is hardly a man who would not have to at least once in a lifetime experience jealousy.This feeling is strong, not always controlled, and usually accompanied by unpleasant feelings.
Where does the jealousy that brings with it?There is it because of the fear of losing a loved one, or it is nothing like the feeling of ownership?Perhaps jealousy is a constant companion of love and, therefore, it is necessary to accept as inevitable?But why so painfully her arms, so its power is destructive?Is it possible to get rid of jealousy and, if so, how?
We all want to be only for their loved ones.This is quite natural desire.Well, someone tell me, would feel comfortable if they are neglected because of the other person?Therefore, jealousy arises quite naturally, for it is when the real reason.However, there are cases when people are jealous baseless, harassing others and tortured themselves - and do not know how to deal with jealousy, putting the relationship on the verge of collapse ...
Where does jealousy?
In most cases, jealousy arises because of distrust, and not only to the partner (and it happens), but first of all to himself.Comparing himself with actual or potential rival, jealous, as a rule, a low score their chances: "This lady smarter / nicer / better read / taller ... And suddenly he'll like it?" Here lies the reason for jealousy!Low self-esteem - the root of evil for all jealous.That lack of confidence produces similar thoughts: "Somebody better than me, so I may well be neglected ...»
A ratio between the self and attitude towards others can draw a parallel.People who do not love themselves, are usually not very well apply to the others.They are picky, touchy, quarrelsome, closed.What's the connection with jealousy?Very straight.As we have seen, jealous low values himself.As low he appreciates and others, assuming that they are capable of infidelity, deceit and betrayal.
But as you know, he who seeks finds.And, unfortunately, often it happens: harassing partners zeal for frivolous or exaggerated ailments, jealous, unwittingly provoke them to commit adultery.This happens because the relationship in an atmosphere of constant nagging and scandals worsen, because of what the couple with time away from each other.Besides baseless accusation causes a reaction of protest.To prove his personal freedom, the right to do what you want, and "that was not sorry," revnuemye spouses may have affairs "on the side."
jealous desire in whatever was to control the situation is quite understandable.But instead of the desired calm and confidence total control over your loved one often leads to the opposite result.There is a following systemic effect: the more one partner is "catching up" of another (for example, requires detailed reports on where, with whom and how long was he was doing, track conversations, meetings, constantly expresses his suspicions, fears, requiring a justificationand assurances of integrity, etc.), the more the other wants to "run away."This distancing may take even excessive forms (for example, overnight stay with friends without warning, sudden business trip, etc.)
Jealousy can really destroy a relationship!
But, first of all, it adversely affects the person, so it is necessary to deal with jealousy.Jealous difficult to trust other people, and they often do not believe in their own abilities.As a result, such people are anxious, suspicious, can not relax, often in a bad mood, which drains their resources and have a negative impact on the relations with partners.
effort to take the jealousy under control, it should be remembered that it is irrational.It is difficult to control, it is not easy to cope with, especially when it comes to significant person.How to determine the distinction between explicit and far-fetched, to understand their own feelings and not allow that jealousy poisoned life, to get rid of jealousy, once and for all?
Psychologists offer to deal with jealousy use the following methods:
Firstly, should clarify its expectations and the expectations of a partner, discuss the prospects of future relations and future plans.For example, if a guy sees this alliance as something temporary, then it can not burden themselves with any obligations, including not be faithful.And if this girl perceives the relationship seriously, there is nothing surprising in the fact that it will be him jealous.
Secondly, advisable to discuss with a partner acceptable form of behavior.What is normal for one to another can be indecent.Hence - the suspicions, reproaches, up to accusations of infidelity ... And in response - confusion, resentment and protest reactions.
Thirdly, need to provide yourself and partner private psychological space.This is an opportunity to be alone with yourself, doing things you love affairs, chat with friends, to "grow" as a professional.Then do not be too strong emotional dependence on a partner, "dissolution" in it, obsession with his feelings, which is fertile ground for the emergence of jealousy.So often it happens with housewives, young mothers who have limited social circle, and narrowed the scope of interest.
Fourth, very important to have common interests.Common Cause, talks and discussions on topics of interest to both bring together partners to help get to know each other, promote mutual understanding.
And fifthly, need to love, appreciate and respect themselves.After all, the attitude of others depends on how a person refers to himself as a person presents to the world.Calm, self-reliance, self-sufficiency are of interest in others.These people are attractive, desirable, pulling them to communicate over and over again, they do not want to "lose".Conversely, those who have a low self value, often provoke treated accordingly, "Where is he / she going to go away from me?Wait, understand, forgive ... "And at the same time suffer from jealousy, often quite reasonable.
Thoughtful Following these tips will help get rid of jealousy, at least, significantly reduce its negative impact.But do not forget that jealousy can "bloom" again, so often try to evaluate their actions Eyes.If you wish to get rid of mutual jealousy, then most likely, the result will not be long in coming.
fair to mention that there is another point of view on the importance and role of jealousy.Metaphorically speaking the language, jealousy - a kind of seasoning.In small "doses" it "revives" attitude, making them more vivid, adds the spark of intrigue, mystery ... But if it is a lot, it brings only harm, as well as a large number of spices spoil the dish.
Articles Source: resnichka.ru
