selection of curious and authentic (!) Radio communications between pilots and air traffic controllers aircraft control towers.
Tower: - To avoid noise, stray, please, at 45 degrees to the right.
Pilot: - What's the buzz we can create here at 35,000 feet?
tower: - Rumble, if your 737 will face going ahead 727!
*** Tower - You Airbus 320 or 340?
Pilot: - Of course, the A340!Tower: - Then maybe be so kind as to run before the start of the remaining two engines?
** Pilot: - Good morning, Bratislava.
Tower: - Good morning.For your information, says Vienna.
pilot: - I go to land in Bratislava.
Tower - There really Vienna.
Pilot: - Vienna?
Tower - Yes
Pilot: - But why?We need to Bratislava.
Tower: - Okay!Then stop approach and fly left
*** Tower pilot who made painfully tough landing: - Planting should not remain a secret.Passengers should feel no fear that they are already at the bottom.
Pilot: - A nonsense.They're still always applauded.
*** Pilot "Alitalia", whose lightning strike paralyzed half of the instrument:
- We have almost everything went wrong.Nothing works.Even our altimeter shows nothing ...
pilot another ship:
- Shut up and die like a man!*** Tower - Do you have problems?
Pilot: - lost my compass.
Tower - no wonder.So how do you fly, you can lose all the devices.
*** Tower - After landing, please parked on taxiways Alpha7, Alpha 5, Whiskey 2, Delta 1 and 2.
Ossar Pilot: - Where is all this?We are not guided.
Tower - I do not know, I've only the second day here
*** Pilot: - Request permission for takeoff
Tower: - Sorry, we do not have your flight plan.Where are you going to fly?
Pilot: - As every Monday, to Salzburg.
Tower - But today, after Tuesday!
Pilot: - What?Then we have the day off.
*** Tower - height and location?
Pilot: - During my meter eighty, sitting in front of the right.
*** Tower pilot, private traders: - And who have you on board?
Driver: - The pilot, two passengers and a dog.
Tower, after a rather hard landing aircraft: - I think the dog was sitting at the helm?
*** Tower - Do you have enough fuel or not?
Pilot - Yes
Tower: - What, are you?
Pilot: - Yes, sir !!!
*** Tower - Tell us, please, your estimated time of arrival.
Pilot: - Hmmmmmmm ... I would have made a good Tuesday.
- board №5767!lane 9, the wind .., visibility, and so on ...(With Russian accent)
- Tower!5767 The board took the band 5 ..... (with an Indian accent)
- Bort 5767!The band 9 !!!!!!!!!!
-you understand, lane 5!
*** D: "Bead XXX, it seems that you have opened one of the hatches luggage compartment"
P: "Oh, thank you, the tower, but you probably took for the luggage compartment hatch hatch of our auxiliary power unit"
D: "Okay, take off authorize"
D: "Bead XXX, uh-uh ... looks like from your auxiliary power unit started leaking luggage ..." *** L "Follow up one band or three."
P: "Okay, to strip the three-one."
A: "The answer is wrong, but it's a good idea ... I changed my mind, to follow the band three one ..." ***
manager approach (woman) has just passed the board controller range (men), coordinating land.
P: "We are 12 miles north-west of the strip 5."
D: "You understand, between you and the airport, everything is clean, allow the approach to the line on the strip 5."
II (by inertia after talking with a female manager): "Permission to land straight on the strip 5, thanks MADAME ..."
D: "Bead-so, you just call me madam! Planting straightforbid, stop the decline, to maintain the current altitude, it's your turn to land in 20 minutes. "*** D: "Bead XXX, you crossover board 6 miles, the direction of 10 hours."
P: "Give another landmark in my digital clock."
*** Manager tries to locate the student pilot lost in the air after a long flight.
D: "What was your last known position?"
P: "When I was second in line to take off."*** DC-10 landing in excess of the recommended rate, can not slow down and rolling on a long strip.
D: "Bead-so, at the end of an energetic band make a right turn. This, of course, if you can. If you can not, take the exit from the airport on the road, at the crossroads turn around and head back to the airport."
*** German pilot of Lufthansa at Munich Airport asks in German from ground controllers estimated time of departure.
D (in English): "If you want to hear the answer, you must ask in English."
P (English): "I am a German, and a German plane piloted'm in Germany. Why should I have to speak in English?"
him with a perfect English accent answers anonymous pilot of another aircraft:
- Because you lost the second world!
*** P: "Tower, when we took off, we saw at the far end of the strip for a dead animal."
D: "Bead awaiting takeoff, did you hear?"
pilot waiting for takeoff, "I heard. We have already informed our caterer."
*** Land Manager-woman on the verge of hysteria:
- board in 2771, where the hell are you going?I told you to turn on the taxiway "C", you turned on the "D"!You do not distinguish C from D?Lord, you are my all in a bunch of mixed!Stay where you are and do not move until I tell you what to do!About half an hour I start to give you instructions on how to steer, and I want you to heading exactly where I say, when I say and how I say!You clear in 2771 ??
After this tirade in the air, for obvious reasons, there was silence, which after some time has broken voice of a pilot:
- Say, is not you I was once married?
*** Time to noon, on the ground has accumulated a pile of aircraft awaiting takeoff clearance.
P: "Tower, this" Alitalia-1234 ", you have to have good news?
A:" Yes.I have a birthday coming up ... "*** Stuttgart Airport.
D:" Lufthansa 5680, reduce your speed to 170 knots "
P:" Well, just like in Frankfurt.There, too, one of the two - or 210, or 170 ... but nothing we humans flexible "
D:" We too.Reset the speed to 173 knots ... "
*** Pilot 747" United Airlines "tries to joke with the air controller in Sydney, Australia.
P:" Good morning, Sydney, is "United XXX", we are in50 miles, and see your island ... "
D:" Got you, "United" ... allow the island to fly twice, after which you can go for a landing "
*** Manager - pilot-American:
-reduced to 6000 feet, the atmospheric pressure at the level of the airport in 1011 millibars.
- you might not translate to inches of mercury?
- Okay, reduced to 72 thousand inches of mercury pressure 1011 mb ...
*** Civil aircraft chartered by the Ministry of Defense, the queue waiting to take off.
D: "Bead XXX, call your destination"
P: "That's classified information"
D: "Bead XXX continue to wait for yourqueue "
P:" Uh ... well a long time to wait? "
D:" That's classified information ... "
*** over Germany.
D - Aircraft Italian airline "Alitalia XXX answer dispatcher" Silence.
D: "Alitalia XXX answer dispatcher"
D: "Alitalia XXX?"
anonymous pilot with a German accent: "They've seem spontaneous strike"
*** over England.
D: "Air France 123, switch on the frequency of ground controllers, and good luck in today's football match between France and England"
Anonymous English pilot of another aircraft, "do not understand, are you serious ?!"
D: "And then, I'm Irish"
D "737, do you see ahead of you Airbus?"737: "That's right, see"
Pilot Airbus, joking: "Tower, the amendment: you want to say" in front of you beautiful Airbus ".
D" 737 to follow the band one of eight beautiful Airbus '737'Uh ... um ... well, follow this strashnobusom to strip one-eight ... "
*** transport aircraft chartered to transport to Ireland of a rare species of bustards (the size of a small bird partridge), is onloading. In addition to the cell with the birds on board the ship as the SUV "Land Rover".
P: "Georgia bustards and" Land Rover "reception"
D: "Uh ... I understand you correctly?You - laden with firewood "Land Rover" ??
*** A female pilot, in one breath, without commas: "The tower is ready for takeoff!"
D: "I hope not ..."
*** The pilot of Italian "Alitalia", breaking through the interference:
- this is Italy in 1234, requesting authorization to change a tier.
- Uh ... genitals 1234 occupied level 230.
- Good God, sir!We "Alitalia" And, EL, I, FC, A, EL and I !!
Articles Source: RUNET