How did you feel when the four got into the school?If you were so sick, sad and disappointing that the evaluation of bringing you to tears, it is likely that in school days you get not only a lot is not very useful in real life knowledge, but "syndrome honors," which prevents a lot more thanknowing that the diagonals of a rhombus intersect at right angles.
Where does syndrome honors?
is most often nurture the child's parents themselves, presenting excessive demands."Why do you have four math?There should be five, "" the only possible score - the five "- all such phrases are broadcast in high school as" I'm good, but if you get a perfect score. "And while most adults are well aware that the estimates often have little to do with real knowledge, they continue to insist that the blog was just a perfect score - but then, they say, just relax.
sometimes five and a successful learning - is the only way for a child to be seen and recognized in a family.For him, good grades are a way to get a slice of the attention from the most dear people, because without the great points in his diary just no one notices.
Does this mean that all the honors somehow formed this syndrome?Not at all.Children, confident and independent of the opinions of others, too, may well know the subject "perfectly well".But the owners of the "syndrome of honors" healthy standouts different is that they will not cry over the diary with the troika and beg the teachers do not make an assessment in the magazine and set resit.
than harm this syndrome?
Syndrome honors in children leads to negative feelings, neurotic disorders, insomnia, physical and mental exhaustion, but the biggest problem is that the whole life fixed pattern of behavior, "Be the best - only then you will love / praise / appreciation/ respect. "
In adulthood honors syndrome often transformed into low self-esteem, perfectionism and provokes painful depression.A man who grew up with the conviction that it is recognized, loved and appreciated only when he is doing something better than anyone else - very much experiencing setbacks, criticism and even a lack of praise from important figures environment.
So, housewife syndrome excellent pupil will feel worthless wife, if the husband is not to praise her every culinary masterpiece, an office worker is confident that it is bad doing its job if the boss is not it constantly encourage, promote, that is, put the virtual"Five."This is an objective reality, that is how well these people are doing their job, it is not perceived by them.No praise - so there is no success.They themselves do not know how to praise.
paradox is that such people are usually very successful in their businesses because they do not give themselves the descent and demand with itself to complete and around get used to it quickly.The first time the boss praise an employee who stayed in the office for an hour and exceeded the norm by half a second too, but a month later it will start to take it for granted, and even, perhaps, would be unhappy if the employee leaves on time.As well as the need to get their "virtual five" does not disappear, such a worker can bring yourself to a nervous breakdown - in fact, continued to praise the boss, you need to work even harder, longer and more successful!Thus people with the syndrome of honors are often afraid to make a mistake and prefer not to risk all, not only to get a "minus" to his "five".
Most people with the syndrome of honors project their perfectionism and their environment - a "distribution" does not just children, but also parents, husbands and colleagues.And woe to those employees whose boss in childhood received a mandate to "go home with only five" - he is sincerely convinced that the work can be done, or not at all, or do perfectly.What other sickness, maternity, vacation?I come sat at the computer - and wrote a report, but so what, it's three o'clock in the morning, do not know anything!
Since mood and mental state of "Excellence" is almost completely dependent on the assessment that it puts the environment, it resembles a computer without batteries - there is electricity, everything works, but there is a failure - the computer immediately turns off.
Even if "Excellent" lucky and he will find a pair that will constantly praise him, and get a job where all his value to live without it can not, at some point in the chain will still break when someoneit forgets to say what Vasya done.
What to do if your child already has this set?
increasingly interested not estimates, and the very process of learning - that were held on the biology of what the book was discussed at the literature, how was the tour of the museum and why the English teacher gave such a great job.Be sincere interest, listen, if the child wants you to say something, give praise, if you feel pride in the achievements of his son or daughter, but better - not for assessment, and for the desire for trying, even if it did not succeed.Teach your child that life need not only to win, because of failure - is a great way to learn their weaknesses and to understand on what else you can work.
If a child is very eager to demonstrate its success - "Look, Mom, I have today two fives" - still try to avoid the praise is for a high score."You're so diligent, I saw you yesterday, three o'clock taught the poem's great that a teacher of literature, too, it is appreciated!" - Praise the child, his hard work, diligence and hard work, not figure in the diary.
- Your task is to give the child to understand that the assessment - it is not important in life.
«And what about going to college?" - Immediately objected parents.- "He's deuces picked up, and I then mopped in a paid or university of his shove!" What, is to weaken the control - and the child will go racing, will begin to skip class, do not do "homework" to write off control and fall "below the plinth"- this is a common myth.In fact, if the student feels that parents trust him and do not seek to take responsibility for the performance of his homework, he takes it on himself.Perhaps its "natural" level of claims is not enough for a blog full of fives, but he grew up in a harmonious, confident in their abilities and personality.Such usually succeed in life.
Look around at the sides - whether all of those who took important posts, gets a good salary, successful in his career and personal life - gold medalists and red diploma holders?Practice shows that in real life are much more successful as time troechniki who do not live in order to obtain approval from the outside, and are perfectly able to encourage and motivate themselves.
And by the way, the lack of control does not mean an abundance of triples in the diary.
What to do with his syndrome honors?
The problem is that the syndrome of honors, so to say - an inherited "disease".Grandmother demanded excellent ratings on your dads, it puts you in the corner of any "non-five" and now you come into a rage at the sight of two (or, worse, even four) in his diary of their child.And how would you justify to ourselves that the estimates - not the main thing in life, when your fifth-grader comes home again, his eyes downcast, said he had received four of the dictation on the Russian language, you simply can not cope with their emotions.And to overcome this pattern of behavior without external interference, it is sometimes very difficult.
At such moments in you "comes to life" criticism of the parent - the one that has been copied from your own mom and dad.And you start to cry, blaming a son or daughter in the disorder and even, sometimes, stupidity.But remember that the parent has the internal and the other part - caring.That instead of the phrase "and knew you ignoramus" could ask: "Was it difficult dictation, perhaps?" Caring parents without irony, he sincerely empathizes with a friend, who was himself something out how upset he almost cries.He knows that the evaluation does not always show the real knowledge, and not all people are the same skills are equally simple.
The good news is that caring parent can afford to cultivate.When you next time someone wants to criticize, shame or explain how and what should have been done, stop and imagine for a moment, what would make a caring parent who is always striving to help and support?And try, if only for the sake of diversity, to behave that way.
way, it works just as well for those owners syndrome honors that have no children.Start with the fact that more often "include" the parent caring for himself.Ask yourself: "How do I feel?What do I now want?Is it important to organize general cleaning in three in the morning, when the six already get up for work? »
Defeat perfectionism that often" hatches "from the syndrome of honors, can only exercise.Do something is not perfect, you'll see - no one will because of this as much as you like.
How to prevent syndrome honors?
Love your child (as well as their loved ones and yourself) is not for something, and just like that.Most say, "I'm so glad that I have you," hugging and smiling.
Thomas Edison, the inventor of the incandescent lamp, had only four classes of education, and in his old age was fond of saying: "Do you think I would have managed to invent something, if I went to school?" Albert Einstein barely graduated from HigherTechnical School in Zurich.And Bill Gates was expelled from Harvard for academic failure and truancy, because the legal profession attracted him much less than the chip and technology.Think what would have been the modern world, if all of these people was a "syndrome of honors?"
Articles Source: psylive.ru
