How not to write a resume

Version employer.

"wakes up an addict, crashing eye sees in the mirror instead of his reflection Snake Gorynycha.

- Yes, - I think the addict - it's time to eat at night to tie acid ...

- Yes - I think Dragon, crawled from the window - it's time to tie at night to eat junkies ... "

Once the sunFebruary day I realized - I need new employees.They are necessary as air.To be able to, without being distracted by the tedious small things really deal with important matters.

From my own experience I know that one of the fastest and most effective methods of search - the Internet.Overall, the performance is highly dependent on who exactly do you want to search - for selecting the top manager-in a large company should refer to the headhunter-am.And for a simple system administrator or active front toiler scorer Internet - an ideal option.

Said - done.

On the same day I posted on the websites;; Search ads relevant staff.The ads were shown: the position, requirements for candidates (education, availability of certificates, skills and professional knowledge, age of candidates), the necessary experience, the nature and schedule of work in my firm, the conditions of registration and contact information.And additional requirements - communication skills, stress resistance, ability to find common language with customers, together with the request - be sure to send the resume to the text of the letter, and not in an attached file.You guessed it - I hate to treat viruses!:)

"Show me your resume and I will say a lot about you as a specialist.On the position to which you are applying will be considered several candidates.Stand out!This can be done in various ways.The main thing that you were not like the others.Show summary in your character, professionalism and creativity.Work on it, and then it will work for you.On this subject, written numerous specialized books, not too lazy to see at least some of them.Use the examples in their resume as a base.Do not try to copy them - it can observe and decide: "All that he can do - to use other people's ideas, we do not need this."

Igor Mann

results were immediate.My next business day began with "raking" mailbox.Pretty soon there were several interesting findings.


1. Most have written can not read carefully.

In my job had been given formal requirements for applicants.Formal requirements - the minimum bar for the person who will be working in my company.Of course, there are no rules without exceptions - but it will have the benefit of those candidates who satisfy these requirements.

2. There are people who absolutely do not care - where, by whom and how they will work.

These men did not interest me at all.Comments below.

3. Come across individuals who are genuinely surprised by the fact that here at all to work.

Lord!Do not waste your and my time!I have a commercial company, not the state.This means that we exist at the expense of profits, not the budget.I'm interested in employees who help the profit increase.Sluggish, appatichnye creatures with silly questions: "What are the days you give a salary?" Immediately sent to the forest, the field of pasture to another organization.

4. Come funny writing.

In the process of selecting his staff pleasant moments: it is obvious that reading resume more interesting than listening to the jokes!

Facts.Spelling of authors is preserved.

"The guy with the wonderful recommendations, but with a nervous tic for employment.The manager said:

- I'm sorry, you can not take you to communicate with customers, and you blink constantly.

guy responds:

- No problem.I drink two aspirin and all day all the fun - not blink at all.

With these words, the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out one by one bunch of different condoms - a simple, non-ferrous, finned - different.Then gets aspirin drinks and really stops blinking.The manager said:

- Understand our serious company, you have to communicate with clients, and looks at you with morality is not all right ...

- What do you mean !!!I have a wife and two children.And if you do this, (pointing to a bunch of condoms), try the pharmacy blinking aspirin to ask. "

1. assistant system administrator wanted to become a grandfather (!), Despite the fact that the work involves frequent travel to the client.

Comment: Dear Grandpa!Age in the job information has been indicated, it is not a typo!By the way, where you have the Internet?

2. masterpiece of brevity: "I am 19 years old student of the 2nd year Univ Telecommunications Bonch-Bruevich, Professional PC knowledge, knowledge of iron PC repair, broad knowledge of software"

Comment: Brevity - the sister of talent,but anything you can tell us about yourself?

3. in the following letter did not specify the contact details and e-mail address from which it was sent was blocked.

Note: Even if I really liked your resume, it is naive to think that I'm going to spend my time on finding ways to communicate with you.It is better to err and leave contact details.

4. "Dear robotodatel! Before calling for harmonization of the time of interview, read the information below. ... Alas, but your proposal is a mockery. ... Tel. Xxx-xx-xx Alexander"

Note: Cut two pages of textwith grammatical errors, which showed how the author's opinion, it is necessary to conduct business.Toward the end of the letter the person SUB, it actually work for me arranged and added his phone.Alexander, in such cases, with a smile, I ask only one question: "If you're so smart, why are hiring and not hiring?" :)

Expert Opinion :

"A young girl wades through the crowd in a crowded bus.One intellectual takes her by the waist and helps to pass.

- Take me to your filthy paws, goat!

sneaks on.Another man, giving way, touches her shoulder.

- Well, you redneck healthy, do not touch me with a rake.

Almost output young guy turns his back and pressed against the seats to make way.

- That's what the bastard, did not even look. "

Alexander demonstrated one of the most serious flaws that are only possible for a specialist, whose primary responsibility is to work with clients.He left a bad impression after the first letter.Because it conflicted man.Fortunately, I already had a bad experience with people in conflict.Five years ago, one of my former bosses hired a new employee.With him no one wanted to talk.Do you know why?Around this man spread g @ vnoaura.He lost the ability to get a thrill out of life.He was always dissatisfied.Work, boss, social status, his wife, children, colleagues, and the worst thing - you!Poor loved to argue, not realizing that someone might have a different opinion.He did not know how to work in a team.He ceased to respect themselves.It felt and seen all around.Just a couple of weeks, he managed to get all of our four-storey organization - 150 people.Consider these lines - 15 per day.Instead of trying to find a reasonable compromise, he c stubbornness the donkey defended his position.He had an extremely low coefficient of adhesion to reality.He was fired with a bang.After his discharge, he is still coasting for two days continued to go to work until it is stopped to let security.This is a true story!Correcting these people is pointless.They are easier to isolate.Or let it work for a competitor, I do not mind :)

Fortunately, such people are rare.But remember they are worth.So just in case one of my future staff receives a test for conflict.

5. "Occupation: engineer-sistematehnik I like my job ... My Car: No, but the law is the"

Comment: Gentlemen!Only indicates your benefits and advantages!Can fly - write about it!I will invite you for an interview and happily check!

6. "PROF.ACTIVITIES: During training at the School attended courses in computer graphics and C programming language.Participated in: conferences, readings Sahorovskih PSIt seems easy to give in to training. "

Comment: Dear, is not loaded, please - learning - not the main thing in this life!I will be damn nice if you define at least with her sex!:) Better yet, if you start at last count only on their own efforts and cease to trust such an important matter as writing a resume, his mother.Tell her, please: last Sakharov written by "a".

7. "Full name: Dmitry V. Citizenship: Region of residence: Moscow Your wishes for a new job: Office, perhaps rare trip, a little fussy, a good team, competent and intelligent chief."

Comment:Dmitry Vasilyevich!All perfectly!We have a great team here.With a competent, intelligent and ambitious chief.What you should pay attention to?Probably only the fact that our company is located in St. Petersburg ... What was written in honest job.

8. "Marina V. Objective: Get practices in the economic sphere."

Comment: "Choose me, choose me, bird of happiness for tomorrow ..."

Marina, in fact I needed a system administrator,and not an economist.

9. "Look please resume Hello Elena Kaydanskaya !!!Name: Rustam "

Comment: Hi, Rustam!My name is Andrei Ivanovich Katchura.I - CEO of ActiveMind.And Elena Kaydanskaya for many, many years working personnel manager in the company Nienshanz.With pleasure I will send her your CV.:)

FAQ? !!!How to write a resume (advice to the applicant with the comments of the employer)

"Boatswain teaches sailor peeling potatoes: - Well, do you understand ?!- No.- Well damn.Go go down into the hold, where the brake.Embrace it, it's your dad. "

You have to interest me. It's not as difficult as it seems.Be confident and keep decent.Write interesting.If you can not interest me, it's sure to make one of your competitors.You sure you want to give up without a fight?Why volunteer to give up their place in the sun to someone else?:)

Write honestly and nothing but the truth. foolish to try to deceive me.Because in the interview, I will ask you questions and monitor your reaction.I believe people, but only as long as they do not prove otherwise.So you have to go through some tests.

Write about what position you are applying for and what you can do. Be ready to answer specific questions about your specialty.The answer is "I can dig, I can not dig," I am not satisfied.

Seven times measure - cut once.

"A woman walks into a sex shop and begins to select vibrators: - I am here, this blue, this one red and this one is black.Seller: - Here is a blue, here's a black and a fire extinguisher is not for sale "

Trite, but true.Before you write, think.One candidate for the post of Secretary distinguished "intelligence and wit."She wrote that she had no boyfriend (!!!), and add your photo.Honey, you seriously think that I take people to work to their privacy suit ?!:) By the way, we have a vacancy of the Secretary is still open.

Write only about your strengths and forget about the shortcomings! right word, fun read that individual applicants somehow still no :)

- Machinery

- Apartments

- foreign passports

funny you know why?Because I is not interested!And you know why I'm not interested?Because I do not like losers!

"Tpoe drunken polzyt on pytyam:

- Something staircase neydobnaya ...

- Yes .. and Wide-pepila ...

- Hy nothing goes out the elevator ..."

Itlosers are constantly telling you that life - r @ clearly that everything around is bad, that nobody knows about the eternal problem that dofiga well so that they can not solve.By the way, you ever wonder why they have so many problems?Because they do not solve them, and collect.Losers passive.They are afraid to take a step forward, just because there may be even worse!So.In total, only one suspected that you - a loser, and I send your resume in the trash.

not fill his price tag.

"It is better to earn a penny, nothing to make the ruble."

I know how much are your level specialists in the labor market, and I'm willing to pay you the money.But only for your professionalism and for real work.Freebies will not.

Prepare a questionnaire to each potential employer.

"The doctor dictates intern:

- Write" Skull head injury ... "

- Maybe traumatic brain?

- Nope his brain, even to check nothing, - said the doctor, - the second time for his birthday of his wife with his mistress pinned! "

When I see that in the" To "field in addition to my address specified still someone II delete it.This man is potentially unreliable.Because he has no goal - to find a job it is to me.He had another goal - to arrange for any job.Question to the men: you need a girl who still sleep with someone?I do not need.And employees who still work for someone - is not necessary.

Gather information about the company in which you want to arrange work. Go to their website.If the site address is not listed, you can always e-mail it to the address.mail a copy of the browser in the url the part that comes after the dogs (@).Of course, all of the above does not apply to servers of free mail (, etc.)


Email: [email protected] Website:

First of all, it canhelp you get information about the structure of the company (marketing department, customer service, sales), and understand how to organize its activities.Find out what they do, what they live and breathe.You become interested?Then I congratulate - chances are that you will get a job in the company significantly increased.

Review please once again a few lines Igor Mann, which I cited at the beginning of this text.These are the words of marketing director for Central and Eastern Europe, Middle East and Africa and Western Europe, the company Lucent Technologies (Avaya).I am sure they are worth to listen to them.

Andrei Kachura, CEO ActiveMind

Articles Source: