory, they decided to send a scout at Harvard Abram teams - how they win every competition.
Abram enrolled at Harvard and began to closely observe the team during their training.
past few months and in the end he returned to the yeshiva.
There he begins to ask: "Well, you know their secret?"
Abram said to them, "Yes! They, it turns out, eight people rowing and only one yells"
***
old Jew died.His Relatives Abraham calls his nephew Ize:
- Izzy, come, your uncle died.
- I'm sorry, Abraham, I can not come to the funeral ... you gave him something and send me through.
- Good.
funeral took place normally.A week later comes Ize by $ 200.A week later - again by $ 200.A week later - again by 200 $ ...
Ize got sick, he calls Abraham:
- Abraham - that you gave Uncle?I come every week by $ 200.
- I took him to rent a tuxedo ...
***
suitable bride to the rabbi and had a wedding ceremony:
- How much do I owe you?
- I - nothing, but if you want to donate as much money synagogue, how much do you estimate the beauty of your wife.
groom thought and took one shekel.
Rebbe looked at the bride veil, sighed and reached for his surrender.
***
floods in the Jewish Autonomous Region no Jew suffered.
***
Cosmetics from the Dead Sea: a centuries-old Jewish dream come true to make money out of the mud.
