most progressive mom decided that we needed to "make friends with children" even thirty years ago, and now the epidemic has reached downright unprecedented scale.
experienced already boast the first results: "I am for your child - the best friend!He tells me, everything! "In such situations, confusion includes: at what point people thought that to be parents, Mom and Dad, worse than the" friend "?This has just three trends.
first story: the inability to be adults
People feel that the authoritarian style of parenting, peculiar to many previous generations, already losing ground, it just does not work in today's world with today's children.And so the parents are trying to invent something new in the relationship.
They have no idea how to be a parent and do not put pressure on the child, not to humiliate him, to respect its identity, and therefore is called, usually in general, adequate behavior, "friendship."But, in this friendship often go too far, it carries many dangers.
If before Mom and Dad go to far with pressure and short-change of empathy (empathy - empathy) and understanding.On the results of most of us can judge by his own childhood - but now, many went to the other extreme: give full whole lot at once, without being able to put a line between adult and children's understanding of the authority of life.
Normally, such vseponimayuschaya and forgiving friendship leads to the fact that mothers and girlfriends whine experts, telling how their "tame godovasiki" humiliate the three-year and sent to hell first-graders.
I held it in full, I myself, my brother - of these.I am a long time and really do not understand why my son is growing up in an atmosphere full of love and respect, boy, never cuffed for diapers, suddenly behaving like enraged monster.According to my calculations, he had to read and translate the patterns on my tact and courtesy.And he went crazy and loved his kindergarten governess, who drove the whole group formation and forced to fold clothes almost on the line.Child painfully thirsty ... no, not slaps on the pope, and the authority and self-control.
Therefore, by the way, so popular now theory and training about alpha-parenting where adults learn to be adults to make decisions in the face of severely configured three-year plan, to direct, not to beg, not to manipulate, not to sulk and not hysteria, if you can not...
be adults.You - the parent and the right to have.Yes, your grandmother would die of laughter, learning about your problems with the kids!Not to mention the grandfather.
Story Two: On a desperate infantile second reason follows from the preceding part.Only in the first case, people can not simultaneously be adults, but not be a dictator.In the second, they deliberately did not want to grow up.
About thirty years (and now and forties) are written millions of articles and studies.Jeans, T-shirts and kediki prints are the sons and the three-year and thirty-year Fathers and fifty-year "grandfather".Although many do not turn the language to call them "grandfathers".And, apparently, they have - too.So they are on friendly terms with his sons and grandchildren.Peer to peer!Fun!Democratically!Endless!
way, it rarely leads to the fact that the child grows out of freedom-loving and open to the world, respecting the person.Usually it turns gipertrevozhny neurotic, trying to control everything - because he adored and adoring parents this is clearly not able to do.
I had a colleague whose eleven-year-son writing sms-ki, "cutlets in a thermos in your bag, heat for dinner and do not forget about the parents' meeting today!" He walked into a serious school and worried that his mother would forget about the interviewwith the director.Again.Colleagues desperately sighed: well as razdolbayka such as ours Masha managed to grow so serious and responsible boy?But precisely because razdolbayka and girlfriend.There is no faith in the possibility of its parent the child was not.
Yes, for all that, it has a smart, good and responsible boy was endless allergic to everything, asthma, seizures, it is not clear what, very similar to epilepsy, angioedema, etc., etc., his years were taken to all kinds of research - and notWe could find the cause.
Then came an experienced neurologist - it turned out that ... yes, Psychosomatics: The only time my mother behaved like a mom and responsible adult - is when my son was sick and would collapse, panting on the floor.Here is his body and gave the title to at least this way to get from mom share strong concerns.
Story Three: Where are the boundaries of openness?
All of the above - the history of recent times, which almost was not in previous generations.And here is another cause for friendship with the children was quite common among our parents, and among us are now uncommon.
As always imagine "friendship with the children" promoting her parents?Comes a child and as a spirit, sincerely and from the heart tells all sekretiki mother, and she generously and without judging begins to understand, accept and give wise advice from the height of his experience.The child, of course, listening with bated breath and clutching ears with delight.
But friendships - they are equal.They suggest that you come to a baby cry and tell him all my sekretiki.And ask his advice.And listen with bated breath.And here there is no certainty that the child is necessary.
And most importantly, there is no certainty: that the children - and both children and adults - for some reason need more friends, but do not need the world's only and irreplaceable by any mom and dad.
Alina Farkas
Articles Source: top.thepo.st
