mother in law ... how much of this sound!It is said that this word is translated from the ancient Slavic language means "own blood", that is, the man who became a mother.For someone - a fantasy, and for someone - a happy reality.Is it possible to achieve this?Try to understand.
What if the relationship does not add up?
is beginning to understand the reasons.Of course, the situation may be different, but in practice it is often the cause of confrontation and daughter-in-law is the struggle for man.The man who has to one of them his son, and the other - her husband.
external cause for quarrels can be different: "You are a bad hostess", "Why in-law occurred to dig potatoes just when we were going on a picnic?" "My son has not got used to eat sandwiches!" Etc.In most cases, mutual rejection is, on the one hand, the fear of loneliness, a feeling of uselessness, abandonment stress of that changed lifestyles.On the other hand - the desire to assert themselves, firmly occupy their position in the recently established his own family.
How to establish peaceful relations with her mother in law?
first moment - take for granted the fact that it is really significant, not only for the identity of her husband, but also for you.
Of course, you have the right to their own opinion about a particular person ... but still worth to show respect to the wife of her mother at least for the fact that she presented to the world (and you do) such a wonderful man!This - the first, though, perhaps the most difficult moment in the path to understanding.
second moment - the battlefield.
Often the husband becomes a buffer between a wife and mother.Both complain to him at each other and calling for action.As a result, often quarrel began between mother-in-law, and goes into a scandal between husband and wife.And it is dangerous.
To avoid such a turn of events should proceed as follows:
• what you do not like the behavior-law, it is better to tell her personally, bypassing the "intermediaries".At the same time, try to be correct, and use "I-statements."It is desirable that your claim contained a statement of the facts of the situation and their feelings ("When you ... I hate / hurt / not like ...").This will avoid going to the individual and further buildup quarrel.
• if you want to throw out their emotions and feelings, it is preferable to pour out his heart friend.Whatever trust your relationship with her husband, in this case it is not the best advisor.Do not forget that the man who for you now is an opponent - for his own mother.To put it in front of a choice: "Whose side are you on?" - Is driven into a deadlock.This can lead to more conflicts.
• Do not attach too much importance to the claims.Sometimes they are really exaggerated and have the character of quibbles.But despite this, try to find the strength to be gracious and wise.It can help good joke, translating philosophical conversation in the direction, suddenly appeared "urgent" matter ... These methods in most cases reduce the conflict to an end.In addition, diplomacy and decent behavior will improve your ranking in the eyes of others.
marks the boundary
In addition, in some cases, it makes sense not to avoid quarrels imposed and "to take the fight."Open confrontation may contribute to the alignment of the new position in the family, the establishment of clear boundaries between parents and adult children, the approval status of the young husband and wife.But it is important, first of all, do not cross the line, and secondly, do not turn the conflict into a protracted war.Winning it will not.But the losses are obvious to all participants.
You can also set the boundaries with respect to family peacefully.To do this calmly and firmly make it clear that you are now - another "cell of society" that can exist independently.Decisions are taken together, build together the plans themselves determine to whom and when to seek advice.Here are possible manipulation by relatives.Well, "keep the defense".This is a test of strength of your new family.
third moment: how to build bridges?
Choice of ways and means of establishing peaceful relations depends on the characteristics of the particular situation.Maybe in-law feels abandoned after leaving her son in a new family?Then it is necessary to pay more attention to it, take care.And it is not necessarily long-term visits and detailed conversations.You can talk on the phone, send greetings, to show interest in business, give small little presents for no reason.Sometimes miracles are able to create simple phrases: "How are you feeling?", "Everything will be fine," "You're doing fine," "We love you."Perhaps motivated by the fear of the mother-son: "Will he be happy with your wife?"?
Try to show her mother the wife of his love for him, often hug, kiss surrounding warmth and affection.If it is clearly satisfied that his beloved son's love, care and cherish - tension will subside.Often mother-driven need to be desired.It seems to be a good desire, but it often causes problems.Then come to the aid of your requests and prosbochki, questions, referrals, etc.To satisfy her desire to be popular, you will be able to arrange in-law to her.
In addition, some moms sons after marriage disappears the meaning of life: they have nothing to do, nothing to strive for ... In this case, you can search and offer some hobby: photography, embroidery, hiking, cooking, collecting, and so on.d.A good option - to give a puppy or kitten (unless, of course, the mother in law loves animals).
fourth moment: A look into the future.
Try to mentally travel back to the future and introduce ourselves as a mother in law.How you behave, what you say, what you feel and what you want?What do you need?To strive for?What is your problem?What motivates you?How would you resolve conflicts with the daughter?What would you advise her?This exercise helps to rise slightly over the situation, look at it from the outside, to distract and "cool."After all, we are all humans.A man is known, there is not perfect and can make mistakes.And if not forgiveness - to reach an understanding it would be hard.
Articles Source: resnichka.ru
