In all, even the most perfect relationship flashes sometimes thought: "What if this is all over?What if he throws me? ".Typically, this fleeting thought is easily forgotten as soon as you will glance into the eyes of the beloved.But sometimes the thought like a splinter - run up, tunic, hurts ...
general, fear of separation is completely normal.The fear of losing the person shows its value in your life.If you did not worry about the fate of some relationships are not afraid to offend people, not afraid to upset - most likely, this man you just do not care.Another thing is that this fear should not completely overshadow all other feelings and poison life.Intense fear makes its own rules, makes jealous, completely absorbs all thought, prevents receive pleasure from the relationship.
Such fear is at the emotional dependence.The fear of losing the relationship of emotional dependence is more like a horror.It is similar to the horror of a child whose mother throws.
interesting that when a person is afraid of emotional dependence is not to lose another person, and the relationship with him.The important relationships are, and not man.Not too important, he wants to "favorite" (or "favorite"), it is important that I want to be with him.I wish more of a liability or another way to manage them.
example, she tries to please the guy and go with him to a rock concert, but listen very different music.And she does this not because for her it does not matter where to go, and not because she wants to learn more about the interests of the guy, but because he is afraid of upsetting.Or, to create the appearance of - "we're so much alike," or in the case to say, "Well, I go to concerts with you, then you should ...".That is the inner world of the other, their interests, preferences, outlook on life - not particularly interested in an emotionally dependent person.The main thing - that was close to not quit.
In relatively healthy option awareness limbs relationship increases their value.When you realize that once the end is a great time, that once you leave - now experiences only strengthened.Fear of separation gives special value, particularly acute relations.Important becomes something real, something that is present here and now - smile of a loved one, a nice text message, an unexpected and pleasant surprise, a simple conversation over dinner, the evening stroll in the park.
When fear gets too strong separation is helpful to think: "What was I afraid of?»:
- left alone?
- heartache, after separation - a little death?
- Convictions friends or parents?
- What should I be ashamed of not being able to keep the relationship?
- feel that I am not worthy of love, I just give up?
reasons for fear may be one, and maybe a lot.As a rule, there is one thing - the worst thing.When it is clear that it is, you can try this fear to do something.For example, imagine the very worst option.Do not just think about it, and submit to the smallest details - as it can be, what I feel, what do I do, where I'm going, what you will wear, etc.The more clearly we realize that something present, the clearer it becomes a situation for us and the better we deal with it in reality.
When we are not afraid to imagine the worst option at least in the imagination - we have to deal with their fears.Remember the movie "The Village" - "one of whom can not speak?"When we think and talk about their fear - the fear diminishes.Then fear may go through.
And, of course, need to be mindful of their resources: about their experiences, about their personal qualities, the support of friends and loved ones.
Articles Source: psynavigator.ru