«I am nothing to anyone should be!" Come on ?!Really?Just do not tell lies - certainly have a list of who you're supposed to do.Being indebted to all - is often "karma" of older children in the family.It so happened that they, starting from infancy inspire "you're older," "strong," "Well you're smarter," "you have to take care of," "to give", "You are responsible for everything."It is named for a childhood invested a great sense of duty.And the blame if the debt occurred to not perform.
These people are heroes.They make great "rescuers for life."
Childhood passes all grow.And the "junior" is already quite capable of taking care of themselves, but they, and the "older" algorithm of interaction with the world and an understanding of how "we must live", remains the same for life.
«Older" often form such relationships in the family and the business, where they are always in the role of "giving."They used to be "adult", "strong", "all the achievers", "leading general line", "knowing where to go and why" and "responsible for everything and for everyone."
But sometimes even in their heroic heart breaks anger and bitter resentment: "And how long everything will go on my neck !?" appears very annoying feeling that no one will appreciate and accept all your help for granted.
course.How else?To get started is to understand: "What do you actually need and to whom, and on what basis?" Being a senior is not easy.
Another feature of the older children and now adults is naplevatelstvo on their own needs and desires.Since all of these desires, in the order of things, from childhood sacrificed to the interests of families and younger brothers and sisters developed a certain stereotype that want nothing for themselves can not.It can only be for someone.
Surely you met women who gave himself entirely to children, clothe them in the most fashionable clothes and on-conducting expensive clubs, it does not decide to buy yourself an extra pair of shoes.As if they live within the covenant of the great Russian woman: "I get along well.""I do what for.The main thing, Vanya and Varenka.To Zdorovenki were strong.Beautiful and smart.I ... it's ... interrupted. "
And it would seem, all is well.A caring mother, an altruist at work, socially responsible person.Everywhere one.All knowing.Always ready to help and to substitute strong shoulder.
But what's the deal?From what times so bitter, sad and hurt?Where this indescribable devastation and longing?Where own desires?What happened to them?Where to put them, if you can not afford to do anything?If "I" - the last letter in the alphabet?
That this woman is trying to do to others what you want for yourself.(But it is impossible to imagine!) Gives beautiful gifts, comes up with surprises, dresses up the daughter, the son of the best buys toys and lego wholesale and husband she gets what she would like him for himself.And waiting for that all these people are gifted with its generous hand, will appreciate its taste, intelligence and care about them.But usually not evaluated.
Why?Because whose wishes it carries?They Do?No.His own.As another way to feel beautiful, but to dress the daughter, she does not have.Or feel care, taking care of the other.Or at least to see the burning eyes of a friend when she unwraps so hard to found a gift.Feel the joy of others.Perhaps, and currently perepadet.
fairness, it should be said that such a feature to meet their needs by projecting them on others is found not only in older children.
man ascribes to their needs to others without realizing it as their own.
woman think that her daughter loves beautiful clothes.However, she does not notice that the girl is perfectly manages shorts and a pair of T-shirts.
She is ready to do "good works" without asking others, and whether they should have them in such numbers.
It is one of those people who loves his job, that he is ready to do it for free and for everyone who asks.
with burning eyes, she will rush to save all the afflicted and needy, again often with his personal bell tower.Vpahivayas seemingly for the sake of others.
It is an illusion.Such a big deception.Man thinks that he lives in the interests of others.Not really.He knows little about the interests of others.He sees only what they personally and attributed.
realized my interests and my needs - that's what I need, this is what I want for myself - a huge step, and is not immediately available.See all of this "charity" personal, projected onto other people's needs - a major achievement.
And the first step to achieving this could be a solution to the desires of other people interested.And was surprised to discover that they are different from your own personal views.
A second step - slowly began to usurp what was attributed to others.For example, to understand that I want to be beautiful, I wish that you admired and daughter left alone.Start to buy myself that wanted to buy a friend.Enroll guitar, where the son of hard to push.And buy all the same bike that was planned as a much needed husband, although it is perfectly comfortable with the car.
realize - what would you want to give these people?What is so necessary to you personally?
And the third step - no less complicated - learn to ask.Do not just talk about their needs and their present, and ask.It is difficult to understand.Strong did not ask for.Or call or silent, convinced that normal people and so everything will have to guess.
But we have come to the conclusion that all the guesswork - it's our personal projections, and to the real desires of the person may not have any relationship?Yes?
So do not wait for the other to navigate your desires based on their own projections.Say what you need.And ask for it.And then, perhaps, the first time people will be able to give you what you really want.
Articles Source: shkolazhizni.ru
