Almost everyone adheres to the lifetime of certain principles that can be adjusted depending on the situation.One of these can be called specially created in the imagination of the tab titled: "What can not be forgiven."
talk in this article on the subject.What is forgiveness, that forgiveness is possible and necessary, and that - is impossible, as the abuser will cause a blow again.In addition, we will discuss what you can not forgive guys and girls when it comes to relationships.
What is forgiveness
Anyone who professes any religion, knows that forgiveness is a matter of charity and correct.It is considered improper to wear a grudge, but even more wrong action is an act of vengeance.The best thing you can do if you are hurt - it's just a man, and let the situation, that is, stop and think about it over and over again to beat.
Probably each of us understands forgive - it is right and good, but this is not always possible.
Why we do not want to forgive people?
reasons for this may be several.So, one of the most common - we like to be disappointed.That is, we have caused some damage infringed our dignity, have pity on us!And if there is no one to spare, do not - I'll just go and savor the insult like a slice of sour lemon.
second reason lies in the impossibility of forgiveness itself.That is, we have certain principles that determine the value of our personality.For example, we say to ourselves: "This is all I am beautiful, I can not improve on the voice!" And then life brings us to a man who did not know about us, and this truth, "overlaid" we have a three-story floor-mat.Forgive him - cross through its own principles, and it is quite difficult to do.
third reason may be that, what kind of offense we have caused.What if she is incommensurable, according to our ideas, with what?It is one thing - to forgive the person who hit you, or humiliated.It is possible, though not easy.Is it possible to forgive the person who took the life or health of a loved one, willy-nilly?Is it possible to forgive the doctor committed a medical error or driver accidentally shot down a pedestrian?Let's talk about this further and find out what can not be forgiven and to forgive is necessary.
about self-esteem
you very well know yourself, is not it?What is it you love, and that - no.Where you grew up, we studied and worked.Make friends with anyone who did not like and would like to meet someone as its second half.The set of all these feelings, memories and mental images is your "I" or ego.Imagine you suddenly lost their memory in an accident.You come to yourself, look in the mirror and see your reflection ... You know - it's you, but who are you?
Memories like erased.It turns out, we take our daughter, and we lost ourselves?No, not true - we lose our self-image, and nothing more.
now about principles.All your dogma, ideas and rules are the same components willfully "I".You created them, carefully fashioned and carry with you to ensure that your identity has been as complete as possible.The more you tell us about yourself, the better person you are.So, you know, the question: "What can not forgive a man?" The answer is "simply everything is possible.The only problem is the desire to do it. "If you just for a second go beyond your ego, you know: you do not have principles and rules, and you can pardon in his mind even their executioners.
Why we are taught self-esteem and pride
about what can not be forgiven, we tell the parents in the upbringing.This is done with a good purpose - to protect babies from bugs.After all, everyone should have a sense of their dignity, self-love.My mother does not want her daughter to suffer from the fists of her husband in the future.My father did not wish his son, that he cheated on his wife.Therefore since childhood, each bears in mind the Pandora box titled: "What you can never forgive."Note casket closed.Parents tell us that can not be forgiven, but did not disclose the card to the end: what would happen if you still forgive the abuser? ..
Therefore, every man knows that it is impossible to forgive the woman, and every woman keeps in mind the scheme, which itnot forgive his handpicked successor, and so on.Most often these principles are hard as flint, and break them tantamount to treason itself.
What can not be forgiven, "Ask" -list
Let's make a list of the most critical situations and acts, which are very difficult to forgive, if not impossible:
- affront to human dignity or humiliation.
- physical violence.
- Treason, treason.
- Chance, which had tragic consequences.
- intent to harm, which led to the tragic events.
As you can see, there is always something worse than what has already happened, and that "can not be forgiven."For example, some unfortunate publicly berated and humiliated chief.Man vows to himself never to talk with him and consider him enemy number one.
But if the evening the same poor guy finds out that he has changed and wife, the morning the situation with the boss does not seem so sad.Operations already can be forgiven, but his wife became persona non grata in the soul of this man.Go ahead.Agree that the same betrayal not seem too strong grief compared to four or five points.
this thought experiment suggests that the category of "What can not be forgiven" is relative and may change your mind.You - full owner of his principles and beliefs.Therefore, only you can decide whether to forgive the offender.
Learning to forgive
not be able to forgive - it's like for her and so hard life Burden pop occasionally hefty stones.Have you noticed what is happening in the mind with the "unforgiven", and therefore unresolved situations?Many "pulled" from kindergarten memories of how they hurt, teased.Next in life - even more resentment.They accumulate and increase in size at the same time generating complexes and negative expectations of others."I hurt so many times - so I am a loser.Weak people.If I was good, I would not have betrayed so many times. "
Trust (and check) that is simple - it is the simplest and most natural thing you can do in response to the offense.So we learn from the Bible and the Church.What can not be forgiven?From a Christian perspective, such acts do not.You can forgive everything!
Accept imperfection offender.I understand that he is only human.He has his fears, outlook on life, complexes.May hurt you, he just wants to get out of its quagmire, be higher, albeit dishonestly, at your expense.Forgive him.Wish him luck, because people are not satisfied and happy and did not wish to cause another's nothing wrong.And you will see that the situation will be resolved, that if you load subsides, you will be easy!But the abuser will go out of your life, or apologize, if your loved one.
«forgive - this is my favorite rakes»
have heard from women who regularly beat their husbands, that they understand why this is happening?Like, my mother told them long ago that you can not forgive a man of violence, and they are such-sos, forgive, and therefore suffer.How does this fit in with the theory that you need to forgive?
It's very simple!Forgiveness is necessary, and even necessary.But the act of forgiveness, alas, does not make the offender a saint.If you are simply wrong treason or aggressive - a beating, you will protect yourself not by arbitrariness of this man in the future.What to do?Weigh sober, what kind of person, and - most importantly - what place it occupies in your life.It may be better to forgive and forget ..., released on all four sides.
What can not be forgiven in the relationship
For example, did you know that your girlfriend you changed.You hurt, but you love her very much and therefore forgive, decide to be with her more.It takes a year and you will learn about the new infidelity.Well, you're wasting it simple?
Let something more precise.Simple - it does not mean re-enable a person to make a nasty towards you.Forgiveness means acceptance of the situation: "You're wrong, but I forgive you.You - only human, and therefore have the right to make a mistake. "So you have to think, if you did hurt.And continue to live with someone who beats you, name-calling or changes - is another matter.Most likely, the person belongs to life and to you personally is not the way you think is right.If you have been betrayed once, it is likely that this will be repeated.However, it is possible that this will not happen again.In general, what to do - you decide, but just need to be sure!
little more about the relationship
not ask more questions like: "What can not forgive a man?", As if the representative of a strong half of humanity - some separate subspecies.Every man is unique, each error - unique.What you do not come across very good "gentlemen," he says simply that you are progressing in the development and refuse to be content with little.
no less ridiculous sounding questions like: "What can not be just a girl?" Remember that you need to forgive a person, in any case, regardless of gender and age, and it is important not only for him but also for you.But whether to build a relationship with the abuser or disperse further - it is your conscious choice.In itself, the forgiveness of anybody is not binding.
What if a person is simply impossible?
There are things for which to forgive a person is not possible.It's easy to talk about how to let the world traitor or profanity, but there is misconduct, which is very difficult to forget.We are talking about accidents, accidents, negligence, not to mention the even greater evil - conscious crimes.How can we forgive the perpetrator, if the form of a man hiding behind a fiend?
Let's be honest: this is a complex topic.Perhaps you are not ready to read what we reported on, and, nevertheless, it is.Hating someone eats away at your soul.If you have caused great pain, you have only two options: dig into this trouble, experiencing it again and again, or afford to live on, let go of the situation.What to choose - it's only you, because you - the owner of his life.
How to forgive the crime and the offender?
word "criminal" comes from the word "cross" that is, it is the man who steps over the universal norm and forget about the value of human life and health.Such people exist and will likely always exist.We can not look them in the head, to read their minds, but if it could be done, then, by the assurance of psychologists would see a child there, that someone had once greatly offended, and he could not forgive.Now, perhaps, it's your turn to make a conclusion.But remember that forgiveness is necessary not to someone else, but only to you.
Summarizing
We may think that some things can not be forgotten, and resentment, but with the same success can just pick up and "let go" of the offender.Remember that simple - it does not mean to let him continue to mock you.Try to just take his imperfection, recognize that it is - a person who is entitled to make a mistake.However, do not confuse forgiveness with license.If the one who is hurting you, is that by its very nature - just leave it and go further on his way.
Another point that should not be forgotten.The longer you carry a cargo of grievances, and the harder it is, the worse for you.You lose the joy of life, your self-esteem drops.Forgive all those who you have ever hurt, release these people in my mind, and you will get an immediate relief.
