All parents love their children and wish them the very best, from toys - to fate.But it would be desirable that the child has grown not spoiled, independent, smart and successful person.
How to raise a child so that the extent of spoiling it, but did not turn into a monster spoiled?
Interestingly, in the life of a capricious and spoiled child - is not always the one who is too pampered, holili and nurtured in childhood.And vice versa - often pampered children grow up well balanced and worthy people.
So how do you properly pampered child, so as not to spoil it?
«darling of fortune»
clear view, confidence in the movements, demeanor, openness and love of the world - are distinctive features of the child.He is a dreamer and a naturalist, a favorite of the teachers and headache: after a sharp mind and a thirst for knowledge is attached a small "nuclear reactor", not allowing a minute to sit still.
How to grow such a child?It needs to be pampered!It is desirable since birth.How to pamper?There is a complex question.Unfortunately, not many people can say with pride that their childhood spoiled, or give the exact recipe.We'll have to improvise.
Where do we start?With the definition.«Indulge - to treat someone with too much attention, pandering to the whims and desires of all" - will tell us, "Dictionary of Russian language" SIOzhegova.Rather, we are able to simply forget.
Just remember, when the baby is just born, we pay attention to it much more than he needed.How pleasant to sit with a sleeping baby in her arms and looking at the little face.In some admiration led the first smile, the first "ASU".How many kind words and come up with was to go to the center of the universe.And what a pleasure it was to us!It turns out to pamper someone - it's very nice.
But the kid has grown up and is unlikely to react with the same admiration for our "baby talk."We'll have to find other ways.They can become the world attention to the interests of the child: to find the time in the confusion of affairs, to sit down and discuss the merits of different machines or to praise a new outfit doll.
can carve out money and buy a bike, when you look at that child's eyes light up - and perhaps give the child the opportunity to earn money, and value acquisition "iron horse" will be supported by pride in their independence.
also useful in time to stop yourself and run to help the child to climb up the hill (a ladder, chair), to give an opportunity to do something yourself and enjoy a well-deserved victory - which should be noted and praised.Many psychologists in their work noted the great importance of "small victories" for the development of the child.
difficulty is to give the child understand that his notice, like, that his dreams come true, and even he can carry them out, but do not overwhelm with unnecessary toys and undeserved praise: the immoderate use and then, and moredepreciates.
Unlikely to accept a three-year kid seriously admired the fact that he is able to walk (if it does not suffer from a disease of the musculoskeletal system, in which even walking - no small achievement), but the praise is proud to demonstrate the ability to ride a bicycle is appropriate.
main rule - your every action, word, gift, should strengthen a child's faith in yourself, keep striving for new achievements.Yes, indulge - is not easy.
«small homemade monster»
Surely you at least once met such a child.Porridge, he will have only candy, and learned to do - if he will buy a bike.When collecting the street Mom wears on his pants, and his grandmother zastegnet sandaliki, and he graciously allows it to do (or not allow, and will scream and struggled), although it is able to do these simple operations on their own.
The sandbox is a child of a neighbor knocks on the head sovochkom, and the store will drop to the floor, knocking his feet and yelling "buy-and-and the machine.""What a spoiled child" - pomorschatsya surrounding."But it did not spoil!" - Exclaim parents.That - not spoiled, and even brought up.But how?There are only three "rules" to follow that can bring up a great "monster home" even for a short period of time.
Rule one - as little attention.A child came out of infancy, it is self-contained and requires attention only when doing something wrong - screams, fights, throwing toys, pounding a hammer on the TV, and the mirror - my mother's crystal vase.Then it is necessary to shout, swear or even spank.The scheme is simple, the child quickly realizes: to draw attention to themselves, to shout, fight and knock.Several repetitions securely attach skill.
second rule - not to do anything on their own.The three-year child is too small to wear shoes.Porridge with a spoon will drop out and stain the new pants.With slides toddler necessarily fall and hurt hurt.Dog bites, the cat scratched, soak feet in a puddle, and then be sore throat.
sense of his own weakness and futility, coupled with a sense of evil and threatening the world around, the child will quickly withdrawn, nervous, fearful, non-independent and dependent.
You can also add a touch of surprise and confusion, if the requirements of the child in all family members will be different.Pope authorizes, prohibits grandmother, and it solves a grandmother, but prohibits the mother.This will complement the formation of nerve and closed nature of the constant feeling of guilt.
third rule - gifts.A lot of different and for any reason, and without it.At the same time, you can soothe the conscience that you do not have time to baby: Replace communication presents.Instead of a fairy tale evening - a new doll instead of a joint campaign on the carousel at the weekend - newfangled machine model.
measures and reasonableness is not necessary - all that and wanted to buy, should buy immediately and instantly and a tray with a look of guilt on his face "because I pay so little attention to you."Another good way - bribery.Eat a spoonful of porridge - you get candy, learned a lesson - buy rolls.Every action has its own price, and do not expect that the child will do something "for the case."
Just a few months of such education and "monstrously spoiled child" is ready.Now it is possible to complain to relatives and friends, or lead to a psychologist.
What to do?
In fact, more often in the upbringing of the child in different proportions are found both approaches.I guess the question is, in the proportion and displacing it in one direction or another, we often without even noticing, grow your child, or to indulge in their own, unique monster.It all depends on us and our common sense.
Fortunately, long gone are the days when children were brought up "by Dr. Spock," and once again to come up, but even more so to take the child in his arms was impossible - izbaluesh.Already Nikitin described this approach as wrong, and even dangerous, negatively affecting the development of the child.
now increasingly possible to hear about the Japanese-style education, where carrying a baby in her arms in a sling, and sleeping together are seen as something natural, and restrictions on freedom are reduced to microscopic minimum - that is, the child consciously and purposefully "spoiled."By the way, the Japanese are among the most organized and disciplined people in the world - in spite of such a free parenting style (or because of it?).
However, this approach is better with a good bit of common sense: after all, absolutely impossible to live without limits, and most child will primarily live in such uncomfortable unformed, unlimited world.
Perhaps the best recipe - it's a small number of reasonable restrictions (because everyone understands that to poke a finger in the socket should not be under any system of education - current poorly versed in pedagogy) and an unlimited number of pure parental love.And let your communication with your child brings joy.
What do you think, whether you want to indulge the child, and how it should be done so as not spoiled him?
Articles Source: mosfamily.ru