What we want to see our children?Surely, obedient.To time to clean toys, not poked aimlessly in a plate with a spoon, went home with a courtyard on the first call ... In practice, everything looks different.Daughter or son "hysterics", refuses to wear a T-shirt unloved, time does not teach lessons, and to any request glumly replied: "I will not."In war, victory goes to the parents of the characters, alas, not always.But even if you have defended their case in the next battle, do not hurry to rejoice: winning, you are likely to lose.
Fight for adulthood
Age crises are a natural step in the development of each person.They often "tied" to a certain age (children - a 1, 3, 7, 11-15).Such "binding" is somewhat artificial: the leap in the development of the child instead of three can come to 3.5-4 years.However, the approximate time frames are.
pereupryamit How stubborn? Were not worried about your kid crisis, its symptoms are about the same.It is a struggle for adulthood in ways that are capable of a child.Parents especially hard given the crisis of three years, when nihilism, especially stubborn kid hypertrophied.At the request of any refusal to respond pipsqueak, often contradicts himself.All of this - a natural process.Mom and Dad need to be patient, try to understand the baby (he is now, and so is not easy).Excessive pressure will result in low self-esteem, self-confidence, nervous exhaustion.If you do not want your son or daughter grew weak-willed, anxiety, lack of independence of the people, be more flexible, show more understanding.In time to notice changes taking place in the psyche of the child, and behave accordingly.
When the crisis is not to blame
Sometimes the cause of children's stubbornness becomes age crisis.Provoke manifestation whims:
- permissive type of education in the family (gipoopeka) when mom and dad love the kid, but I did not deal with them;
- overprotection, when the parents too much care of the child, do not give him the opportunity to become independent;
- neglect when the child's parents do not like and do not engage them.
In the first case stubbornness - an attempt to attract attention in the second - a rebellion against too rigid a framework for the third - ignorance of the rules, the rules of conduct, elementary bad manners.Needless to say that the main thing here "treatment" stubbornness - bringing back to normal family relationships.And it will be better if this will psychologist.
When stubbornness manifests systematically, over time, compounded by severe aggression (directed even loved ones), committing acts that threaten their lives, or when the child is stubborn against their will (understand that his behavior is wrong, sincerely wants to do betterbut can not) - it says about deviations in the psyche of the child.If you notice that a daughter or a son behave urgently consult a neurologist and psychiatrist.
best defense - the avoidance
Teachers say that the educational process is successful if the mentee does not notice that he was brought up.This principle should be applied to a stubborn child, you should make the kid to comply with the basic rules, without damaging his own "I," to provide the greatest freedom crumbs wherever possible.So:
- try to drive as little as possible prohibitions.But those that exist, must always be carried out.In the list of mandatory "no" fall into actions that threaten life and health of the child and others.Do not disturb the main points of the mode of the day (some exemptions are possible).To enforce the child of their duties.
- not to go to the conflict.The best defense - evasion.If the child is stubborn, when possible - go for concessions.For example: "well, now we have five minutes to read a book, but then you are bound to sweep the toys."To fulfill its promise.And then let the kid do what I must.
- often praise the crumbs do not hang him "shortcuts."Celebrate even the smallest success, inspires confidence in their abilities.And do not compare your baby with the other, in your opinion, more accommodating and well-mannered children.
- Encourage your child to make a choice when possible.Thus, you give him to understand that you respect his decision.But do not ask "do you want to go for a walk" when it is obvious that the child wants to walk or not, the street you will still go.Suffice it to say: "We are going for a walk.You want to bring a bunny or machine? »
- if a baby reacts violently on the need to ban, resist provocation, do not allow violations of the rules.For example, when a pipsqueak refuses to clean up toys, sit down next to him.So that your eyes are level with his eyes (thus you show that he is you).Hugs, kisses ("we swear, but I love you").Calmly states: "are you crying, you still want to play, you're upset because it's time to clean up the toys in the box" (makes it clear that the child has the right to emotions that you understand the child).Then, gently but firmly konstatiruete "too late, toys should be removed" (explaining that the rules can not be broken).To make concessions: "If you want, I'll help you - gather red dice, and you - the blue."
- «penalties" in no case should not be expressed in mockery or using physical force.It is better, if the penalty would be the result of improper conduct.On the Punishment of the child should be warned in advance: "If the toy will not be removed after an hour, I'll have to remove them until tomorrow."Or: "If you do not eat porridge, I'll be able to feed only at lunch."To fulfill its promise.
- during the conflict remain calm.Serve a good example to your child.Try to control your emotions, do not shout, do not dismiss his hands (this is especially important for dads).Over time, the baby will start to copy your behavior, and you are surprised to find that hysteria has become much smaller and ugly situations when the child tries to hit or kick your leg, there is no place in your relationship.
O. Fateeva
Articles Source: mamam-papam.ru
