of the revelations of the teacher of the Russian language to foreigners ...
I love his work.Among greeting cards, donated by a student, my favorite - received a birthday in the first year: "Dear bribodavatel!Pizdavlyaem you, Madame your mother! »
***
Session on phonetics.On board - known since childhood, "Sasha was walking along the highway and sucked drying."
students - six Chinese and one Turk, try again.The Turks with whistling and hissing any problems quickly released and digging in the dictionary.
Chinese somehow also cope with amateur dryers.But the peculiarity of their mentality - everyone needs a literal translation.
- What is it - "suck"?- Asks a Chinese girl to me.
Turk leads the finger across the page dictionary and read aloud:
- Suck, suck, podsosat, it sucks!
raises his eyebrows in amazement and respect clicks her tongue.
It's not the Turkish "shurgum-burgum berdyk-kirdyk."This is Russian language.
***
winter session.
huge, higher than two meters, the black student rents language exam specialty - geography.
worth before the commission at a board with a map of the world.Waves.
- bolshii frequent baverhnasti zimyli pakyryta vada.Vadamee.Brust, vada.
Commission nods knowingly.
- Nabrymer, yzdesi nakodytsa Sivera-lidavytny akian.
African giant leads the pointer over the upper edge of the map.
- Tell me ... - voice is heard rattling president of the commission, an elderly dotsentshi.
Negro fright goggles and freezes.
old woman rummaging assistant professor in the statements.
- Please tell me ... - she mutters, looking for the student's name.Finds.
Student name Muddaka Bartolomeo Maria Cherepango.
- Say - decides to dispense with the name of the chairman of the commission.- And why the sea is called just that - the Arctic Ocean?
Negro thinks for a moment, studying the map, then puts his eyes on the window.
Outside, a snowstorm.Gloomy January dusk.At night promised minus eighteen.
Large, slightly yellowish eyes sad look on the commission.
- Badam the imu Hall.Sharpened Hall.
***
new student named Wang Hui.Chinese.The third day in Russian.At home, he taught Russian in school.
begins to write his name in the log and stop.
- Let us, we will change the name.Rather, the name - telling him.- To sound better.
looks at me puzzled.
- Well, Hui, for example.Or Hoy.It is known, by the way, in Russia - Hoy.I like.
guy disagrees.Like, normal name and that's it.
- No, I - Hui.Wang Hui.
Okay.Hui Hui so.
writes it to the log.For myself, I smile, "Lived, my friend.Matershiny official documents Mara. "
A couple of weeks after Wang Hui suitable training.
- teacher, sorry.Why did the police laugh when watching a passport?
«You see ... Jura" - said in such cases, the adjutant of his excellency.I explain openly and honestly.
Van goggles.On the same day we went to the training part, the name forwarded in the student ticket and the magazine.
A passport by a dick and he stayed.
***
- How is your life in a hostel?What's good, what's wrong?
dorm students that More ... DAS.House of graduate and undergraduate students in the street Shvernik.Stash and tarakannik.Nearby, by the way, with the Hospital.Kashchenko ....
Students - Chinese people unpretentious.Especially not complain, some even happy.
Takes the oldest word in the group - a Chinese woman of twenty-five, is going to go to graduate school.
- The hostel we currently floss!- The move she says.Just do not drop the chalk.Oh, by someone who, from her but did not expect this."There was," - think.
Chinese woman looks at me carefully through the narrow window ochochkah and continues:
- floss - is very important.What do you think?
Muzzle face her with the kind of harsh.As at a party meeting.All clear.
hostel it is hostel.Neighbor, Russian fools, taught, and I disentangle.
I decide to withdraw it from the slippery topic and asking questions distracting.
No, and rested his taldychit "floss" "floss" "floss" ... The Chinese are generally difficult to move in the right direction to you.And as if on something fixated - easier to accept.
- Li Xiao!- I tell her.- How do you know that word?Answer me discouraged.
- From here - and raises plump pocket dictionary.- Here's "dirty trick."
«Stunned compilers completely!»
- You can see?- I take her dictionary.Look.
otsmeyavshis, announces the next lesson - a lesson on phonetics."Brotherhood" in the hostel have large proved.Brotherhood.
***
Chinese problems with the sound "P" ... They have no language of the sound, and in Russian, unfortunately - is complete.It turns out they have - "tlabotat", "plivet" "Blato» ...
Phonetic exercises the students, of course, do not like to perform - it is boring and tedious.And it is necessary.Well nobody promised it would be easy.
However, something in what you can to help.On April I go to class and stunning rooms "MK".One of the photographs show them thick mustached cop with the club.
- Heard about the latest presidential decree?- I ask the group.
not heard, of course.
- Now, according to the document, any person who does not know the national anthem of Russia, will be arrested and even beaten by the police for it.The police were given the right to check the knowledge of the text of the anthem.The streets would stop and ask.
Group subsided.
- Well, you have nothing to fear - makes yawn.- You are a national anthem, of course, you know.What matters for homework?
Chinese are whispering among themselves and start shouting excitedly:
- No, we do not know!
- lyrics What ?!
- how to sing?
- Did you know?
- Tell us!
dejected shake my head, grieved - as they say, you do not know the sacred text?You live in the country and do not know its anthem ?!In their faces I see that very frightened.Have lived in Moscow for six months, they had seen any.
I went to the board.I picked up the chalk.
- Record.
start writing first come to mind rubbish:
«Russia - the largest, brothers, Power!
Long live united our lads!
Armed and straight and crooked, and on the right,
As the yeast on the grass court firewood! »
And in that spirit five verses, impromptu.
- Translating the time we have.We learn by heart, to not get in jail.
You should have seen their faces as they broke languages.Sweating, sit up from their seats.But singing diligently read with expression.Interrupting each other.With the hope of looking at me.Forty minutes - and if eight people from childhood itself able to growl.The great thing - motivation.
remembered from cow "Peculiarities of National Hunting" - "want to live, not raskoryachishsya."At the end of the lesson I congratulated all on the Day of fools.Somehow they are not very pleased ...
***
«wedge" sometimes in the most unexpected place.One wrote on the blackboard the word "hairdresser."
slowly excreted chalk letters.I got to "dick" and paused, thinking, "It can not be!" Already sweating.
***
sit in the methodical study, leafing through a newspaper.It runs in the teacher of the elderly.
- God!- Shouts.- He will kill me!From the hallway can hear someone's cries.I listen.
«I do Děvičky !!!" "I do Děvičky!No Děvičky!I!NO !!DE-VI-BAP !!! "- toiling one male voice.
It turns out that a Syrian student did homework.He explained that just forgot.In that old lady-friend, without thinking about the consequences, he chuckled: "Well, the memory of a maiden, yes, Sayid?»
Muslim peasant did not suffered.Eyes bulging, stains came forth, and began to shout.- I do Děvičky!I am a man!No Děvičky!No Děvičky!
No attempts to explain that just such an idiom, we were not successful.And I yelled until very not tired.I am standing in poluprisede, clenching his fists and yelling.Hot and proud people.
***
student Turks Emrah.I - 26, he - 20. Make friends.Beer is not just drinking together after school.Emrah all asked to teach his mother.
- You know, it is not necessary - explains it.- Properly still can not, with your level today.And you will send someone out of ignorance - no end of problems.Then life itself will teach.
summer Emrah have had difficulty finding the hostel.He graduated from our faculty and enrolled at MSU.It is necessary to change the hostel.He was discharged from one into another - all could not fit.Emrah comes to the faculty with a bag in his hands.
- Sylushay, can I have pasture tibya two days?
- of course - I say.- What a question ...
Emrah sighs:
- Bilyad I yobany homeless.Pizdets any one thought will have to spend the night in the park.
Taught life.
***
long planned to make a "Memo of the teacher."Make a list of words and phrases that cause unhealthy reaction of foreign students.
«Matches" - Yugoslavia always neigh happily."Peach" - the female sexual organ."Spikes" - diminutive.The preposition "with" in line with our "out."
- «Yuri Gagarin was very brave," - reads the phrase from an American textbook, and raises his head, puzzled: - Smelly?Why?
Hispanic carefully reads the text of the boy Victor and his dream.
- «Since childhood, Victor wanted to be a sailor ..." pauses for a moment.Lighten up, blushing.Unable to stand, he cackles in all throat."MARIKON" in Spanish - "pidaras."
Group Kuwaitis.Funny Arabs.Future doctors.Specialty - Dental.One of them, a thick Ali points to his teeth and says:
- How is it in Russian?
- Tooth.Teeth.
Arabs were shaking with laughter, echoing in every way, "tooth, a tooth, a tooth, a tooth ..." "tooth" in Arabic - "x ...".
- Guys!- I tell them.- Or get used, or will not be able to become doctors - Customers will be offended.Imagine a person comes to you and says, "Doctor, I have a toothache."And you laugh ... It is not good.
- I ... ... tooth hurts!Ah haha ha!
***
Group Koreans preparing to write a summary of the text of "P.Chaikovsky".Carefully read the text, write out unknown words.
- All clear in the text?- I ask.
nods - everything is clear.They begin to write.Ten minutes later I see - whispering about something.
- What is it?
- One word we do not understand.In the dictionary.
- What word?
- «Tchaikovsky."
***
graduate student from Iran through a classmate handed a note: "Dear teacher!I beg your pardon, that now there is a lesson.My woman had come from Iran, so I have to. "Iranians come to study usually families, so get in position and do not mind.It is necessary it should be.If a woman came up to me, I would have not come to class.
The next day, ask:
- Mehdi, your wife, normally flew?
turns out, is not his wife.Dad came.
***
- I'll make a monkey - said to me the other Iranian.- Believe it?After all, if I said - a monkey, then - I'm a monkey.
In any case, do not argue with the dark-haired bearded man.He knows better.Only then comes, it promises to b s i a t e l s n o do homework.
***
"Sibaritki."The mysterious word that was very fond of an elderly Japanese.In his old age suddenly imbued with an interest in Russia, he left his wife and children, arrived in Moscow.
wore winter and summer sandals on his bare feet and pigtail sparse gray hair on his head.
"I sibaritki" - he reported every morning Doorman, all encountered on the way teachers and their group.
Wachter did not like him.Not only did the Japanese scared incomprehensible "sibaritkami" so he bowed three more finely them at the entrance.
old men guards were nervous, not knowing where to go and how to respond.
Finally someone guessed."How are you doing?"- Asked the Japanese security question."Sibaritki!"- Was the answer.
"All right" is simply a person was.All right.
***
Writing Pearl, which supply the students - a special thing.Here and depth of thought:
«The more I learn, the less I have a lot."
«destroy nature - an important task.So I want to be a veterinarian.My sister - also a dog doctor.It's important to live. "
and special vision of our history:
«Lomonosov - a great scientist.Tolko he could come up with such a difficult grammar. "
«commanded the Russian General Mikhail Arima maize."
And just kind of "olbantsky»:
«Everyone in my family speak frankodzu bitch."
«I always Peder ikonvedy girls flowers."
«Yesterday, I howled with friends in the theater."
«I nabludil it under a microscope."
And finally, my favorite, from the work after watching the movie "Brother".
«Daniel came to St. Petersburg to his brother-mafia.There he met a tram Light and Polybius, but his brother prevented them to love one another »
Photo source: vadim-chekunov
Articles Source: vadim-chekunov
