Never, do you hear, never open zelyonkoj teeth!


- I hate your friends from the internet!

- Why?You do not even know them!

- They burned my dinner that you cook ...


talk to two Internet user:

- Well, how are you?

- Yes, as you say ... Everything seems fine, that's just your fingers hurt.

- And why is it that?

- Yes, yesterday with friends for a chat meeting, all night singing songs ...


- Wow, Wan!How's it going?

- Yes, like a fairy tale.

- It's like this?

- and I myself - a fool, and my wife - a toad!


only students and pupils to the question "how long" answer - 10 minutes left!


Bank.Credit department:

- I need a loan.

- for what purpose?

- I want to open a gay club.

- And who will go there?

- fag different - John, Peter will come, those who have me in the elevator buttons harness constantly judge football come ...

- Sorry, but we have to deny you credit.

- Oh, and you come.


Chief presses the button and said to his secretary: "Helen, two coffees, please!" The voice from the speaker: "Andrei Petrovich, you can change at least for the weekend to leave alone? Step away from the intercom!"


Lady divorcing her husband.The judge asked the lady:

- What is the reason for divorce?He drinks?Taking drugs?

- No.

- it earns little?Beats?I do not care about the children?

- Yes, in general, no.Cares.

- do not satisfy you as a woman?Changes?It does not help around the house?

- No, really, that's all right.It Helps.

- Then what is the reason?

- You know, all you have to do it, but you should have seen the face with which he does it.


There are two friends.One another:

- Well, let's go get some coffee?

The other looks at him reproachfully, suspicious and answers:

- How strange you say the word "vodka"!


woman complains to her friend Kutuzov Moscow burned - and he is a hero!I just burnt burgers - so I'm a fool clubhand!


's always ... kopish-kopish at Lamborghini and iPhone ... and then bam!I do not hold back and bought a Coke and Snickers!


lesson teacher asked Little Johnny:

- pigweed Ivanna, call the word of six letters, which is called a complete collapse and failure, the second letter "i"?


- Get out of class!

Little Johnny, leaving:

- Fiasco, pigweed Ivanna, fiasco.


- girl and you used agreed to marry a radical.

- For whom?


- Girl, you look so beautiful in the toilet!

... - Man, are you - ohreneli ???IMMEDIATELY CLOSE THE DOOR !!!


in a double room, two settled traveler.On the first day one of them came back in the morning when a neighbor saw the fifth dream.

On sleduyschy back another day late, but his neighbor has bodrovstvoval since slept almost the whole day.

- What you acquainted with the city?- He asked suspiciously.

- Oh, got involved in the story - it is terrible to remember!Pozdnakomilsya with a very nice lady.Walked.He has invited to itself.We sit at the table.Suddenly the doorbell!

"Nightmare!" - Said my lady.

- Is the husband ahead of time from holiday vernulssya?Well, well!Here's an iron, here's the laundry, ironing board - expanse and quiet!"

smoother. Part of a huge guy and asks:" What is this guy?

"I nearly died of fright! A hostess calmly replies:" That I priglosila of the "Bureau of good offices" human pet clothes, and that she really began to spin at the end of the month.He had lunch with work soon have to finish ...

"- well that such a clever pop, but then I nesdobrovat! - Finished svoyrasskaz adventurous.

- Yes, Elvira - the woman did not miss - sarcastically smirked neighbor.- Well, the actress!

- How do you know her, too?

- Still I do not know her! Yes, the underwear that you stroked today, yesterday I almost overnight erased !!!

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