We often smile when we are sad, we do not show fear when shaking knees, holding back a laugh when you want to laugh.Many of us - the real masters of concealment of feelings and emotions.Why is this happening, why do we need a mask "neprobivaemosti" and how to manage their emotions
mouths of babes
hard to imagine a child to think about whether to laugh or cry, as it will react.When hurt or scared, baby breaks out in a loud roar, as if the fun - is to laugh, showing his toothless mouth.In children, there is no need to conceal the feelings of others.Growing up, we lose this skill.Wear a mask, do not allow to rejoice and to be angry when there is reason to be gentle with those who ask.
Anger and resentment
You probably know the situation: Head chastised you for the "offense" does not try to understand, you suppress the desire to express the boss what they think, go home and arrange a "dressing down" family.Or like this: on the job you have had an awkward relationship with the team, but you do not react to the comments.I try to pretend that all is well, even if the inside is about to happen "volcanic eruption".
Reason: hide emotions makes us fear the public reaction.We do not want to pass brawler unbalanced Hammami.When it comes to working moments, the fear of dismissal.It seems that to wear a mask of imperturbability profitable.
Solution: not necessarily pose a sugar bowl, to prove a point.It is not necessary to explain the raised tones boss that he is wrong.But the unsociable, too bad.Try as an alternative to a constructive conversation.Tell the boss that frustrates you, explain to a colleague that offends you.This approach will help you not only to save face, but also create a positive atmosphere at work: you go there without fear of a dirty trick.
Resentment
unspoken resentment - a ticking time bomb.We cling to the situation, "cheat" themselves offended, but insults do not show.We do not give the offender the opportunity to understand what he is accused.Accumulating discomfort, communication is no longer made up as we would like.
Reason: many believe that resentment - a lot of kids in the sandbox squabbling.Deep down, stuck a belief that the offended carry water, it is not serious."Serious" and adult uncles and aunts, we say to ourselves: "I do not mind, I take note", but "worm of doubt" had settled in his heart.
Solution: talk.Hush unprofitable for mental health.Walk through the (far-fetched?) Pride and tell the offender that you hurt.Perhaps what offended you - just a figment of your imagination.
Joy
My friend was surprised to look at those who are in public places will not be still: laughing, waving his hands and throws himself on the neck at the meeting."How can you?It is indecent! "Anya prefers restrained smile shyly waved or nod in agreement.She is sure that he knows how to control their emotions, but many consider it to be clamped and false.
Reason: many years we have heard: "We must be humble, educated."The literal understanding of these mandates, complexities with its own attitude to what is happening makes us quiet and "invisible".
Solution: is not a recommendation to laugh out loud in the library, since you took the path of expressing feelings.But it is necessary to allow to rejoice when I want to, do not hesitate to show others that you are happy.The unspoken joy may eventually turn into a depression.Strange surprising that, despite the fact that life is full of pleasant things, "Nothing pleases."
affection, sympathy
How many times we were not allowed in the lives of those who would like to see there?Hundreds.We are afraid of the idea of convergence.Proschityvaya possible scenarios, we are leaning toward the negative and build between himself and the object invisible wall.
Reason: fear that there will be reciprocity.We are afraid of being rejected.Usually, it is based on bad experiences: perhaps your parents were not happily married, someone betrayed you personally, and now you "blow on the water."
Solution: in the world is indifferent and not all will be greeted with a sense of gratitude.But the sincerity and love it too.Maybe now is the case?
Fear
We are all afraid of something.Death, ghosts, dark, spiders, heights, is unknown.The list is great.But for some reason many of us refuse to admit that they are afraid of, say, fly in the water or go for an interview for the head of a large and important.Clutching the armrests of the aircraft seats, we forced a smile, referring to the fact that we love to sunbathe, but not swim and did not try to stop worrying before the interview, and cheerfully chop learned from the summary line is more like not a valuable specialist, and a schoolgirl in the exam.
Reason: as paradoxical as it may sound, but we hide the fear, afraid to seem vulnerable.Not just fear, fear and fear.The downside - a set of Superman: I can do everything, everything is subject to me, there is nothing I can not break.
Solution: Superman - a fictional character, and we are ordinary people with a full range of feelings.Invulnerability - it is rather a result of the struggle with fears, not playing hide and seek with them.Even the recognition of herself - "yes, I am afraid of drowning, because not able to control everything" - may become easier.Perhaps, then, you do not have to give for a birthday skydiving, knowing that you are afraid of heights.
pride for his services
How often in response to the praise of his superiors you say, "Thanks, I tried very hard," "I'm glad I managed, it was hard," "I appreciate that you noticed and grateful"?If almost always, you can skip this step.Many difficult to accept that praise is truly deserved, it is the result of work, and now you hear something that should have been.Modestly downcast eyes, we mutter: "Oh, nothing ...".It seems to be a trifle, but one develops your sense of self.To change something, you have to try to answer the question - how to learn to control your emotions - not only in terms of control over them.
Reason: «nose up", "conceited", "show off" - is wrong.So we used to think.It is believed that modesty adorns the man.In some cases, no doubt.But not when you have done the work for which get praise.
Solution: you have done something important and necessary.The man told you "thank you", he expects his gratitude to find a response.Do not underestimate the merits, straightens his shoulders, and rejoice that overcame another barrier.
tenderness and affection
We are hard as a rock, we can all - even move mountains, but hug and kiss for no reason a child or loved one can not do everything."I unkind" - so say about themselves."It is easier to show love deeds than to arrange calf tenderness" - explain the behavior of those who also want to heat the hands of relatives and loved ones eye sight.
Reason: a lot of them - education, fear of opening the soul to another, remove the mask of equanimity, the fear of being misunderstood.It seems that the expression of affection - a weakness.As if only the image of the invincible person can be viable.
Solution: no matter what was the reason for the inability to express affection, try to rethink it.The fact that you were not affectionate enough, says not so much that you do not need it now, and vice versa.Mask strong and unflappable man is not always good, even at work, but at home it inhibits your need for love and care.
We suffer because we can not fully express emotions.Remember how many times you lose in a situation, and only then understood that it was necessary to say so-and-so, do not be afraid to explain his point of view.How to manage emotions and feelings when the situation itself arises from the fact that power over them is lost?Sometimes we are aware that they themselves did someone hurt when it's getting late and time irretrievably lost.
Many of the problems were solved would be easier if we knew how to correctly address and talk about that in my soul.It should at least once try to tell the offender that you hurt, or to say "thank you" to a compliment to feel happier.
Question expression of feelings - one of the main in psychotherapeutic practice.Most of the problems arise from the fact that a person hides a sense of himself.This leads to difficulties with building relationships, satisfaction with life and health.Work with the emotional background is very important.
to learn to express feelings, you need to start to learn to find those feelings and identify, understand the motives, be sensitive to yourself.You can use the body and because it reflects the feelings sensations.When you realize that feel a little problem with the expression becomes simpler.
To overcome installation and will have to cope with the shame that accompanies emotions.Shame - the manifestation rather useless, but from it can not escape, so you should try to express feelings, despite the embarrassment.Or pronounce it, then it decreases.This also applies to other so-called negative emotions (bad feelings do not exist, all are equally important).When we pronounce the difficult experiences, they become weaker.
learn how to find and express feelings - not an easy task.But in the future this will allow a better understanding of themselves and others, have more fun and live in harmony.
Articles Source: psylive.ru
