How to stop close to the stall?

The pace of modern life we ​​often lose our self-control, our nervous system is shattered and the reason for this - a lot of negative factors: chronic fatigue, health problems, constant rush, an unacceptable level of noise, an overabundance of visual impressions, and so on. Keep your cool and do notirritated becomes more and more difficult.And the more we feel the irritation becomes so obsessive need to pour it on anyone.

From our irritability and irascibility primarily affected relatives.Although the habit now and then "let off steam" can ruin a relationship with someone else - family, colleagues and friends.Besides, irritated, after the fact, we feel a sense of guilt and because of the frequent outbursts of anger may even lose faith in yourself.These emotions leave behind an unpleasant aftertaste, you can consider yourself the worst of women, the worst mother in the world, unsuccessful employee or incompetent leader.

Staircase Aggression: How are irritability and anger

Fight irritability is not easy, but psychologists are advised to do this as soon as possible, because the anger and resentment - this is just the first step in the so-called ladder of aggression.This is followed by anger, rude insulting shouts and finally assault.Therefore, irritability may gradually grow into bitterness and physical violence.

Increased aggression - wake-up call!If you've limited sullen sniff, and now in the same situations easily breaks down to cry, it means you have to work hard to return to the previous level of aggression.Otherwise soon aggression inevitably rush up again.

How to cope with irritability?

Step 1. Identify regulatory conflicts

Before joining the fight against irritability, need to understand its nature, to determine in what situations it usually occurs.And the first thing you should pay attention - regulatory conflicts.These are the "rake", which we are attacking daily skirmishes, repeated day after day or week after week on the same occasion.

For example, every morning children are slower than necessary, going to school, you're late for work, as a result of getting nervous and irritated.Carefully observe a period of two to three weeks and thoroughly fix the bookmark situations that cause you negative emotions.Then psychologists advise anticipating the response form that is internally prepared and not let anger at a critical moment to freely possess you.

Step 2. Watch the change of emotional state

next important step - fixing the date "emotional transition": watch out for when and how it changes your state."For example, only that you were calm and spoke with all the smooth and friendly, but a minute later to pluck the cry ...

analyze development of a situation in which there is irritation, as virtually all forces, but this requires a certain orderliness.An important point - the need to fix on paper the results of their observations, otherwise inevitably arise in the mind mess.It is important to understand how this process occurs.Usually consciousness begins to acquire the fixed idea: "Anything more I can not stand in the state!" - And now the anger covers us turbid wave.

Some people are feeling is preceded by certain physical symptoms - for example, they have become more frequent breathing and heartbeat, blushing cheeks and clenched fists reflexively.Someone starts excitedly pacing the room, touching the surrounding objects, or grabs the cigarette as a lifeline.

defining moment "emotional transition", try to hold for 3-5 seconds and balance on the verge of collapse.By and large, all the known ways of dealing with their own irritability to a greater or lesser extent, based on that person ceases to act on the principle of an immediate response.Sometimes, a few seconds are enough to pull myself together.

If you still missed the point, it is useful to remember that usually the anger dies down no later than 30-40 minutes.At this time it is better not to do anything, and any action to prefer silence.

Step 3. To understand the true nature of their negative emotions

to understand the true causes of negative emotions - the success of overcoming them.Well, if you also will be able to even articulate these reasons.

main reasons:

1. Hereditary anger. For some people, understanding that his irritability they have inherited, makes it strongly oppose.

2. Status of chronic nerve overload. itself sober, critical attitude to stressoobrazuyuschim collisions may reduce the number and intensity of our angry outbursts.It is necessary to recognize their fatigue and frazzled and understand that in this state do not just do not get annoyed.

3. Redirection of anger. irritation, poured out on those around us, usually redirected to some other, much less unresponsive object.For example, you are ready to devour her husband, but the cry of "wrong address" unconsciously seems to you a lot more secure.Or you have any problems at work, but then turned up toys scattered on the floor, and there is anger at the release of the child.Such forward should be closely monitored!

Helpful Hint: should always remember that anger - and there is a secondary feeling he experiences of a different kind - the pain, fear or resentment.Watch yourself, and you make sure that for every angry flash actually "hidden" one of passive emotions.

Step 4. Do not wait for instant success

only gradual, barely noticeable progress can eventually do to turn things around.The process of harmonization of internal state can be characterized by the famous phrase "one step forward, two steps back."Ability to deal with feelings must learn patience.

Do not think that the goal of the struggle with anger - without disruption to hold weekly or monthly.It is more important to change ourselves, and this process may take many months or even years.- Your task is to learn not to suppress the anger in yourself (after time, he still will break out a new destructive flash), and to express their negative emotions mature, positive ways.

Anger completely uncontrollable: refer to the object causing the negative emotions, you can politely expressing the main complaint, without deviation of the way and guided by logical thinking, not physical strength or broad vocabulary.

Step 5: Celebrate even the smallest victory

Praise is much more effective method than self-flagellation.If we fix our attention on the shortcomings and losses, this will inevitably lead to new outbursts of anger.

Life teaches us only notice our mistakes and failures, noting not let small, but nevertheless very significant victories.Unfortunately, the ability to enjoy the good inherent in is not all: such a state requires a certain emotional culture, which we are deprived.If you managed to make even a small step in the right direction, since you were able to determine the nature of his irritability and learned to control it a little bit, then a good start.

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