«I know that children can not be beat, and corporal punishment - not the case.Yes I did it, and finger touch.You know what I'm doing?He was terribly afraid of the dark - so I had locked in the basement, turn off the lights and leave it there.You should have seen what he later becomes a silk! "- Is the story of his father, who led the survey six year old boy with a strong neurosis.
«Do not you believe it.Oh, I can see right through it, pretender.Purposely slowly unfasten the belt - not yet touch, and he was yelling, calling his mother to protect "- so says another father, distressed poor achievers son-third grader.
«I have a principle: do not praise until the son reaches perfection.But he never reached.I procto ensure that he had a sense of responsibility - and it is not! "- Such a statement begins its long story the father of three, greatly concerned about the behavior of eleven-year-son.- "It is a terrible bummer liar ignores bad marks, no punishment is not helping."
We quoted the three fathers, but that does not mean that mistakes and excesses in education - only the inheritance of their fathers.Cruelty, like the one which comes from the first above example, lack of understanding, which shows a second example of absurd principles on which there is based education in the third case, - all this in abundance, unfortunately, moms, grandparents, uncles andother caregivers.
us think more deeply on the third case.It is not uncommon, and perhaps many parents find themselves in this story.Already this is enough for a more thorough analysis.
Father argues that the punishment does not help, and he came to consult, if there is such a punishment that affects her son.From the mother and the boy himself, we learned that my father really never compromise its principles.
any endorsement and praise.Father believes that the boy "all shall be able" and there is nothing to expect from his father for help and advice.Father meticulously controls homework and assignments, which gives himself;trouble is, if an error is detected.
boy escapes this control, as it can.Thus he starts lessons, school grades are deteriorating.Accordingly, increased paternal requirements stricter father furiously in his control - and that's ready to launch a family disaster.
While there is no doubt that the intention of his father's blessing, the boy he cherishes and wishes to raise him as best as possible.
What this says a psychologist?
To start let's ask ourselves, what is the penalty.The head immediately climbs the memory of a child received more clout or house arrest for carelessly scrawled homework, or for a prank.
But surely remember and friends, whose slap been commonplace since poured right and left, and no "home prison" could not get them to be careful to write.
For punishment - it does not act on the part of punishing, but what happens in punish the child.The fact that in doing so he is going through.From the point of view of psychology, it is well known to all the unpleasant, oppressive sense of shame and humiliation, which wants to get rid of as soon as possible and never worry.
So it is with the promotion.The award - this is not always what we think that, and what is perceived as encouraging the child.Pleasant, uplifting satisfaction thing for which people praise dear to us.
pleasure from what we like and sympathize with us.Of course, this sense of want to keep longer and more often to experience in the future.
So, the question of how to distribute punishment and encouragement, we will not give the exact answer, as both should account for each child."How many boxes on the ear, and how much candy."The educational problem is there is not quantity, but in relation to the child is punished and rewarded.
This is a deeply personal, individual thing caregiver and child, it focused all that binds and unites them.It is important how to build their relationships, how they are emotionally close to each other!That the punishment had its effect, the child must experience a sense of guilt.
He needs to realize that it somehow broke the good relationships with parents or other caregivers.Without this sense of punishment - just an open act of violence, wanton torment, or a waste of energy.
It is not education.Worse, all excited in the child negative emotional charge drawn against those who so "cold blood" punishes.Mentor is in the role of supervisor, which he had hewn guilty, but he no guilt can not see.
Teachers argue that the penalty has a triple meaning.Firstly, it should rectify the harm caused by bad behavior.And the child is obliged to remove carelessly scattered things to fix possible fractured or broken thing out of their pocket money at least partially offset the cost caused anyone harm.
Secondly, the punishment helps to ensure that such acts are not repeated.It is daunting, awesome sense of what we have said.
But the third, and, apparently, the main value is to remove guilt."Guilty" is a certain alienation barrier, the uncertainty in their relations with the guilty.
Coming punishment should wash the guilt.Thus it is seen in the punishment element of supreme justice, which recognizes and accepts the guilty.
It follows that if we punish a child because of his own impatience and bad temper, and because finding us bouts of anger, then your health, we slightly improved, but, in terms of education, our behavior is not only at odds withpurpose, but also harmful.
child suffers a minute, maybe crying, asking for forgiveness, but his conception of justice is not fit and he does not feel the necessity of guilt, there is no relief and a lesson for the future.
And what about the promotion?It is both more effective educational tool.If only punishment stops the bad action, it focuses on the promotion of good and fixes them.
Under the promotion can not be understood candy, soccer ball or a bicycle for school success.The best reward for a child - the knowledge that he brought joy to your loved ones as a gift symbolizes this bargain only.
Where the main character becomes an end in itself, and where it makes a child behave well - in the family there is something wrong.
If for any mistake a child will be punished and nothing more, the child will not learn proper behavior.In addition, he will be afraid of the one who punishes, seek to deceive him, to avoid punishment.
No reproach and punishment is not to make the school more attractive for the less gifted child.But if for every little success to praise and encourage him, there was hope that it would work with pleasure and fully.
And now a little about the other.Rewards and punishments - basic educational facilities.This means that with their help we reach certain educational goals.The purpose of punishment, so not to drown the wicked, and save and pull!The method for this - forgiven!
boy from an orphanage by comparing the richer orphanage with poorly equipped, nevertheless gave preference to the poor, because, according to him, there is "us for bad behavior punish the boss, and the director will intercede for us."
At first glance, this behavior of professionals, educators seem nepedagogichno, inconsistent and even meaningless.
But in that situation, the children enjoy that it's not a weakness, but in the attachment to them and understand what they lacked in other orphanages.Besides, the boss and the director were the spouses and their children's home, in today's sense, it would be called "family-type children's home."What family does not stand up for children just as those two caregivers at the orphanage!
Forgiveness - is not a reward, a relief from tension fault, expected or already received punishment.It is, in fact, - reconciliation.Like any exemption, remission creates good feelings to the Liberator.Only then the child will love punishing father or mother, and experience new offenses as the desire to improve, to reconcile, to behave well in the future.
But here should avoid extremes.Nothing ever forgive is senseless, inhuman, antipedagogichnoe behavior.It only deepen the gulf between teacher and child.
But always willing to forgive all - means to lose the authority and ability to influence the child.So here, judgment and understanding of the individual qualities of the child will be our best guide.
Father of the naughty boy, about which we began these reflections, we can not advise how to choose the punishment - it just stands to revise their "principles".They had non-life, ineffective, antipedagogichny, and the poor boy just stated in his stubborn resistance.
these principles, ultimately destructive for the teacher, for deprived of his ability to have a positive influence on the boy, and on the other hand, allows you to experience the joy and satisfaction of the teacher.
Articles Source: portal-woman.ru
