Funny horoscopes.

astrologers usually give astrological advice on how to find a friend or maintain existing relationships.However, there is a category of women who behave as if really want to remain old maids (in this context, "virgin" - no sign of the Zodiac)!If after reading a horoscope, you immediately want to meet a man, consider our mission accomplished.

ARIES (21.03. - 20.04.)

OVENIHE need to see the movie "New Amazons".It is advisable to enter into the role of the Amazon, which is proud and happy in his solitude, and did not go out as intended during the period of so-called "aversion to the opposite sex."Shouting in the streets: "Better to be a lifetime than a minute with you!"Do not forget to emphasize his alienation at every opportunity.Aries - the sign of the zodiac samovnushaemy.You say to yourself - I'm alone several times in the morning before eating, and it will work.

TAURUS (21.04. - 21.05.)

TELCHIHE is not recommended to go to the company, which will be at least one person - a man, even 86 years, with no hair and a bit muffled.Reassure yourself that there is nothing interesting from this meeting will not work, you just pretty frazzled nerves and fall through the voice.It is better to spend a free evening with pretty female friends, neighbors on the "communal" and to find out some new recipe savory cakes, preferably without erogenous components they overeat before going to bed and feel the buzz because well-fed lie down in a cold bed.Bullfighting - this from matriarchy when women go out to battle with the bull - go to the red, yarya all around the bulls.

GEMINI (22.05. - 21.06.)

Instead husband female twins should have a dog, cat, turtle, parrot, hippo, crocodile: anyone who could brighten up the "happy solitude."In short, change one animal to another animal.In the extreme case, makes the following feminist recipe: Get a friend of himself, possibly more attractive than you are, the more relaxed and better than you are dressed.Throughout her trust, her spend all your free time and go for a visit to these animals - for men!Let them love her, not you.Your weapons: Tag words that have to fight on the spot: "Where have you been, what he did, why did not call, wash your hands, you will have dinner, why not hungry, get drunk somewhere"?"Zadolbali" enemy issues, and most importantly do not try to get an answer.

CANCER (22.06. - 22.07.)

Rakin should bypass "for three miles," beauty salons and barbershops!Allow yourself a little delicacy in the form of a daily cake, in any case, do not wear your new belongings - it's gone.Fashion returns grandmother's blouse the revolutionary anarchy approach to combat the enemy.And most importantly, to convince yourself that you have still no one else will notice.If you pay, your trump card: to learn all the ropes of his frantic last, find the soap story in flashback from the kindergarten to the fact that he pulled over the braid the most beautiful girl.And by logical reasoning will understand everything about the future of this robber.

LEV (23.07. - 23.08.)

lioness with difficult - they still want to please men, hating last until the last beautiful marigold on your right leg.Such is the nature, it does not argue!Surely help the following: think of his image, "an intellectual independent", with the powers that be (ha ha) as much as possible, be arrogant, independent, free, and any attempt to flirt answer a resounding "lion's roar."At worst arrange matriarchy not contradict, do not get angry, obey in all things, to live by the routine.More than three months will not last!Lioness big fan salons banquets for Ladies: Open your club 'increased aversion to the male population. "

VIRGO (24.08. - 23.09.)

Virgo should live in the happy belief that there is one perfect man, the one half, which was created just for you alone.He is just waiting for you, but the truth is somewhere in Papua New Guinea, weaves the marriage bed of fern and bamboo shoots in diamonds and jumping over the fire.And would not give up on their ideals concerning the nature, appearance and financial capacity of the expected "Prince."He will priskachet on his white horse, after 77 years, but priskachet.

LIBRA (24.09. - 23.10.)

scales extremely hard - to 51 years can still be such a "terrible event" like a marriage, and with it the secret fear of the monster male."Love - is a horror film" - often you say, and the role Kruger without casting and selection give into the hands of men, and a few times in a lifetime.Carefully guarded family home her friends, give advice on the part of, then maybe you're lucky and "trouble" in the form of marriage, sweep past.Always weigh their decisions, "Measure seven times, and then cut once."

SCORPIO (24.10. - 22.11.)

Once SCORPIO believe in platonic love, the number of men per capita, which revolve endlessly without specific reasons, significantly diminished.Forget about the sexy, demonic eyes, mini skirt, and like the man tell better about your employment, work, hobbies, you are tired, have to wash the dishes and go to the store for bread.As soon as the door slammed shut behind him, know this: no bread, no sights you will not see.

SAGITTARIUS (23.11. - 21.12.)

STRELCHIHA should go to the edge of the world to avoid the male influence.Sometimes it works.Best location - a desert island.Change passwords and appearance, in the manner of dress understand: have no prospect of a short skirt.The color of the clothes look at the cold, repulsive colors - gray and brown.Several times a month to arrange "Strelets'execution morning."Cupid's arrows, turn the other way - love can be not only men, but their homeland, motherland, to develop their sense of patriotism and female solidarity.

CAPRICORN (22.12 - 20.01.)

have KOZEROZHKI most critical age - 28-30 years, not before, not after, she is not interested in love, but in the 28 something happening to her, feeling awake and she canthe story itself as the eighth-grader at a lesson on human anatomy: pale and blush of new knowledge.It was then that she can marry and begin an orderly family life.During this period, avoid men and do not doubt the correctness of his principles of life: "Highly sit - far I look" and "First of all planes, well, everything else in his old age": On the contrary, let the whole world adapts to you.

AQUARIUS (21.01. - 19.02.)

AQUARIUS should dispose of his personal life and free time, just as it is written in the novels of the old virgins: chat with friend, walking with her niece, dinner before the TV screen, tears over "soap romance"and the general cleaning in the output.Freedom of Aquarius should not occur in an open relationship with the male sex, and in the life principle: "What I want, I do."You know, there is a brilliant phrase, born out of the mouth of this lady: "Think of me as I am."

FISH (20.02. - 20.03.)

Well, RYBEHI - a song, a fairy tale.They are always late for dates, all forget - you have to come back for varnish or lipstick that is constantly hide, something to be hidden in their relationship: "I'm such a mystery!"Here, try me, Guess.Tip one: Be firmly believe that you are destined to be a lifetime.Pessimism, mastered by you, will do its work and will inevitably lead to a defeatist attitude, which, like your dull look, be sure scare any man.

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